Mick Belker quotes from Hill Street Blues

Belker

[answering his phone] Hill Street, Detective Belker... hi, Ma... I'm booking a pick-pocket... Ma, you're not having a heart attack, so why don't you just give it to me straight...chuckles "Standing in the window with binoculars?" Why is that such a bad thing? So what if he's a peeping tom, the man is 83 years old! All he's got left is his peep! … Ma…Ma…Ma! I am not arresting my own father, and that's that!

Belker

[on the phone] Pa, I'm laughing because I don't believe what I'm hearing... alright, but I want you to calm down long enough to tell my why you want to put my mother in a mental institution? What do you mean you're in love with another woman? You're eighty-three years old! Where are you going so fast with another woman? That's crazy! You can't keep up with a sixty-eight year-old! I mean, how often can you... no kidding, that often? What's mom been feeding you?

Belker

[to Collar] You forgot to pay your fare, Dogbreath.

Belker

[misquoting the ATM] I'm here to assist you with all your banking needs, hairball!

Belker

Look, hairball, I'll tell you this: I got stuff that took me two weeks to set up. Tomorrow you find yourself a new babysitter.

Belker

Sit down, dirtball.

[extends his hand] Please, call me Kevin.

Davenport

[regarding her client, Heidel] Where is his paperwork?

Belker

Just about to get started.

Davenport

Was he Mirandized?

Counselor, would you give the guy a break?

Davenport

Was he or was he not Mirandized?

Yes, I was!

Davenport

Button up! Any evidence of theft on or about his person?

Belker

Yes and no.

Davenport

"Yes and no?"

Belker

What happened was, I think I saw him swallow some rings and things.

You see, what-

Davenport

Don't say a word.

Belker

Uh, the captain is looking into a court order for stomach X-rays. In the meantime, we're just sitting around, waiting to see what comes down the pike, as they say.

Belker

Can I talk to you? Up until about a month ago I was dating a real quality woman. I mean, no dirtbag. We didn't see eye-to-eye on a couple of things, so we split up. So I'm seeing her tonight. [holds out his shaking hands] I'm like this.

[who is by profession a burglar] You know something? I myself can't seem to sustain a relationship. It's the business that we're in. We work nights, holidays, weekends...how long can we expect a woman to put up with that kind of thing?

Belker

Name?

[stands up] Dum dada rum. Captain Freedom. Ten tons of nitro in one fist and a neutron bomb in the other. When I walk buildings shake and bad guys wet their pants. [sits down] Wanna hear my manifesto?

Belker

[annoyed] Name?

Dum dada rum. Captain Freedom. I vow to give crime two black eyes and fight injustice and corruption wherever they may lurk. And brotherhood, I want to establish universal brotherhood.

Belker

They're laughing at you. They are. They're making fun of you. Don't you understand that?

What am I supposed to do? Hide in my room? Lock my doors and windows? Let the fear in the streets rule me like it does millions of others? If every man and woman got up off their knees and took a stand, do you think that criminals would walk the streets with impunity? No. This is my city, my country. And I'm gonna fight for it. Life. Life is a gift and you gotta reach out and grab hold of it or you are just part of the problem. You gotta, you gotta hug your kids every day and you gotta put gum wrappers in your pockets and take shorter trips in the car. Because that's what's right. Me? I'm not backing down. I'm not givin' in. They can beat me. They can rob me. I'll keep coming back. They can stomp on me until I'm just a little grease spot on the floor and someone else will jump in my place. Life triumphs. Love triumphs. I'm a man and I'm gonna hold my head up and walk like one.

Belker

Yeah.

Belker

You gotta get straight. You gotta put yourself back in reality.

What is reality, Mick? Ever seen the nucleus of an atom? Yet the existence of the entire universe depends on it. You ever touch the human soul? Yet it drives you more strongly then any muscle in your body. We step in and out of reality at every instant of our lives and yet we persist in reducing everything that we see to bland and secure terms. A single fly is capable of laying more than twenty million eggs. Leo Tolstoy pulled War and Peace from the nothingness of pure thought. The gold in your teeth was manufactured in an interior of an exploding star. What is reality? Who governs it? What are the rules? Who is to say that at this very moment I and everything around you are nothing but the creation of your own cosmic dreams?

Belker

Yeah.

Actually my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.

Where are the bad guys?

Belker

They're in your head playing Canasta.

Belker

[to the man who puts his arm around him in the theater] Move it or lose it at the elbow.

I could take you out to lunch.

Belker

[pulls out his badge] I could take you to jail, dog breath.

Eddie

I thought about what you said about degrading myself. No more bus station men's room for Eddie Gregg.

Belker

Atta boy.

Eddie

I'm going to work the men's room at the Hotel Excelsior!