Alan quotes from Hell's Kitchen

This year chefs get an early start on their Hell's Kitchen journey, and they couldn't be more exciting.

(interview) I think my competition is going to get overwhelmed. I'm going to destroy everybody, nobody's even going to come close you're all going to cry to your mommies.

First name is...

Jackie.

Where are you from?

(New) Jersey. [audience applauds] (interview) I am the epitome of Jersey. I'm tough, I'm beautiful, I'm sexy. I will kick your ass and suck your dick all at the same time.

What's under the dome?

[removes lid] I have a seared scallop and grilled corn salsa.

[notices that there is only one scallop on the plate] Wow. Now, are we on a diet?

No. [some of the contestants laugh with the audience] I thought it looked nice with just one.

I thought I'd get more from a Jersey girl. Every time I've been there, man, they're generous.

I know.

[eats the scallop] I'd love to give it a four. I can't, there's only one scallop there. I'm gonna give it a three. Three out of five.

Thank you, chef.

With Jackie having a respectable dish, Rhode Island culinary manager, Kevin, is putting his faith in his...

Chicken Caesar piadina.

[facepalms] There's a reason why you don't put fresh, crisp salad on a hot pizza. [Eddie shakes his head] Honestly, it looks... terrible. The dough's uneven. How'd you make that dough so quick?

Um, it was a pre-prepared dough.

So you didn't make the dough?

No. [audience groans]

[whispering] Shit.

And is it an authentic Caesar dressing?

Pre-made. [audience groans again; someone shouts at Gordon not to eat the food]

(interview, facepalms) Kevin!

Store-bought dough... store-bought Caesar salad dressing. Let me ask you something. Do you want to go home?

(interview) Oh, God. This is not good. [to Gordon] I'll do better, chef.

You'll do better?

I will. I can show you I will.

One out of five. That's all you get. Terrible.

(to Alan) You fired on tuna?

Yeah, it's right here.

(interview) I didn't hear any entrées fired up by Chef Ramsay, but he sounds confident. He sounds like, you know, he knows what he's talking about, so I'm gonna be as supportive as I can.

Walking with the tuna.

Let's go. Walking, walking, coming up. Coming up.

Here we are.

[accompanying Alan to bring food] You got two tuna.

What are we doing?

We got two tuna.

Did Chef fire it?

What's that?

He (Alan) brought it up before you fired it, chef.

(to Alan) Hey, come here, you. Fucking bozo. Who called the entrée? [holds the cooked tuna into untimely mistake]

I did, chef.

You did?

Yes, chef.

(to Alan and gives him a warning) WOULD YOU MIND WE SEND THE APPETIZERS FIRST?!

No, chef.

FUCKING HELL.

(interview) Alan, that's embarrassing. You are a fucking moron.

[putting Alan's already cooked tuna to the table] Big difference, order fire, order in fire, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. (to Alan) All right?

They're cooked to fuck, those things. Who cooked the scallops?

Here, chef.

They're fucking rubber! The first portion was perfect, and that was a fucking fluke 'cause that is shit. [returns the pizza to the workstation after found out it was burned] (to Mark) Hey, by the way, in England, we have a saying, "When it's brown, it's cooked. When it's black, it's fucked!" [drops a plate of pizza to a workstation onto an empty plate at the bottom shattering into pieces] Disgusting, and you bring me that shit? WHAT'S GOING ON?! [screenshot of Audrina Patridge waiting her food]

Alan's rubber scallops and Mark's burned pizza have brought the kitchen into the standstill.

No one's communicating, no one's stepping up, and no one's taking charge.

Sorry, chef.

(to Frank) Frank, you got your own pizza?

Yeah.

Let's go, let's go, let's go. Get it back.

Pizza, coming up. (interview) I figured nobody else could do a better pizza than somebody who's 100 percent Italian from Brooklyn, New York.

Back in the blue kitchen...

[Holds the tickets] Come on guys, they're about to walk out!

Chef Ramsay is just looking for...

(to Hassan) Risotto, where is it?

You got my two lobsters for the risotto ready?

Yep! [Checking cooked shrimps] Make sure they're hot.

Go, go, go!

[brings the lobster to pass] To your left, chef.

Unreal. [returns the lobster at the workstation] Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here, all of you! ALL OF YOU!!!

(interview) Fish station, Alan and Kevin, they were kinda... (imitates whistling) like a fart in a fan factory, [sic] man. They were fucking lost.

Just touch that, put your hand on there! [sees a cold raw lobster on a plate] Touch, touch! Fucking (smashes the shrimp) COLD! WHAT'S GOING ON?! 'CAUSE I'M GETTING SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF!

I'm done, let's get out of here.

I do not fucking get it!

Chef, table 40 is leaving, two top, they haven't got anything yet.

Now the tables have walking out, just literally giving up! A bit like you. Fuck off out of here! GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!!

(interview) What a fucking shit show! I've never been a part of anything so hellacious in my life.

Hey! Hey, hey, bozo! Do me one favor tonight: get upstairs and think of two individuals that don't belong in the blue team. GET OUT!

Yes chef.

PATHETIC!

That was bru-TAL.

The blue team is hoping Alan's new risotto hits the mark.

Thirty seconds on the riso(tto)s. Walking my risottos! [sending to the pass]

Is the fish and chips gone yet?

Fish and chips is one minute out, chef. (interview) We still have a shot in spite of everything that has fucked up so far.

Fish and chips?

Walking! [holds the fish on a pot and sending over to the pass] Right here to your right.

It's fucking raw fish. [returns the fish and chips to the workstation] ALL OF YOU, STOP! LOOK AT THIS FUCKING MESS! ITS JUST DISGUSTING!!! [Jared and Joe touch the fish] WE'VE HAD EVERY POSSIBLE FUCKING MISTAKE TONIGHT, AND IT'S NOW BEYOND A JOKE! [smashes the fish on a plate] RAW FISH!!! All of you, get the fuck out of here!

Yes, chef.

GET OUT! AND I MEAN NOW!

(interview) Argghhh... It was embarrassing tonight.

GET OUT!