Kevin Ridlon quotes from Hell's Kitchen

This year chefs get an early start on their Hell's Kitchen journey, and they couldn't be more exciting.

(interview) I think my competition is going to get overwhelmed. I'm going to destroy everybody, nobody's even going to come close you're all going to cry to your mommies.

First name is...

Jackie.

Where are you from?

(New) Jersey. [audience applauds] (interview) I am the epitome of Jersey. I'm tough, I'm beautiful, I'm sexy. I will kick your ass and suck your dick all at the same time.

What's under the dome?

[removes lid] I have a seared scallop and grilled corn salsa.

[notices that there is only one scallop on the plate] Wow. Now, are we on a diet?

No. [some of the contestants laugh with the audience] I thought it looked nice with just one.

I thought I'd get more from a Jersey girl. Every time I've been there, man, they're generous.

I know.

[eats the scallop] I'd love to give it a four. I can't, there's only one scallop there. I'm gonna give it a three. Three out of five.

Thank you, chef.

With Jackie having a respectable dish, Rhode Island culinary manager, Kevin, is putting his faith in his...

Chicken Caesar piadina.

[facepalms] There's a reason why you don't put fresh, crisp salad on a hot pizza. [Eddie shakes his head] Honestly, it looks... terrible. The dough's uneven. How'd you make that dough so quick?

Um, it was a pre-prepared dough.

So you didn't make the dough?

No. [audience groans]

[whispering] Shit.

And is it an authentic Caesar dressing?

Pre-made. [audience groans again; someone shouts at Gordon not to eat the food]

(interview, facepalms) Kevin!

Store-bought dough... store-bought Caesar salad dressing. Let me ask you something. Do you want to go home?

(interview) Oh, God. This is not good. [to Gordon] I'll do better, chef.

You'll do better?

I will. I can show you I will.

One out of five. That's all you get. Terrible.

Over in the blue kitchen...

Two risotto, one capellini, one special! Yes?!

Yes, chef!

LET'S GO!!

...the men are still backed up on appetizers and have now put the tableside chefs in neutral...

Let me go check on them (the chefs inside the blue kitchen), I'll be right back.

...and so Jared and Eddie, in an attempt to be useful, head to the kitchen to offer their assistance.

Guys, talk to me? What do you boys need? What do you boys need?

I'm finishing off this risotto. Eddie!

(to Eddie while pointing on Mark's pan) Risotto!

(interview) I heard everything going on I was like, "You know they need help. I am going back in there". (in the kitchen) [holds a pan of risottos to be sent to the pass] Coming around hot, coming 'round hot.

(calling Eddie) Hey, hey, you, come here, you. Put it (the pan Eddie is holding) down. Who cooked this?

I started it, chef, Eddie finished it for me.

(to Mark and Eddie) Come here you, taste that! It's bland, the rice is still undercooked, disgusting!

(interview) Mark is not getting any of his dishes right. He looks like deer in headlights when he's getting yelled at. Bro, like wake up! Hello, you're here!

(to Mark) Come here. (to Eddie) You, come here. Sit down [let to sit him on the chef's table] and eat your shit. (to Eddie) Yes, take a seat, you must be tired if you're gonna fucking... (calls Marino) Uh, Marino!

Yes, chef?

Glass of sauvignon blanc for Chef Mark and Steady Eddie.

Okay.

Hurry up, let's go.

Hello, guys. And if I were you, I would actually eat it fast.

(interview) I swallowed the risotto just like I swallowed my pride. I still don't know how the hell I got roped into that, to be honest with you.

Back in the blue kitchen...

[Holds the tickets] Come on guys, they're about to walk out!

Chef Ramsay is just looking for...

(to Hassan) Risotto, where is it?

You got my two lobsters for the risotto ready?

Yep! [Checking cooked shrimps] Make sure they're hot.

Go, go, go!

[brings the lobster to pass] To your left, chef.

Unreal. [returns the lobster at the workstation] Hey, hey, hey, hey, come here, all of you! ALL OF YOU!!!

(interview) Fish station, Alan and Kevin, they were kinda... (imitates whistling) like a fart in a fan factory, [sic] man. They were fucking lost.

Just touch that, put your hand on there! [sees a cold raw lobster on a plate] Touch, touch! Fucking (smashes the shrimp) COLD! WHAT'S GOING ON?! 'CAUSE I'M GETTING SERIOUSLY PISSED OFF!

I'm done, let's get out of here.

I do not fucking get it!

Chef, table 40 is leaving, two top, they haven't got anything yet.

Now the tables have walking out, just literally giving up! A bit like you. Fuck off out of here! GET OUT!!! GET OUT!!!

(interview) What a fucking shit show! I've never been a part of anything so hellacious in my life.

Hey! Hey, hey, bozo! Do me one favor tonight: get upstairs and think of two individuals that don't belong in the blue team. GET OUT!

Yes chef.

PATHETIC!

That was bru-TAL.

[after stirring around a pan of vegetarian risotto at the pass] Oh, my God! Hey! [holds up the pan to show the risotto sticking to the bottom] I know they may be vegetarian, but they deserve better than that! Who gave me that?!

I gave it to you, chef.

The rice is fucking raw.

(interview) What the fuck, bro?! Kevin... [makes slapping motion]

[throws pan and spoon across workstation] Is that your respect for a vegetarian?

No, chef.

COME ON! FINISH IT OFF! GET THE RICE COOKED!

Yes, chef!

While the red team waits, back in the Blue kitchen...

Fire now, Buzz Aldrin, two tuna, four wellington.

Yes, chef.

Chef Ramsay looks to Hassan on meat to pilot this VIP ticket.

Hassan, focus on your table!

Yes, chef. Put the wellingtons in for me, Kevin.

Heard. Wellingtons going in the oven. [holds a plate of perfectly cooked wellingtons to mistakenly send in the oven]

(to Kevin) Where is he going?! WHERE'S THAT IDIOT GOING?!

(called Kevin over) Hey, whoa, whoa! They're done. (captions on a screen)

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, bring those back, please. Get them over here! (interview) Kevin, they're already cooked, man. We're cooking the ones that aren't cooked. Back up before you get slapped up, bro.

Man! (gives Kevin a warning; throws a fork to a cleaning rack) (Points his finger to Kevin) Hey, you, I'll kick you to the fucking moon. (to Kevin) Come here.

(interview) Oh, damn! Not good.

He maybe an astronaut, but you're a space cadet. (to Kevin) Are you okay?

Yes, chef.

You sure?

Yes, chef.

FUCKING HELL!

(goes to the Blue kitchen) Hey! Hey, Blue team!

Yes, chef.

(to Eddie and Alan) You two, on desserts. The rest of you, jump into the Red Team and help them finish! Now!

Yes, chef!

NOW!

Where we at?

Who’s on fish? I’ll hop on fish!

What do we got working?

That’s already reduced in there. Right here.

I can’t believe this is fucking happening.

It’s fucking burnt, throw it out.

(interview) These boys just bomb-rushed our kitchen, kamikaze style. Like, fucking... [imitates bomb falling and going off]

As soon as those two tunas are ready, we’ll go to the pass!

Why are you screaming?!

I’m not screaming! THIS IS HOW I TALK!

(interview; impersonates Hassan yelling at her) "You guys need to listen to me, ‘cause I’m Hassan, and I'm big, and I blah-blah-blah!" Shut up!

Tuna going to the window!

[to Sous Chef Christina] On your left, two fish.

Okay, let’s go.

First ticket out, team! Loving the teamwork, guys!

With a very vocal Hassan leading the charge, the men have taken over the red kitchen...

[to Kris Jenner] And I have your tuna.

Kris Jenner

Smells so good.

...delivering entrées to the chef’s table and grateful customers in the dining room.

Last table now! Two Arctic char, four wellington!

Let’s go, guys.

I’m walking char.

Heard!

She’s (Jackie) got the wellies right behind you.

Service, please.

Alright, guys, let’s clear it down.

Christina Wilson

[to Red team] Please thank the gentlemen for finishing your service two nights in a row!

Thank you, guys!

No problem.

Fucking pathetic-ass shit. Bullshit ass team. Worst team ever.

Get the fuck out of the way! GET OUT OF THE WAY! SEASON FROM A FUCKING HIGH! LET'S GO! [showing Kevin how to cook scallops] Watch me! Twelve o'clock, one o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock, four o'clock, yes?

Yes chef.

Bang, that is it. You just leave them here.

Yes chef.

Then you check in with your garnish.

Aaahhh!!!

What the (bleep) are you doing?

(Bleep, bleep)! It's hot! It's hot! (groans)

I grabbed it with my hand. [stove starts catching fire]

Oh, my God! Oh, (bleep) hell!

Look! [captions on the screen]

That's my mistake, my mistake.

Get out! (Bleep) GET OUT! Now you are making history you're gonna burn down the the restaurant! Refire scallop! [tosses the barely undercooked scallops through the sink]

Back in the Blue Kitchen, Chef Ramsay finds nothing that is amusing.

(to Kevin) Where are the scallops?

Right here chef! Right here chef!

Hey, all of you! Fuckin' hell. Just touch them, come on! Just touch them! Just touch that! Touch it! Look at it! Look!

I've just done them with you and they are all fucking overcooked, raw, this is not normal! All of you, come here! Get in there!

Yes, chef.

MOVE, CHAD!

(interview) Oh, Jesus Christ. Not tonight of all fuckin' nights, not tonight!

Get over there! Get over there! [approaches the entire team to the pantry room] What in the fuck is going on here? What is going on?(points at Kevin) You!

I fucked up, chef.

Do me a big favour.

Yes, chef?

Yeah?! Get your apron off, get packed, and fuck off out! [opens the pantry room door for Kevin] First, GET OUT! GET OUT!

Yes, chef. [leaves the pantry room to pack his things]

[cold-blooded] Who's next?

[dead silence]

Get your shit together, and salvage what's left for all of you. FUCKING WAKE UP! NOW!

Yes, chef. (interview) Kevin just went down, I don't know what the fuck happened. No more mistakes, we can't have a shit service.

Joe! On the fish, now!

Yes, chef. [to Blue team] Let's rebound, guys! Rebound, guys!