Hassan quotes from Hell's Kitchen

This year chefs get an early start on their Hell's Kitchen journey, and they couldn't be more exciting.

(interview) I think my competition is going to get overwhelmed. I'm going to destroy everybody, nobody's even going to come close you're all going to cry to your mommies.

First name is...

Jackie.

Where are you from?

(New) Jersey. [audience applauds] (interview) I am the epitome of Jersey. I'm tough, I'm beautiful, I'm sexy. I will kick your ass and suck your dick all at the same time.

What's under the dome?

[removes lid] I have a seared scallop and grilled corn salsa.

[notices that there is only one scallop on the plate] Wow. Now, are we on a diet?

No. [some of the contestants laugh with the audience] I thought it looked nice with just one.

I thought I'd get more from a Jersey girl. Every time I've been there, man, they're generous.

I know.

[eats the scallop] I'd love to give it a four. I can't, there's only one scallop there. I'm gonna give it a three. Three out of five.

Thank you, chef.

With Jackie having a respectable dish, Rhode Island culinary manager, Kevin, is putting his faith in his...

Chicken Caesar piadina.

[facepalms] There's a reason why you don't put fresh, crisp salad on a hot pizza. [Eddie shakes his head] Honestly, it looks... terrible. The dough's uneven. How'd you make that dough so quick?

Um, it was a pre-prepared dough.

So you didn't make the dough?

No. [audience groans]

[whispering] Shit.

And is it an authentic Caesar dressing?

Pre-made. [audience groans again; someone shouts at Gordon not to eat the food]

(interview, facepalms) Kevin!

Store-bought dough... store-bought Caesar salad dressing. Let me ask you something. Do you want to go home?

(interview) Oh, God. This is not good. [to Gordon] I'll do better, chef.

You'll do better?

I will. I can show you I will.

One out of five. That's all you get. Terrible.

Hassan, you got a 4. [blue team celebrates]

(interview) Kevin, you're fucking welcome!

(to Alan) You fired on tuna?

Yeah, it's right here.

(interview) I didn't hear any entrées fired up by Chef Ramsay, but he sounds confident. He sounds like, you know, he knows what he's talking about, so I'm gonna be as supportive as I can.

Walking with the tuna.

Let's go. Walking, walking, coming up. Coming up.

Here we are.

[accompanying Alan to bring food] You got two tuna.

What are we doing?

We got two tuna.

Did Chef fire it?

What's that?

He (Alan) brought it up before you fired it, chef.

(to Alan) Hey, come here, you. Fucking bozo. Who called the entrée? [holds the cooked tuna into untimely mistake]

I did, chef.

You did?

Yes, chef.

(to Alan and gives him a warning) WOULD YOU MIND WE SEND THE APPETIZERS FIRST?!

No, chef.

FUCKING HELL.

(interview) Alan, that's embarrassing. You are a fucking moron.

[putting Alan's already cooked tuna to the table] Big difference, order fire, order in fire, THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. (to Alan) All right?

Back in the blue kitchen...

[Holds the tickets] Come on guys, they're about to walk out!

Chef Ramsay is just looking for...

(to Hassan) Risotto, where is it?

You got my two lobsters for the risotto ready?

Yep! [Checking cooked shrimps] Make sure they're hot.

Go, go, go!

[brings the lobster to pass] To your left, chef.

Unreal. [returns the lobster at the workstation] Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here, all of you! ALL OF YOU!!!

(interview) Fish station, Alan and Kevin, they were kinda... (imitates whistling) like a fart in a fan factory, [sic] man. They were fucking lost.

Just touch that, put your hand on there! [sees a cold raw lobster on a plate] Touch, touch! Fucking (smashes the shrimp) COLD! WHAT'S GOING ON?! 'CAUSE I'M GETTING SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF!

I'm done, let's get out of here.

I do not fucking get it!

Chef, table 40 is leaving, two top, they haven't got anything yet.

Now the tables have walking out, just literally giving up! A bit like you. Fuck off out of here! GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!!

(interview) What a fucking shit show! I've never been a part of anything so hellacious in my life.

Hey! Hey, hey, bozo! Do me one favor tonight: get upstairs and think of two individuals that don't belong in the blue team. GET OUT!

Yes chef.

PATHETIC!

That was bru-TAL.

While the red team waits, back in the Blue kitchen...

Fire now, Buzz Aldrin, two tuna, four wellington.

Yes, chef.

Chef Ramsay looks to Hassan on meat to pilot this VIP ticket.

Hassan, focus on your table!

Yes, chef. Put the wellingtons in for me, Kevin.

Heard. Wellingtons going in the oven. [holds a plate of perfectly cooked wellingtons to mistakenly send in the oven]

(to Kevin) Where is he going?! WHERE'S THAT IDIOT GOING?!

(called Kevin over) Hey, whoa, whoa! They're done. (captions on a screen)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bring those back, please. Get them over here! (interview) Kevin, they're already cooked, man. We're cooking the ones that aren't cooked. Back up before you get slapped up, bro.

Man! (gives Kevin a warning; throws a fork to a cleaning rack) (Points his finger to Kevin) Hey, you, I'll kick you to the fucking moon. (to Kevin) Come here.

(interview) Oh, damn! Not good.

He maybe an astronaut, but you're a space cadet. (to Kevin) Are you okay?

Yes, chef.

You sure?

Yes, chef.

FUCKING HELL!

(goes to the Blue kitchen) Hey! Hey, Blue team!

Yes, chef.

(to Eddie and Alan) You two, on desserts. The rest of you, jump into the Red Team and help them finish! Now!

Yes, chef!

NOW!

Where we at?

Who’s on fish? I’ll hop on fish!

What do we got working?

That’s already reduced in there. Right here.

I can’t believe this is fucking happening.

It’s fucking burnt, throw it out.

(interview) These boys just bomb-rushed our kitchen, kamikaze style. Like, fucking... [imitates bomb falling and going off]

As soon as those two tunas are ready, we’ll go to the pass!

Why are you screaming?!

I’m not screaming! THIS IS HOW I TALK!

(interview; impersonates Hassan yelling at her) "You guys need to listen to me, ‘cause I’m Hassan, and I'm big, and I blah-blah-blah!" Shut up!

Tuna going to the window!

[to Sous Chef Christina] On your left, two fish.

Okay, let’s go.

First ticket out, team! Loving the teamwork, guys!

With a very vocal Hassan leading the charge, the men have taken over the red kitchen...

[to Kris Jenner] And I have your tuna.

Kris Jenner

Smells so good.

...delivering entrées to the chef’s table and grateful customers in the dining room.

Last table now! Two Arctic char, four wellington!

Let’s go, guys.

I’m walking char.

Heard!

She’s (Jackie) got the wellies right behind you.

Service, please.

Alright, guys, let’s clear it down.

Christina Wilson

[to Red team] Please thank the gentlemen for finishing your service two nights in a row!

Thank you, guys!

No problem.

Fucking pathetic-ass shit. Bullshit ass team. Worst team ever.

Over in the red kitchen...

Tuna and New York Strip?

Coming to the pass in 15 seconds, chef.

Hassan and Dannie hope the the third time's charm with their refired New York Strip and Tuna.

Coming out the pass, one New York (Strip).

One tuna.

(interview) There's no option to fail we can not fuck this up. If we do, another one of us is going home.

Fucking steak's raw. Hey, hey, Red Team! RED TEAM!

Yes, chef?

It is contagious. There's just mistake, after mistake, after mistake! DO ME A BIG FAVOR, ALL TOGETHER, FUCK OFF! GET OUT! GET OUT!

What happened?

What the fuck man?!

(interview) Kevin's gone. Tonight's dinner service was a complete disaster, the front of the train went off and the back just followed. (in the dorm) It was... just nipping in the but. Joe, biggest fuck-up of the night.

(to Frank) Yeah.

Where's the fucking lobster? Come on, Hassan! Just hurry up!

[wipes forehead with his sleeve] Ten seconds, chef! Fifteen seconds, I'm sorry, chef!

(interview) Hassan, you look like you're melting into the lobster. I guess it’s the Red Team’s secret ingredient!

[to Hassan] Hey, young man. PSST!

Yes, chef.

You're sweating into the lobster. It's dripping! I don't want a fucking lobster covered in your sweat! Is there a bandana or something, PLEASE?!