Howard Hunter quotes from Hill Street Blues

Hunter

When a warrior falls, there is no anguish more profound than that of his shield bearer.

Hunter

[settling down for the night in a stable to watch over his sick horse Apollo] I'm here, boy.

Furillo

I'm sending in Goldblume, see if we can open communication, diffuse the situation. It's by the book, Howard.

Hunter

[snorts] Goldblume! Goldblume couldn't diffuse a roll of kosher toilet paper.

Furillo

What is that stuff?

Hunter

Oh, that's my tobacco. It's imported from Indonesia.

Furillo

Great aroma.

Hunter

You might start thinking about Indonesia, Frank. Some little dugout up in the bamboo. If I were you, I'd consider it.

Furillo

Why is that, Howard?

Hunter

Judas Priest, Frank! You've got the Commander-in-Chief on the front burner and you're standing around here with your pants around your support hose!

Hunter

[leading Bates into the men's room] The walls have ears.

Bates

They also have urinals.

Hunter

[describing the neighbor lady with whom he just spent the night] I mean, she is a very... uh, worldly woman.

Esterhaus

Well, then she'd certainly appreciate this, Howard. You know, last Sunday Grace and I took her four-wheeler up to the country and went nude... horseback riding. [chuckles] I'm still chafed.

Grace

It stirs something deep within me.

Hunter

All night maneuvers have that effect.

Hunter

Just another light-loafered step on the path to Socialism.

Excuse me, Howard?

Hunter

Those union wags have got cream of wheat where their bone marrow was.

Hunter

The Concrete Galapagos: Reverse Evolution and the Inner City by Heinrich Pentegrass. Have you read it, Frank?

Furillo

No, Howard, I missed that one.

Hunter

They're not interested in third-world dysgenics! They want my financial records! Judas Priest, Frank! If they're putting the brown shaft to our types can you imagine what they have in store for this hombre [gesturing to an already nervous Ray Calletano]?

Furillo

Howard.

Esterhaus

Change overtakes us all, Mick. And it can crop up anywhere. As for me personally, it was first apparent in matters of a sexual nature.

Hunter

Testosterone peaks and then starts diminishing. Many are out.

Esterhaus

Oh, sure, I was troubled the first few times it happened, but...

Hunter

Alright, are there any more questions?

Yeah, I got a question. Are you some kind of a queen?

Do you want us to see each other?

Hunter

I do! I – I am such a fumble tongue. You know, I'm very articulate in command.

Give me an order, Lieutenant.

Hunter

Kiss me, Nurse Wolfowitz.

Howard… [she kisses him]

Hunter

Linda, may I speak freely?

I wish you would.

Hunter

Since meeting you I've realized that there has been a part of my life that has been AWOL for longer than I care to admit. It's time I checked out of the POQ and went TDY. I long for the kitschy detail of little feet marching.

Are you reenlisting?

Hunter

I want to make an honest woman out of you. I want you to be my wife.

Oh-oh, my darling Howard! I love you so! [they begin passionately embracing and kissing]

Hunter

Then it's "yes"?

No.

Hunter

I was wondering if I could ask you a direct, personal question.

Goldblume

Sure, fire away.

Hunter

What is it like being a Hebrew?

Goldblume

What's it like being human, Howard?

Hunter

Well, it's no cakewalk.