Thirteen quotes from House

House

[to Foreman and Thirteen] Go have sex.

Thirteen

No, thanks.

House

Fine, I'll cover the Viagra and the lubricants. Just get me a receipt.

Foreman

We have zero feelings for each other.

House

Well, that's too bad, 'cause things worked much better when you did. Would it help if I slept with her?

Thirteen

We think a severe allergic reaction could be causing systemic breakdown.

To my son's sperm?

Taub

Actually, his semen is more likely the problem... Which, I realize is not what you were reacting to...

Thirteen

What are you thinking?

About Nick playing baseball.

Taub

Holy crap!

Chase

That's amazing.

Foreman

Yeah. Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school.

Chase

Does anything get you excited?

Foreman

All it takes is one bad eyeball.

Thirteen

Or testicle, cow brain or my personal favorite, [looks at Chase eating] pig rectum with a side order of sphincter.

Taub

I think they call that breakfast in Australia.

I thought you were gonna tell her.

Thirteen

It's not my call, but if you ask me, she's waiting for you to.

Knights are supposed to be selfless.

Thirteen

Right, they conquered countries and built castles by being selfless. Bravery and loyalty are great qualities, for soldiers. If you want to be king, sometimes you have to be willing to take what's yours.

Taub

So we flirt, it's fun.

Thirteen

It's dangerous. That woman would totally do you.

Taub

You think? Nothing is going to happen.

Thirteen

All I'm saying is if you want to be on a diet, you might want to stop hanging out by the dessert cart.

Chase

Not that I could ever do it. I was jealous of House, and Cameron never touched him.

Thirteen

Not counting the emotional fondling.

Thirteen

A woman who likes sex must be sick?

House

Just because everybody in this room wishes that all women were horny all the time, doesn't make it so.

Thirteen

I'm gonna check out this new lesbian bar tonight.

House

Your life is awesome.

Thirteen

Yeah, it sucks what he's doing to her too. But it's hardly the same. To be faithful to his wife, our patient has to deny his identity. Taub just needs to...

House

Resist his biological imperative.

Thirteen

It is easier to say no to dessert than to pretend you don't eat.

House

Says someone who's obviously never been on a diet.

Taub

[sees Thirteen put an envelope on House's desk] What's that?

Thirteen

I'm asking for some time off.

Taub

What's wrong? [Thirteen doesn't respond] Are you okay?

Thirteen

Obviously not.

Thirteen

So you gonna ask me about this Huntington's trial? And by ask I mean give me your opinion.

Chase

No. There's one thing, though....will you have sex with me?

Thirteen

...what?

Chase

Well, this trial means you're leaving right away. I was playing a long game. Deadlines have been moved up.

Thirteen

The interrogation thing is getting annoying.

House

Studies have shown that un-annoying interrogation is 50% less effective.

House

Junior year high school, you placed fourth in the West Virginia all-county science fair. Your project? Clean combustion.

Thirteen

Yeah. I also wore a training bra. Things have changed.

House

[under his breath] Not that much.

Foreman

I'm glad you're gonna be sticking around after today.

Really? You want me to stay?

Foreman

It's good to add a different perspective to the department. Someone who still remembers there are rules other than House's.

If I don't play by House's rules, he won't let me in.

Foreman

Find a way around them.

I'd have to lie to him, which is still lying.

Thirteen

Lying about a lie, that's practically telling the truth.