J.D. LaRue quotes from Hill Street Blues

LaRue

Henry, you're bleeding all over my arrest report.

LaRue

I'm tellin' ya man, it's a miscarriage of justice putting that little bozo in a massage parlor. Belker wouldn't know a good massage if it came up and bit him. Matter of fact, that is Belker's idea of a good massage.

LaRue

[about Benedetto] The guy's a snail, Neal! He leaves a trail of slime wherever he goes!

LaRue

[to Benedetto] You almost got my partner killed, you fat grease ball! We got a date coming! You put it on the calendar!

LaRue

[egging on Benedetto, who is threatening suicide] C'mon, Benedetto! Do the right thing and pull the trigger!

LaRue

[trying to cheer Hunter up by changing the subject] Bobby's gonna put that bum in four different hospitals.

Are you on duty or just in heat?

LaRue

Uh... right. I'm on my way.

LaRue

Hey, in light of what's happened here today, has anyone given any more thought to my investment? It's an annuity for our loved ones, and it's still a thousand bucks a share to friends.

Goldblume

Uh, maybe I ought to talk to Rachel... again.

Phil

Yeah, maybe I'll give Grace a call... and Cindy, naturally.

LaRue

Who are you, my mother?

Washington

Closer than that, man, I'm your partner.

Washington

Look, baby, I know you went to a lot of trouble to line up this opportunity, but I guess I'm just kind of attached to this town, you know?

LaRue

Oh-h-h-h, me too! Hey, don't get me wrong. Hell, I love junkies getting sick on my shoes twice a week, I get off on transvestites' dried blood, people lunging at me with barbecue forks…oh, yeah…this town? Regular joy machine!

Is there any particular reason you'd like to leave your present position?

LaRue

[chuckling] Excuse me, but you're asking me why, after twelve years in one of the worst urban wastelands in this country, I'd risk a substantial raise in salary to work in the Bahamas?

Your point is well made.

LaRue

[presenting a cow's heart, which he tries to pass off as Buddy Gannett's, for the bet] Hey, Benedetto. Check it out. I don't know too much about anatomy, gentlemen, but that sure looks like a heart to me.

Lame, LaRue, no sale.

LaRue

Hey, whoa whoa…what are you talking about? We don't dig bookies that welch up here! That's Buddy Gannett's ticker!

Yeah? And where's his udder?

LaRue

What's he mean?

Washington

I think the man means, he believes that's a cow's heart, J.D.

LaRue

Bull.

Could be.

Belker

[watching lustily after the chicken heart LaRue picks up from the butcher] What are you going to do with it, LaRue? I mean, after you're finished snookering Benedetto?

LaRue

What do you mean, "what am I going to do with it?"

Belker

Best thing is to boil it. And you grind it into a pate, you stuff blintzes in it…I'm telling you, you never tasted anything so good!

LaRue

What, do I look like some kind of urban cannibal here? That's Buddy Gennett's heart – a human being!

Washington

[Bobby's boxing match is about to commence] This guy is a real chump, Bobby.

LaRue

He couldn't hit the ground falling out of a tree.

LaRue

[out of Bobby's earshot] Bobby's dead.

Washington

Simmons'll kill 'em.