Hey Arnold! · Season 1
[to Curly, dressed as a dead bride] I can't believe you'd pull such a dirty trick!
I can't believe how nice you look in that dress!
OK, it was a dirty trick, I admit it. But I wanted to tell the story! Why should Gerald always get to tell the stories? IT'S NOT FAIR!
I say we lock him in the crypt and leave him here!
You tore my shirt!
Your shirt? That's my shirt!
Either way, you're dead!
Should we do our own make up, or will the crew do it?
Do your own.
I'd rather watch paint dry.
Let's go practice being spontaneous.
Criminy, I'm a monster.
Actually it was just just gas, doc said you'll be fine as soon as you lay off the double rocks and lambs.
Are you okay, Helga?
Oh I'm just peachy. My dad's joining some wacky spiritual group, brain-washed Miriam and Olga and is planning to take us all to Oregon to live in a hut, out in nature to sing songs and eat bark.
Prune cookies? Are you kidding?
My Grandma puts them in everything she bakes.
Whillikers, Arnold, I reckon prunes is just about the nastiest cookie flavor around.
Actually, prunes are enjoyed the world over by people of all ages, and despite their rather unpleasant appearance, they're really quite tasty. Not to mention, an excellent source of iron and a wonderful implement of dietary regulation.
Here, Phoebe, why don'tcha just take them?
Don't mind if I do. The iron may give me energy when I accept my award this afternoon. [chomps] Mmm, delicious!
What just happened — it's no big deal. I'm sure it happens all the time. And in fact, I bet there's not one single person we know that doesn't have an embarrassing fart story.
Well! Have you ever done it in public, Arnold? You know, pass gas?
No, not exactly. I mean, not into a microphone...
Then how can you possibly understand the utter humiliation of what I've just experienced?!
Look here, Phoebe, I know things may seem pretty bad right now, but trust me. By tomorrow, everyone may have forgotten all about what just happened.
Really?
I'm positive.
Maybe you're right, Arnold. Perhaps, by tomorrow, everyone may have forgotten about my little... indiscretion.
Now, who could come up to our beautiful and special chart of the Human Digestive Tract, and tell me which organ is the Small Intestine, and which is the Colon? How about you, Rhonda?
Gosh, Mr. Simmons, maybe you ought to ask Phoebe instead, you know, since she's the "Digestion Expert."
Now, class, I know you all may think what happened to Phoebe yesterday is amusing, but I assure you, it is not. The expulsion of gas is just a perfectly natural part of our body's very special digestion cycle. It's nothing to poke fun at, and nothing to be ashamed of. Now, Rhonda, please, come up to the front of the room, and point out the correct organs on the fart. [everyone laughs once more] No, wait, "chart." I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I meant "chart."
Arnold? What are you doing here?
Why, I was thinking about what a rough day you had, and I just want to make so sure that everything is OK.
Why, I'm just fine.
Really? That's good to hear!
Yup. Ever since I decided that I am never to go back to P.S. 118, I've been doing just great.
Never to go back to P.S. 118? Phoebe, don't you think you are overreacting?
No, Arnold. I think I'm being perfectly rational, considering the circumstances.
Come on, Phoebe, you know you can't run away from this farting thing.
Sorry, Arnold. I've made up my mind. As long as the other students continue to regard me as a gas-passer, I'm afraid I have no other choice than to turn the other cheek. So, no pun intended.
[sighs deeply]
[Telling the class about Phoebe] ...And she's so embarrassed and upset that she's never coming back to P.S. 118. [Class murmurs]
Thank you, Arnold, for bringing this very serious issue to our attention. [sighs] Now, people, one of our own classmates is in trouble, and it's up to us to help her through her crisis. I think we should all go over to Phoebe's after school, and tell her that she has nothing to be embarrassed about. I think we should tell her that we love her and care for her, and if she comes back to school, we'll all forget about her little incident, and never talk about it again! What do you say?! [class remains silent] Okay, if we pull this off, then, tomorrow's Movie Day.
HOORAY! YEAH!
Until three days ago, I was Phoebe Heyerdahl, fourth grader, straight-A student, and a good friend to a lot of you. But then something happened. [nervously] I accidentally... uh, well, I accidentally passed... went... [furiously] Heck, I'm just gonna say it! I farted! [the kids whistle and laugh] Yes, that's right! I "let one rip", I "honked a big jobber", "blew the tuba", "popped a whopper"! [the kids stop laughing as she gets serious] You all thought it was pretty funny. I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd think it was kind of funny too, but ever since then, I've gone from being Phoebe Heyerdahl to just "that girl who farted", and I don't think it's fair, because I'm more than that! If you ask me, I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I think you're the ones that should be ashamed! [leaves the stage]
Well, folks, I for one applaud Miss Heyerdahl for having the courage to stand up for herself, and I think you should, too. What do you say, gang?
I got something to say. Phoebe's a farter! Phoebe's a farter! [Laughs, then, quite suddenly, he wets his pants] Uh-oh.
Look! Harold wet his pants! [the kids laugh]
Harold wet his pants.
[bawls and fleeing the room] Mommy! Mommy!
Rhonda [to Phoebe, smirking] He's never gonna hear the end of it. [the episode ends with Phoebe leaning back in her seat, smiling]
[offscreen] OH, NO!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hey Arnold! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
