Greg the Bunny quotes

Dottie

Oh, and by the way, guys, uh, Leo is a little quirky. He'd prefer it if you didn't talk to him too much.

Blah

Well, fine, the last thing we need is a disgruntled, singing postal worker, blah.

Alison

Gil, who is that?

Gil

That's our new mailman.

Alison

He's creepy. He looks like a real mailman.

Well, I, for one, welcome my brother from the stage. It will be nice to finally have a true actor to help me carry the show's full dramatic weight.

Gil

Warren, here's your banana for the Punky the Chunky Monkey sketch. Try not to eat it this time.

Well. That was... unfortunate timing.

Dottie

[singing] Hey, Mr. Mailman, what's in your sack?

[singing] Letters for Dottie, letters for Jack. I hand out letters, that's what I do. I hand out letters to you, you and you. I pass out letters from nighttime 'till noon. I make people happy as I yodel a tune. Odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay-hee-hoo. Odelay, odelay-hey.

Alison

[to Gil] I don't know where this guy came from, but return to sender... 'Cause he's a mailman, and he's... bad.

Dottie

You're not going to believe who I can get for this part! When you think of Broadway, who do you think of?

Gil

Nathan Lane?! You can get Nathan Lane?!

Dottie

No, bigger! Leo Kornelly!

Gil

Ahhh! Never heard of him.

Dottie

He's been in everything. He's huge. He's got more Tonys than the mob.

Gil

Tardy, get off the drums.

Tardy

Drumsticks can also be chicken.

Alright, men, let's get a weapons check.

Jack

I got a wrench.

I got a rope.

Blah

I got a candlestick.

Jimmy

Guys, we're going to beat up Leo, not play Clue.

Dottie

You're very good.

I know! So when I saw on the casting call that your show was looking to add a singing mailman, I thought, "What a coincidence! You guys need a singing mailman, and I have your dirty tape!"

Uh, Gil, uh, the man is a genius.

Blah

Yes, clearly ahead of his time, blah.

Alison

Yeah, well, if he's ahead of his time, that doesn't do us any good now, does it?

Blah

Yeah, well, he's only about three weeks ahead of his time. So, uh, by the time the show airs, he'll be perfect, blah.

Everyone makes mistakes. Hell, history's full of 'em. Betamax... Waterworld... your brother who's 16 years younger than you... And there's really no shame in making mistakes. Just as long as nobody knows about them.

And, uh, you know, I wrote a bunch of jokes, but, uh, I'm not, uh... well, the thing is, I, uh, I wasn't there when Rochie died, and I hadn't seen that tape before. And, frankly, it, uh, moved me. I can think of nothing more beautiful than to depart this earth doing what it is that you love. And, in Rochester's case, performing, dancing under those bright lights, a hoofing cowboy dying with his boots on. So I salute you, Rochester, my rival, my friend, for going out in a grand, theatrical style. And I tip my hat to Greg. Son, you cared enough to give Rochester the greatest gift that a man can receive. A smile to shape his very last breath. So, to Rochester.

Gil

But, you know, uh, Rochie was a, uh, bit of a health nut. He always stuck to a balanced diet. A drink in each hand.

Gil

'Cause the diet was... balanced. Okay, I put together a little video tribute. 'Cause it's not the first time Rochester's died on stage.

Yo, back off. The guy's funny.

Alison

And as a network executive, Rochie was always accusing me of being stiff and cold. Right back at ya, Rochie!

Dottie

And as a beloved television star, Rochester touched millions of adoring fans. Fortunately, only six of them pressed charges.

Jack

You know, we were all, uh, shocked when, uh, Rochie had a heart attack. Smart money was on liver failure.

Oh, this doesn't seem like a very respectful funeral. Look what they've done to Rochester.

Jimmy

Well, Greg, when some people die, it's a time to be sad. You know, but when others die, like the Irish or really evil people, it's a time to celebrate.