Lou Grover quotes from Hawaii Five-0

Lou

[knocks down a suspect who tried to run away] Didn't your mother tell you to look both ways?! [handcuffs suspect] Come on. Let's go to jail.

Lou

This is more than a complaint, it's a problem! This is about the complete lack of accountability that allows this man's behaviour to go unchecked!

DON'T TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB, CAPTAIN! Look, I have a full schedule and I don't have time to play principal! This is a small island, I expect you to play nicely together in our sandbox, understood?

Lou

Yes, sir.

Steve?

Steve

Yes, sir.

Lou Grover

Damn it!

Steve

What's wrong?

Lou

Was I talking to you?

Steve

You have a very angry disposition, you know that?

Lou

Oh, well, maybe it's 'cause I'm with you.

Steve

[annoyed] Would you stop doing that? You look like a flying giraffe.

Lou

How can there be no cell reception up here?

Steve

Welcome to Waimanalo.

Lou

You know, McGarrett, I got to ask you, why is it that you are the constant variable in every pile of crap I step in?

Steve

[sarcastically] Oh, that's good; this is my fault.

Lou

I'm just calling it like I see it, man. Wherever you go, trouble follows.

Steve

That's funny coming from you.

Lou

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Steve

You don't think I did my homework, huh? HPD hires a new SWAT commander, you don't think I'm gonna check you out? It's not every day that a 20-year vet on track to becoming superintendent up and moves to a rock in the middle of the Pacific. Unless he's running from something.

Lou

Oh, by night, he's a Navy SEAL, by day, he's a shrink.

Steve

What the matter? You're all right?

Danny

Why wouldn't I be all right?

Lou Grover

Well, you do seem a little nervous.

Danny

Nervous? We're about to meet the President. Why are you so zen? That's a better question. All of you.

Steve

I was nervous too, the first time.

Danny

The first time? When did you meet the President?

Steve

I can't tell you that. That's classified.

Danny

Oh, it's classified, huh? Was it during Operation Strawberry Fields?

Steve

[mumbles to himself] I've already said too much.

Danny

[surprised to see Lou Grover and his daughter Samantha] What's up, Lou? What, uh, what are you doing here?

Lou

Well, we're doing a little community service as penance for someone's recent transgression. [glares at Samantha]

Danny

Ah.

Samantha

Daddy, I said I was sorry.

Lou

Yeah, I remember. [Samantha rolls her eyes in response] [turns to Danny] Do yourself a favor. Don't let yours grow up.

Danny

No, I don't want her to grow up at all.

Lou

Oh, you buying?

Catherine

Yeah.

Steve

Who invited you?

Lou

This Grinch act of yours, just-just stop it. You know you like me. You just have difficulty expressing your feelings.

Danny

[to Lou] I don't know how he feels about you, but he definitely likes a free meal. That I know.

Steve

[turns to Danny] What's that supposed to mean??

Danny

[to Steve] Well, I don't want to put a fine point on it, but you are cheap.

Lou

[under his breath] Yeah. Oops.

Steve

[on the phone with Danny] How about you?

Danny

Me? I'm sick.

Steve

I mean, she's only gonna be gone for a couple of days, Danny, okay?

Danny

You're missing the point. She did the drop-and-run, Steve, okay? Not even barely a kiss on the cheek. All right? And this is not the first time. This is not the first time that I have looked in my girl's eyes and seen something different. I don't know what it is. It's like her innocence is, uh, floating off into space or something. I don't know what.

Steve

Ah, well, she's growing up, ok? What are you gonna do?

Danny

Build a time machine. I'm gonna go back in time when she was just a baby, before I met you, to a happy time in my life.

Steve

Ok. Good luck with that.

Danny

[unamused] You think this is funny, don't you?

Lou

Yeah, listen, it gets worse. Oh, yeah. Yeah, wait till she asks you to take her bra shopping, huh. Or when the first boyfriend shows up. You're gonna love that. You ain't seen nothing yet, pal, so put on your big-boy pants because Father Time is not your friend.

Danny

Will you put Steve back on, please? [Lou passes the phone back to Steve]

Steve

Yeah.

Danny

Do not, under any circumstances, ever do that to me again.

Lou

[shouts into phone] Truth hurts, don't it?

Danny

Okay, put him back on.

Steve

Okay. [passes phone to Lou]

Lou

I'll tell you something else... [Danny hangs up on them]

Steve

I can slow down if you, uh, if you can't keep up.

Lou

You know, my old man once told me never mistake somebody who's moving fast with somebody who knows where they're going.

Steve

Yeah, all due respect, your old man didn't know me. I move fast and I know where I'm going.

Lou

[sarcastically] Boy, I wish I was half as good as you think you are. [swats an insect near his ear] Ouch!

Steve

[takes a drink from his water bottle] Long way from Chicago, huh?

Steve

I know you're not gonna go home, sit in your rocking chair and wait on a call from me, okay? You're gonna be out here making a mess of things, you know? Get in my way, so I figured I'd do myself a favor, right? Save myself the trouble. But you're only half right. Catherine Rollins is on reserve duty. I got Danno on the North Shore, I'm short-handed so I thought about it and figured you were competent enough to tag along.

Lou

Competent enough? Well, you ain't exactly Mount Rushmore material yourself, you know.

Kamekona

Bruddah, I don't think it's chili unless you have spam in it.

Lou

Where I come from, spam is a controlled substance. Eat up.

Steve

I've been thinking a lot about our last conversation. How you wanted to know what brought me back to Hawaii. Well, a month ago, I would've told you it was to find the man who killed my father. I realized it was about more than that. I lost somebody. Somebody really close to me. He, um he gave his life to save mine.

Lou Grover

What was his name?

Steve

His name was Freddie Hart. He was a team guy. We went through BUD/S together. We always had each other's back. He was my brother. More than anything else in this world, Freddie wanted to be a father. That was it. He would've been a great father, too. Anyway, after he died, um the Navy didn't feel the same. When the governor offered me Five-O I jumped at it.

Lou

You ran away.

Steve

Yeah.

So, Captain, I really appreciate you showing me around. Well But I'm a little old for a babysitter. I mean, I loved going to the police museum, and the M.E. was riveting. But I was kind of hoping for something, you know, a little more adventurous.

Lou

Well, I hate to disappoint, but, uh, me taking you into the middle of a dangerous situation...

That's not gonna happen?

Lou

You know that's not gonna happen.

Not even, like, a sketchy donut shop or something?

Lou

I see where that boy of yours gets his bite.

Lou

I figure we ought to get you guys a Five-O Grover signal. That way, you can just throw it up in the sky when you need me.

Steve

Trust me, nobody wants to see your name in lights.

Danny

Yeah, and nobody on the planet wants to see you in tights.

Lou Grover

"A city boy", my ass.

Chin Ho

Take a look at that sucker.

Lou

How many did McGarrett get on his first try, you say?

Chin Ho

Half a dozen.

Lou

Oh.

Chin Ho

But I'll tell you what that's three times bigger than anything he caught.

Lou

You got your phone?

Chin Ho

Yeah.

Lou

Take a picture and send it to him.

Chin Ho

Oh, come on. You sure you want to kick up that hornet's nest?

Lou

Oh, hell yeah, I do! Come on, just take a picture.

Chin Ho

[as Lou poses] All right. All right. All right. Ready? Smile.