Andy Renko quotes from Hill Street Blues

Renko

Understand what? That my own partner doesn't want me in his house? I am housebroken, Bobby! I haven't messed the rug in years!

Renko

You know, I'm ashamed to tell Sandra how I spend my days... standing around in alleys, walking around streets trying to control a bunch of crazy people, half of which are named after past presidents... Johnson, Jackson, Cleveland, Roosevelt...

Renko

[about Sandra Pauley] She is the finest woman I've ever met in my life! Bright, educated... you know she's goin' for her PH.D in English literature... that refined! She's the only woman I know that can speak French to me without me wanting to punch her out. If I was the less secure type, I'd wonder what she saw in me.

Renko

[to Hill] No comprende, Gordito. LaRue and Washington get the martini circuit. Ellis and Perez get to take a stroll in the park. What do you and me get? A walking tour of the third world.

Renko

I'm just a thirty-one year-old white guy just tryin' to make my way in the world!

Renko

[referring to the line outside the men's room after everyone ate Gung Ho's Chinese] The Mayflower's on the high seas, and all of her crew's come down with scurvy!

Renko

Yeah, just like my grandpapa used to say: "You put your shoes in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits."

Renko

[acting as Bobby Hill's boxing coach] No pain, no gain, don't be lame, don't go insane.

Renko

Can I stash some meat in the rear of your unit?

Bates

Sure, why not.

Renko

Ma'am, I'm sorry. It's just that I don't think a woman as fine-looking as you should be walking all alone in the middle of the night. Not around here. I'm a policeman, you know.

Yeah, I know. [thinks about it] Well, like you said, it is a four-block walk. Lots of creeps out there.

Renko

Besides me, right?

Yeah.

Why is it that you come on to everyone like you just spent the afternoon shoveling horse manure?

Renko

Good evening, Ma'am.

Hill

The guy is going to his brother's wedding. You stop short and he plows into the rear of our car. He winds up no job, a broken nose, arrested; plus, he's on the hook for bail money, not to mention a torn tux, and you say, "No harm, no foul." Where the hell have you been all day?

Renko

What is justice, my man? What is justice?

Renko

Now, what is so funny about this?

Hill

[while laughing] The whole thing. I'm sorry cowboy, but it's just so funny. Your old man sitting in that alley in his hospital greens with no shoes and Dogbreath Belker offering him a bite of his sandwich.

Renko

[also laughing] If he wasn't dead already, Belker's breath woulda killed him. [laughing heartily] You know what? That's the first decent laugh that damn old man ever gave me.

Excuse me, officer.

Renko

What?

I'd like to report a misdemeanor.

Renko

You talking to me?

Aside from your partner, I don't see any other uniforms in here.

Renko

Well, I guess you're right. Uh, ma'am, what is the nature of the complaint?

How about "breach of contract" for starters. My lunch date's a no-show.

Renko

[smiles] Well, I'd call that a major felony, ma'am. [looks her up and down]. Judging by your appearances, I'd say the suspect has a major chance of acquittal through temporary insanity.

Not bad, honkey. Want me to frisk her for you?

Renko

What I would like you to do is to shut your face before I relocate it for you in the vicinity of your butt.

Nice place you got here.