Greg the Bunny Season 1 quotes

Alison

Oh, hey! Yay! Look who's here! Everybody, this is Laura Carlson from TV Guide.

Jimmy

Oh, wow. I hope she's as easy as their crossword puzzles.

No kidding. I would like to see a magician try to pull me out of her.

Alison

Yeah, the whole angle is going to be how, even behind the scenes, we're one, big, happy family.

Jack

Yeah, right.

Alison

Yeah, right, and if we do this right, we could wind up on the cover, which would do incredible things for me. Us. The show.

This could be perfect. I could plug my CD entitled, "It's Delightful, It's Delicious, It's Demontague."

Alison

As much as I would love you to go plug yourself, Warren, this is not the time.

Leo Tolstoy began "Anna Karenina" by writing that all happy families resemble one another, while every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Yeah, that's right -- I've read the first page of a lot of books.

Well, when you think about it, father-son relationships are a lot like omelets. You know, the more you put into them, the better they're going to be. Nobody likes them when they're cold, and if you want to make a good one, sometimes you got to break a few eggs.

Listen, I need to fill some seats tonight. Uh, how'd you like come to my play?

Tardy

I like to play with Warren.

No, uh, Tardy. I will be in a play. You understand? Performing.

Tardy

I'm not 'upposed to eat the Legos.

Oh God, it's like talking to Keanu Reeves.

Jimmy

You never tell me anything.

I tell you things! Like when grandma had a stroke --

Jimmy

Grandma had a stroke!?

Yes, but don't worry - she can still criticise my every decision with the left side of her body.

Gil

I'm losing everything. Sandy and I are getting a divorce.

Blah

You're kidding. What happened?

Gil

Oh, you know, she says I spend too much time in the office. Uh, you know, uh, I'm not affectionate enough. Uh, I'm distant. Uh, I pat my fingers too much. You know, I'm cheap. Uh, I breathe funny. You know, I don't listen. Who knows what she's saying half the time.

History is filled with fathers and sons who just can't get along. Oedipus and Mr. Oedipus. Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader. Son of Sam and Sam. You know, it makes you wonder if fathers and sons will always be destined to collide.

Jimmy

I don't know if this is going to work.

Dude, it's time travel. How hard could it be? If I'm successful, I will go back to 1988 and stop them from making Back to the Future 3.

Why is there so much wrong and so little right? Where have the saints gone marching tonight? What won't you do for the almighty buck?

Jimmy

Is it just me, or does this thing suck?

So no one likes to be the bad guy. Well, alright, except for skilled character actors like Alan Rickman. But the point is, you know, if you're the one calling the shots, well, then there's always going to be some people who get, well, pissed. But there are also always going to be people who will look out for you, and make sure that they've got you covered no matter what comes down.

You know about my movie.

Alison

Your agent called. See you bright and early in the morning, Professor Ape.

I don't think so. Because I quit.

Alison

You can't quit. We treasure you here, Warren. Plus, you're contractually obligated.

Force me to appear, and my performances will be soulless, unimpassioned and sterile.

Gil

Good. So everything's back to normal.

Tardy

[when asked by his boss if he likes Allison the network executive] I love Allison.

I'm thrilled, sir! I am honored! I, um, well, you know, Gary, I--I would like to talk to you about, uh, you know, some, uh, clunky writing there in the second act.

But... it's Shakespeare.

Yeah. Yeah. Alright, I'll make it work.

When you're ready. Um, we've, uh, we've got a lot of people to see.

Oh, yes. Well, of course you do. Uh, many fine choices out there... if you're looking to put the "Ham" in "Hamlet."