Phil Esterhaus quotes from Hill Street Blues

Esterhaus

Let's be careful out there.

Esterhaus

[to Malibu] Hey, tell me the truth. You think I should get rid of my Buick? My girlfriend thinks I ought to get into something flashier. See, we got the senior prom coming up...

Esterhaus

I'm basically of the monogamous persuasion.

Esterhaus

Makes a wicked carrot cake, my Cindy. The frosting's mine. [lowers his voice] We baked it dressed in our bathing suits.

Esterhaus

[addressing the station about using the phones] If you feel you must misdemeanor, let's use the pay phones, huh?

Esterhaus

[about Grace] Frankly, Howard, I'm exhausted. The woman's a sexual juggernaut.

Esterhaus

[to Howard] Sex. Ironic, isn't it? I have more than I know what to do with. And you can't get arrested.

Esterhaus

Due to a shortage of female decoys, the less hefty and bearded of you will find in your lockers a varied selection of wigs, dresses, and appropriate foundation.

Esterhaus

Now be reminded that in springtime, a young man's fancy turns to robbery, rape, and aggravated assault.

Esterhaus

But then I met Cindy. Overnight, my life turned around!

Fay

[sniffling, drying her eyes from crying] Oh, yeah? All, that's terrific, I'm glad to hear that! Are you thinking of getting re-married?

Esterhaus

As soon as she graduates.

Fay

She's a college student?

Esterhaus

High school. She's a graduating senior.

Furillo

Look at this! You got the address wrong on the warrant.

Esterhaus

Captain, we never shoulda stopped doing these in pencil.

Furillo

...so when the man understandably objects to being arrested, Earps here hits him with a board!

We had to, boss. We couldn't get his attention.

Bates

[tearfully] Do I look like a tight end to you?

Esterhaus

Well... I have noticed a certain muscularity in that vicinity.

Esterhaus

I have this problem. It's of a male-female nature, if you know what I mean.

Fay

Phil, if you're talking about an occasional... dysfunction... it's nothing to worry about, especially with someone like Cindy where I'm sure you're under a great deal of pressure to perform.

Esterhaus

No, no, no. My relationship with Cindy is more domestic. We do a lot of cooking together.

Fay

Then, the problem's not sex?

Esterhaus

My problem is that I met this other woman... she's a lot older than Cindy.

Fay

Well, most of us are.

Esterhaus

Mrs. Perez, would you mind terribly leaving the little one with Officer Belker here while we ask you a few questions? He's very good with children.

You take my baby? I want a receipt.

Esterhaus

You know, Fay, for as traumatic as these calls are, I wouldn't worry about the caller doing what he threatened to.

Bates

[nodding] It's true.

Esterhaus

Sick, lonely, cowardly types. They can't do anything but dial a phone.

Fay

[nodding, feeling reassured] I know.

Esterhaus

Of course, there was the Clausen case not long ago.

Fay

What's the Clausen case?

Bates

Sergeant...

Esterhaus

Uh, you don't want to know, Fay. She lived, though, and he was put away. [shakes her hand reassuringly] Nice seeing you, Fay. I'm sure you got nothing to worry about.