Lucille Bates quotes from Hill Street Blues

Bates

[to the just-restrained Angel Dust-using suspect] Take it easy, baby, take it easy. Nobody's gonna hurt you, you hear me? We're gonna take you to the hospital, now. You understand what I'm saying to you? Huh? [to another restraining officer] Don't think I don't know who was coppin' a cheap feel durin' the fight, huh?

Bates

[on the phone with a potential blind date for the wedding] Um, I don't want to sound shallow or anything, but what exactly do you look like? Oh! No, I'm blond, too... yeah... you sound swell...I mean, super...[giggles] Um, how tall are you? Oh. Well, look, maybe you have a pair of shoes with Cuban heels?

Bates

[tearfully] Do I look like a tight end to you?

Esterhaus

Well... I have noticed a certain muscularity in that vicinity.

Hunter

[leading Bates into the men's room] The walls have ears.

Bates

They also have urinals.

Renko

Can I stash some meat in the rear of your unit?

Bates

Sure, why not.

Esterhaus

You know, Fay, for as traumatic as these calls are, I wouldn't worry about the caller doing what he threatened to.

Bates

[nodding] It's true.

Esterhaus

Sick, lonely, cowardly types. They can't do anything but dial a phone.

Fay

[nodding, feeling reassured] I know.

Esterhaus

Of course, there was the Clausen case not long ago.

Fay

What's the Clausen case?

Bates

Sergeant...

Esterhaus

Uh, you don't want to know, Fay. She lived, though, and he was put away. [shakes her hand reassuringly] Nice seeing you, Fay. I'm sure you got nothing to worry about.

Washington

[holding up a bag of drugs] Oh, man, look at all this powdered sugar! What were you doing, my man, making a cake?

I get a phone call, don't I?

Bates

One ten-cent call. That's it.

Coffey

And no intergalactic area codes, okay?

Coffey

You know how Houdini died? Getting punched when he wasn't ready!

Bates

Yeah, well you need to work on your disappearing act!

Bates

Did you get the results?

Coffey

Of what, the lie detector test?

Bates

No, your pap smear, Joe.

What are you, my mother?

Bates

Do I look like a test tube?

Bates

What do you know about this horse over here?

[wearing a western outfit, a sombrero and carrying a saddle] How should I know anything about a horse?

So, officer Bates... you come here often?

What happened?

Bates

I knocked this kid out with my ribs.