Greg the Bunny · Season 1
Ooh, this is really difficult for me to say -- and I'm only saying it because I don't want to see you get hurt. I think Jimmy is flirting with you because he wants to get me jealous.
Oh, please! What would he want with a hairless, two-breasted woman, when he can have all this?
--I'm just saying that I think it was kind of bizarre for you to call me on my cell phone to tell me that cell phones give you cancer. Do you--
Hey, Warren, you shouldn't kick Rochie when he's down.
Oh, right, right. Like when you fired him from his job of 15 years, and tossed him out onto the street. You replaced him with Greg, and you hired him back to be our manservant.
Uh, no. I did that when he was on top. I'm saying, don't kick him when he's down. There's a difference.
Heh heh. Oh, ol' Rochie, Rochie. How far the mighty have fallen.
It's just a little dry spell -- I'll be back. I'm like John Travolta in between Grease and Pulp Fiction.
Yes, well, until Quentin Tarantino swoops in, there's an overflowing toilet in the men's can.
No, wait, Rochester. Look, Mr. Bender, if you don't hire Rochester, then I quit!
You would do that for me?
Yes, I would.
So, Gil, are you recasting? 'Cause I'm available.
Hi, Susan. Looking good.
H-H-Hi, Jimmy.
You smell nice. What's that scent you're wearing?
Scotchguard.
Are you okay?
Oh, yeah, it's nothing. It's something I got playing rugby.
You play rugby?
Yeah. Don't let my height or... weight or... build or... delicate features fool you.
Oh, sorry, Jimmy. I was having that nightmare again.
What, the "buried alive" nightmare?
Yeah. This time, they were singing some happy song, and then all of a sudden, it got dark and unpleasant, like an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical.
[singing] Many things are good to take, like a swim out on the lake.
[singing] Take a walk or take a hike. Take a ride on your new bike, blah.
[singing] Take a train to New Orleans.
[singing] Take a look at my blue jeans.
[singing] Take my temperature when I'm sickly.
[singing] Relax, this will be over quickly.
[singing] But never take what isn't yours in your grubby, little paws.
[singing] Greg, isn't that what you have done?
[singing] Come on, guys, this isn't fun.
[singing] Taking something causing grief.
[singing] Admit it, Greg, you are a thief. Admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it...
Looking back, it was pretty amazing how we all stuck by each other... Even Alison took one for the team... Well, we spent the whole day pretending to be a family. And the biggest surprise of the night was that we already were one.
Why the hell are you wearing a dress?
Hmm? Oh, this. Yeah, huh, funny story there. Hank Thompson -- guy at my gun club -- starts shooting way better than he usually does. So I ask him what his secret is. Ladies underpants, he says. It relaxes him, slows his heartbeat, which steadies his aim. So I tried it, and I started shooting a lot better. So I added skirt, wig, makeup, some pumps -- next thing you know, I'm top marksman at my gun club. Oh, and you know what else? Works for bowling, too.
That's weird. They never let me wear my own shoes when I'm bowling.
Yeah. That's the weird part.
Jack, the woman from TV Guide is here.
Oh, no, you're kidding. This is so embarrassing... Look at this place -- it's a mess!
Yes, well, perhaps you'd like to slip into a French maid's outfit and tidy up a bit.
Laura, have you interviewed Count Blah yet? He is such a talent, and so professional.
Oh, yes, if by professional, you mean stealing his entire act from a Sesame Street character.
That's a filthy lie! That son-of-a-bitch stole my bit, blah!
Blah and the--and the Count from Sesame Street have this, like, playful rivalry. I love when you do that. It's totally fake.
Fake, just like his accent. I'm from Romania. He's from New Jersey. And I'll tell you another thing about him. Yeah, he once showed up in an emergency room with 1, 2, 3 -- 3 gerbils!
"...if you get caught between the moon and New York City..."
You know, the distance between the moon and New York City actually varies due to the moon's elliptical orbit.
Oh, elliptical. Well, my, my -- they must be using some awfully big words on the Cartoon Network.
Actually, Laura, I studied astronomy in college. In fact, I graduated with a perfect G.P.A. Whereas the only 4.0 Warren ever got was on a breathalyzer test.
Boy, you actually brought a synthesizer.
Yes, well, nothing but the best for Blah's birthday.
It's Jack's birthday.
Yeah, whatever. Come on, shove aside, Bender -- the reporter can't see me.
Warren, Warren, we have exactly three hours to plan a surprise party for Jack, okay? Spread the word.
Oh, good God, this isn't going to be like the time you threw me a party and then cleaned out my liquor cabinet, is it?
That wasn't a party; that was an intervention.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Greg the Bunny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
