Good morning, Dr. House.
Good morning, Dr. Cuddy! Love that outfit. Says, I’m professional, but I’m still a woman. Actually, it sorta yells the second part.
Yeah, and your big cane is real subtle too.
[Leaving quickly] Gotta go.
S1 E6The Socratic Method
You think I'm crazy.
Well, yeah, but that's not the problem. Didn't we just leave your office?
I like to walk.
Ah, my birthday. Normally I'd put on a festive hat and celebrate the fact that the Earth has circled the Sun one more time; I really didn't think it was going to make it this year, but darn it if it wasn't the little planet that could all over again.
S1 E7Fidelity
I don't ask why patients lie. I just assume they all do.
Ah! The husband described her as being unusually irritable recently.
And?
I didn't know it was possible for a woman to be unusually irritable.
Nice try, but you're a misanthrope, not a misogynist.
Why are you riding me?
It's what I do...has it gotten worse lately?
Yeah. Seems to me.
Really. Well, that rules out the race thing. 'Cause you were just as black last week.
As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
So between us, we can do anything. We can rule the world!
Last three months, same five ties. Thursday should be that paisley thing.
It's a gift from my wife!
No it's not, Julie hates green. You bought that yourself. You want to look pretty, at work.[Pause, then in a sing-song tone] Wilson's got a girlfriend!
S1 E8Poison
The kid was just taking his AP calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseous and disoriented.
That's the way calculus presents.
I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff upper lip British way of saying "no chance in hell."
I'm Australian.
You put the Queen on your money; you're British.
[Reading a poem Georgia left for Dr. House] "The healer with his magic powers/I could rub his gentle brow for hours/His manly chest, his stubbled jaw/Everything about him leaves me raw—"
Psych ward's upstairs.
"—with joy. Oh, House your very name / Will never leave this girl the same." It's not bad for an 82-year-old. She asked me to give that to her true love.
What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.
That's fairly disgusting.
That's ageism.
You better watch yourself around this babe.
[to Georgia] I'm sorry, but the fact that the sexual pleasure center of your cerebral cortex has been over-stimulated by spirochetes is a poor basis for a relationship. Learned that one the hard way.
Mr. Adams, would you step outside for a moment?
Why?
Because you irritate me.
S1 E9DNR
DNR means Do Not Resuscitate. It does not mean Do Not Treat!
Like I always say, there's no "I" in "team." There is a "me," though, if you jumble it up.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.