They gave me this badge!
OH, wow! You're an official Anti-Druglord.
Yes, I am, and I'm putting you in my under observation file.
Okay, you do that. (Henry walks out indicating he'll keep his eyes on Sean) Narc.
S3Henry's Been Working for the Drug Squad
S3Tonight's the Night
[to Sean] Your condom machine's broken.
I thought that symbol on the bathroom door was a man with his shirt tucked out.
The stuff that you wanted Dean to say? Was it... you know, like, the way you look when you're happy about something?
What do you mean?
When you smile, it's like... it's like your eyes are smiling, too.
Yeah, that would've been okay.
Or how... when that storm knocked that nest out of that tree, you went and got a ladder and put it back, even though you're totally afraid of heights.
[sitting next to Brad] You saw that?
My dad locks me out a lot. You know, he could've said something about how, you know when you take a sip from the water fountain at school? You always use both your fingers to push your hair behind your ear. [Demonstrates] Like that. Anyone who pays attention knows there's a million nice things they could say about you.
[Lily kisses him]
[shocked] What did you do that for?
I guess it was too hard not to.
S4Your Father Should Know (1)
Eddie (to Sean): Why is there a plastic angel covered with blood on the sidewalk?
It's not covered with blood. It's just got droplets of blood on it.
Oh. Why is there a plastic angel with droplets of blood on it on the sidewalk?
It fell off the roof.
And it started bleeding?
No, it hit Brad O'Keefe in the nose.
Brad (to Lily): Your dad's gonna kill me!
Well, maybe if you hadn't told your dad, none of this would've happened!
I didn't mean to, it just slipped out! He was giving me a driving lesson and it wasn't going well.
Is that when you almost ran over the dog?
Yeah. And my dad said I was such an idiot and even if I ever did get a girlfriend, I'd probably run over her dog, too, so I... just told him.
And?
And then he got all misty on me so I gave him a hug and he took me to Macy's and bought me some pants. My father has never bought me pants before!
S4Your Father Should Know (2)
Sean (to Dan): What the hell do you think this dinner's about? We didn't invite you over to play Boggle!
DDan
I'd kick your ass in Boggle!
Oh, well, bring it on, pal!
CConnie
I'm not gonna sit here while you play Boggle with the tramp's father.
Mom! Lily is not a tramp. She waited all year to sleep with her boyfriend and then at the last minute, she slept with me instead!
BRAD!!!
S4All Apologies
I'm gonna kill you!
What'd I do?
You're a degenerate scumbag!
Could you be more specific?
You and Claudia, and the kids were outta town. It seemed a shame to let a perfectly good porn set go to waste.
It's not a porno set. It's our house!
You've gotta let her know you learned something from this.
Yeah... So what'd I learn?
Not to shoot porno in our house!!
I learned something.
Oh, really? What did you learn?
That what I did was wrong. And to respect you. And respect your house. And respect that you got a thing about people shooting porn in it.
Great now Uncle Eddie isn't allowed over. Now I'm gonna have a porno birthday!
S4Me and Mrs. O
Hey, Brad, how's it going?
It's going great... MOTHER LOVER!
[Two girls are talking and Jimmy interrupts]
I know!
G1Girl #1
You know what?
You know, what you were just talking about...
G2Girl #2
You've kissed a guy with a mustache?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Grounded for Life pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.