Yeah, well, I can't act. And I can't sing. I--I tried to write. I-I tried writing a--a script for Full House. It was really, really horrible.
Well, that's okay. Most scripts don't get anywhere.
No, they made it.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Alright, listen. Uh, sometimes when people drink a little too much, they tend to... hallucinate.
GGreg
Yeah, they also tend to urinate, which is what I saw you doing last night.
Gary Oldman. You ever see his Dracula? Bad hair.
GGreg
You know, you made her cry, man. You hurt her feelings.
Oh, please. She is a network robot, okay? They didn't program her model with feelings.
'Cause she always seems so sad.
Don't you mean cranky, blah?
What about Cranky? We invited him.
CCranky
Yeah, well, I ain't comin', ya bastards!
GGreg
Being in a position of authority rarely makes you popular. In high school, I thought my service as a hall monitor might have gotten me elected homecoming king. But instead, it made me the football team's favorite toilet brush.
Of course. Of course. Well, let her know that I would be willing to do a monologue on the show tomorrow. Perhaps Claudius' angst over the murder of his brother might be fun for the kiddies.
Okay, uh, who's the comic genius who took a whiz in Alison's car last night?
Oh, my God. That's horrible.
Uh, well, I can't believe it. Who could be so immature?
Well, at least she has, uh, bucket seats.
Look, I'm serious. Whoever did this, you're in big trouble.
You said "urine," blah.
I'm serious! She's really pissed!
GGreg
You know, I really learned something that day. Something besides the fact that Jimmy has to get a new car, because, let me tell you, these little side trips to the cemetery are way too emotionally draining. I learned that, you know, even though it's scary to let go of the past, being able to do so is a true test of character.
Oh, you'll be fine. Besides, if you're always retracing your footsteps, you'll never make new ones, blah.
That's a little odd coming from somebody whose idea of a hot date is to sob uncontrollably to a marble slab.
You are a pompous, self-centered monkey!
You are a shallow, manipulative trollop!
Hey, why don't we all calm down before somebody says something untrue.
And I'll have you know, Blah is the greatest lover I've ever had. Talk about a G-spot? He found the whole damn alphabet.
Warren, stop it. There is nothing going on between Gil and me. I mean, look at him!
Hello. Person with feelings standing here.
Despite what you think, I wouldn't just sleep with anything.
Anything? Hey, you married an ape and slept with a vampire!
Look, I know Jack's a little strange. But he's not stalking you. When would he have the time, with all his anger management classes and gun club meetings?
This thing between you and Maggie. Is it, uh, serious?
No, it's just a one-time thing. Well, technically, it's a four-time thing. But just one night.
Four?
I'm a little rusty...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Greg the Bunny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.