Gregory House quotes from House

House

In the meantime, there's no way a do-gooder like you isn't volunteering all over town. Ladling kittens, spaying soup.

There is a free clinic in Trenton.

House

Well, think of it as today's free clinic, only with fewer bums with herpes.

Foreman

House, I worked for you for 7 years. I know how you operate. So when I see symptoms magically show up right when you need them...

House

And I was your boss for 7 years, and I know what a suspicious, micromanaging hardass you are.

House

I'm not joking. You're fired. Don't come in tomorrow.

House...

House

I can work with people who've got nowhere else to go. People who've got something to prove. People who just get off on weird cases. but I can't work with someone who is here so she doesn't have to feel bad.

Thirteen

You're trying to save me.

House

Yes. I think that little of you and that much of me.

House

Loyalty to real estate is stupid, because loyalty is stupid.

First patriotism, now loyalty. You hate ice cream, too?

House

French vanilla. To willfully identify yourself as something is a perversion of self-expression.

I could do $5,000.

House

Really? No backsies?

If.... you double your clinic hours. 6 a week. I've seen how you disrespect those patients.

House

So you want twice as many of them disrespected?

Spend more hours with them, you'll treat them more humanely.

House

And this time a land war in Russia will be a good idea.

Thad Barton? We only help rich white guys?

House

I am an equal opportunity exploiter. I only help those who can help myself.

House

I claim this burger in the name of Queen Isabella of Spain.

I'll go check on the patient. [she gets up and House is about to bite down on her burger] I have hepatitis C.

[as House is about to bite down on her burger instead] She got it from me.

But it could end up causing another cardiac arrest.

House

Hopefully, and we'll know what set it off.

Chase

What he means is, it's better to do it here where we can revive him than have it happen somewhere else.

House

The prodigal son has returned. [hugs Chase]

Chase

If people told nothing but the truth, the world would probably burn down overnight.

Some people think it's burning now. Maybe if everybody didn't lie...

House

Aw, that is cute. I'm talking about your breasts. They always get perky when you're being painfully earnest. Truth. It's uncomfortable, isn't it? More truth... I only noticed because Chase was staring at them. He'd never admit it, because he doesn't want to offend you. Same reason he'd never tell you that he's thought about having sex with you. Although, to be fair, every man you've ever met has thought about having sex with you. They'll lie, because if you knew, you probably wouldn't want to have sex with them. And that's just some of the lies from the last minute. And here's a bigger one: you already know this, but you pretend you don't because it makes you feel civilized. Most people find it easier to ignore the truth.

I'm sorry. I thought I was here to treat the patients, not entertain you.

House

Would it hurt to do both?

I need insulin. I know it.

House

Much as I'd like to kill you by dangerously lowering your blood sugar, murder violates my parole.

[pointing to the printout of his test results] That bloodwork is week's old. Test me again.

House

I am the test. The test is negative. The test also thinks you're a giant pain in the ass. That last insult was your cue to leave.

House

You're right.

Wilson

You don't even know what I said.

House

That is ridiculous. Blah blah blah blah blah deaf ears. Blah blah blah blah blah blah. Absolutely essential information.

Foreman

14 year old girl - intermittent attacks.

House

4 year old boy - consistently at death's door.

This patient died 5 years ago.

House

I didn't say which side of the door he was on.

House

I need to DDX a patient with you.

Wilson

I thought you had a team for that.

House

According to Foreman, they're only for DDXing people who are still alive.

Wilson

...You have a dead patient?

House

Bigotry is boring when we add modifiers. I don't see creed, color, pulse.

Wilson

You're an addict. And I'm an idiot for thinking your addictions were limited to pills, anti-social behavior and sarcasm.

House

[belches] Sorry Vicodin repeating on me.

Wilson

You're also addicted to puzzles. You show all the classic behaviors: lying, neglecting responsibilities, and you can't stop - no matter how devastating the consequences.