Steve McGarrett quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Steve

What news?

Aunt Deb

Short version. Leonard popped the question and I said yes. [shows her engagement ring]

Steve

You're engaged?

Deb

Yeah.

Steve

You've been dating for a couple of months. What's the rush?

Deb

[slaps Steve on the arm] Oh, my pragmatic nephew. Never one for romance or the grand gesture. Honey, you know the country western song "Live Like You Were Dying"?

Steve

Yeah.

Deb

Well, makes more sense when you're actually dying.

Steve

I got no issue with you being a lawyer, Leonard.

You just don't like my client. I worked for Gino Leone, yeah, but I felt like my real job was to keep the government accountable. There were times they overreached trying to put Gino behind bars.

Steve

Yeah, because they knew he was guilty.

But if Gino Leone doesn't have the same right to privacy and self-incrimination as the rest of us, sooner or later, none of us will have those rights. So I gave him my best defense.

Steve

Apparently, you gave him a little more than your best defense. The word is that you helped him bury evidence. I checked you out.

I knew you would, that's why I brought this. [picks a box wrapped in brown paper out of a bag] One morning, an envelope was dropped at my office. Inside was a key to a locker in the Penn Station and a note that read, "Destroy anything you find." This box was in the locker.

Steve

What's in it?

I don't know. If I had opened this box and there was evidence, morally I would have been compelled to share it with the prosecution. So I didn't open it, but I didn't destroy it either. I would never do that.

Steve

What do you want me to do with it?

Do whatever you think is right. I ended my treatment the day before Deb and I got on the boat. There's nothing more they can do. I'm feeling pretty good right now, but in a month or so, I'm going to take a turn for the worse. All I really want to do is spend whatever time I have left making your aunt the happiest woman in the world. We're getting married tomorrow, but I know it wouldn't feel right to her unless you were there and I appreciate you hearing me out. [leaves]

Steve

You know what that is? That's a criminal complaint for felony grand larceny auto, charging you with the theft of my car.

I-I understand, sir, and when I get out of jail, promise I'll pay you back -

Steve

Hold on, hold on. I'm not done. The only thing missing from this is my signature. I'm gonna make you the deal of a lifetime. All right? This is what's gonna happen. First, we're gonna go to all the body shops, get back all the parts you sold off. And then you and me, we're gonna put my car back together exactly the way it was before you took it. As long as you keep your nose clean, this complaint stays [pushes file in drawer] in my drawer, unsigned. You understand?

Yes. Thank you.

Steve

Don't thank me yet. I got eyes and ears all over this island. If I hear one incident, you step out of line one time for the smallest thing, I don't care what it is, I'm gonna find you and I'm not gonna be the nice guy sitting across the desk from you today. Do you understand?

Yes. Thank you.

Steve

This is your second chance, Nahele, all right? Could be, could be your last chance. Don't blow it, buddy. Take advantage of it.

Joe White

You know, Steve, if I didn't know better, I would swear there was something on your mind.

Steve

[sighs] You want to do this with me? You want to talk circles with me, huh? You know I got questions.

Joe

And I'm not gonna duck them anymore. You want answers- I'm here to give you answers. Fire away.

Steve

Did you know about my mother's relationship with Wo Fat?

Joe

I knew that she took care of him after his mother was killed, until the CIA found out about it and they forced her to abandon him.. and I promised her I would never tell you that.

Steve

So why are you telling me now?

Joe

Because you deserve to know the truth.

Steve

Okay. Here's the thing, Joe-- I already got the truth, and I got from the person I least expected it from.

Joe

Wo Fat?

Steve

Yeah.

Joe

And I bet that pissed you off.

Steve

Well, I put a bullet in his head. What do you think?

Joe

Steve, I believe that your mother always did what she thought was right.

Steve

What my mother did was self-serving, and it was all to cover up the murder of an innocent woman. Wo Fat's mother was an innocent woman.

Joe

Doris had an assignment- that death was collateral.

Steve

She covered it up, and that is a crime.

Joe

So I tell you where she is, and what-- what are you gonna do then? Are you gonna go arrest your own mother?

Steve

Are you gonna tell me where she is? You just finished telling me you're done ducking my questions. [gets startled by wrecking ball broadsiding the car]

Danny

[walks into Steve's house] He's dead. He is dead. [walks into kitchen]

Steve

Good morning to you, too.

Danny

I swear, I think that I am gonna kill this little punk. [sees Steve making coffee] Nice.

Steve

Okay. Who we killing?

Danny

This, uh, kid in Grace's math class, his name is 'Apane, and he's been texting her nonstop. Text, text, text, text, text, text.

Steve

How do you know he's been texting her?

Danny

Because I bought her a new cellular phone and somehow in the family cloud share plan, whatever you call it, it got mixed up and I'm receiving all of her text messages.

Steve

So you've been spying on her.

Danny

I'm not spying on my kid. What'd I just say? Number one. Number two, it's called parenting, so you know.

Steve

It's also spying.

Danny

You know why you think it's funny? Because you don't understand subtext.

Steve

Subtext. They're two kids talking about candy the day before Valentine's Day. Romance is in the air, Danny.

Danny

Romance is in the air?

Steve

Romance is in the air.

Danny

No, romance is not in the air. You know why? Because she's twelve. There should not be any romance in her airspace, period.

Lou

Anybody bringing a camera to a gunfight got my respect.

Steve

You know, I got to know some of these embeds when I was downrange. I got to tell you, they're a special breed. I mean, they're driven and they're committed, but they're crazy.

Lou

Raising kids is a lot like grilling burgers.

Danny

Uh-huh.

Lou

You can't poke them and prod them too much. All you can do is just watch them closely and be there when the flames jump up.

Danny

That's it! There you go. That's fantastic.

Danny

Steve?

Steve

Yeah?

Danny

You got to hear this. Grover is comparing, uh, raising children to, uh, making hamburgers.

Lou

What's the matter with that?

Steve

I like it.

Danny

You like it?

Steve

I like it.

Danny

Right. 'Cause the analogy is free, like, uh, the-the booze is free. The beers are free. Everything is free.

Lou

[sighs in dismay] Brother, you're playing what we like to call military golf. Left, right, left, right.

Steve

What am I doing wrong?

Lou

Well, for starters, you're swinging like a gorilla. Don't you remember what I said in the parking lot? This is a game of finesse. The easier you swing, the further that little white ball goes.

Steve

Okay, that doesn't make any sense to me.

Steve

You guys know each other?

Lou

Please ignore my ignorant friend. He just crawled out from under a rock this morning, with a driver in his hand.

[to Steve] If you don't mind, I just want to give you a tip. I just saw something from back there.

Lou

Oh, I would yes, please. By all means, yeah, especially if it's free. His motto is, "If it's for free, then it's for me."

You know, I spent the last two years of my life just existing. I think it's time to start living again.

Steve

You know don't look back, okay? Just don't look back, whatever you do. You can't change the past. Trust me on that.

Steve

Take, like, a domesticated canine, you put it in the wild. Okay, but a cat-- they never forgot how to hunt and kill.

Danny

Well, I guess that's why you two get along then. That's why you like cats.

Steve

Yeah.

Danny

Aw, that smells disgusting, Steve. Who microwaves an omelet, huh?!

Steve

The body needs protein. When you're not sleeping, it needs it even more. What is that? What are you doing?

Danny

I'm doing a little, uh, quiz out of this book: uh, "how well you know your partner?". It asked me to list something you were very passionate about.

Steve

Oh, yeah? What'd you write?

Danny

Protein.

You like to make a dramatic entrance, don't you?

Steve McGarrett

Yeah, well, uh, we found your coke.

Where is it?

Steve

Well, it's gone.

What do you mean, gone?

Steve

I mean, uh, we destroyed it. [shows phone cam footage of the team burning the coke stash]

You realize you just signed your friend's death warrant, right?

Steve

I don't think so. You see, at the same location, we didn't just find the drugs. We found Reyes' books. [shows USB drive] This, right here, is everything to do with Sandpiper. Including all the payoff accounts. Hey, see, Marco Reyes was, uh, he was paying money to a bunch of different people-- various Colombian generals, politicians, government officials - and one American.

Joe White

You.

Steve

You never cared about justice; you never cared about the law. All you wanted was your piece of the action.

You are meddling in international affairs, Commander.

Joe

Just shut up and listen.

Steve

This is what's gonna happen. You're gonna have Detective Williams returned to U.S. soil with all charges dropped. And the second his plane touches down in Oahu, you're gonna resign, you're gonna collect your pension, and then you're gonna disappear. And if you don't, this gets released.

Steve

So you're a barber, you're a lawyer, and you're an explosives expert?

Odell

Yeah, my Grandpa Jack was a barber stationed in England during World War II. Uncle Sam liked the boys cleaned up before heading to the front lines. He was assigned to the Combat Demolition Unit. One of his regulars taught him how to make a Molotov Cocktail using hair dye and aftershave. Jack always said, "A piece of knowledge is better than a good tip."

Steve

Good thing you were paying attention, huh?

Odell

There we go. Done. [to Steve, seriously] I'm a pacifist.