Rico Suave quotes from Hannah Montana

Rico

Would you like the 30% friends and family discount?

Thirty percent? Fifty!

Rico

Forty and I'll be nice to your son at the shack.

Forty-five and I don't care how you treat him.

Rico

Well, I want you to meet my sweetie, Lily!

Lilly

[She spits out nachos] What?!?

Lilly

You have a cousin named Angus?

Rico

His real name's Alejandro Nuñes Gonzales Uberto Sifuentes.

Lilly

Why do you call him Angus?

Rico

Because it's easier than calling him Alejandro Nuñes Gonzales Uberto Sifuentes. I hate him when he visits! Obnoxious jerk! All he ever does is one-up me! I catch a fish, he wrestles an alligator! I'm voted Model Student of the Month, he's voted Australia Swimsuit Model of the Year!

[in Australian accent] Good day, mate!

Rico

And the torture begins!

Lilly

Hey, he looks just like—

Rico

[cuts her off before she can mention how much he and Angus look alike] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know! He's gorgeous! Don't rub it in!

Old Rico

Hey-o! My aching back! Jackson, wake up!

Old Jackson

(wakes up) Miley Stewart's Hannah Montana! Oh no, I just gave out the secret!

Old Rico

What secret? She announced her eighth final farewell concert fifty years ago.

Old Jackson

Oh, that's right. I missed that one, because I was uh--I was, uh--(mutters, and falls asleep)

Old Rico

Jackson!

Old Jackson

(wakes up) MILEY STEWART'S HANNAH MONTANA!

Old Rico

You're the worst excuse for an employee I've ever had. You're fired!

Old Jackson

But--but what will I do? I never went to college.

Old Rico

That's your problem. (cackles weakly, but looks away while coughing)

(holding a surfboard and singing) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Lilly

Oh my gosh, you're in love with Jesse?

Miley

(pacing back and forth) I'm not in love with Jesse.

Lilly

And yet you saw him on Jake's body. Interesting.

Miley

Okay, fine. I'm a little bit attracted to him but I can control it because I'm not going to let this ruin what I have with Jake. I mean we have so much history. We have way too much history to throw it all away on some intense, brooding, passionate, (starts smiling and daydreaming) strong, yet sensitive guy-

Lilly

Miley.

Miley

Who has these warm brown eyes that move you like the moon and the tide. A dance as old as time itself.

Lilly

Well, as long as you can control it.

Miley

Control what? (snaps out of it) Oh boy.