Greg the Bunny · Season 1
Look who it is. Mr. Brando. Welcome. Okay, you know what, fellas? You got a great appreciation for comedy. I got a joke for you. What do you get when you cross a half-wit bunny with a big disappointment?
What?
Out. That's what you get. You get out. You're fired.
Look, Greg, we had a deal. You support us while I finish medical school.
Oh, Jimmy, please. "Medical School" is a ridiculous name for a comic book.
It's a graphic novel. This is serious literature. See, the kid, and he breaks his arm, and the evil doctors come, and, "Where are you taking me?" "We're taking you to Medical School!"
Oh, Jesus, we're gonna starve.
So, puppets and humans may seem different, but, you know, in the end, we all want the same things. Love, acceptance, and... to luck our way into a cushy job that we really don't deserve.
Jimmy, you know how hard it is for me to get a job out there. I am sick of working one day a year on Easter.
Hey, Jimmy. Didja see what's on TV?
What?
Not me!
Alright, let me tell you something about television. I vouched for him to the network! Okay? I expressed an opinion! That's the kind of thing that ends careers in this business.
Sorry. It's just that, I mean, I--I love you! I--I've seen everything you've ever done! "Godspell," um, "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat"...
Yes, well, if it was lame and about Jesus, I was there.
Wow. Count Blah, can I just say that you scared the piss out of me. And I mean that from the heart, sir.
Please. You may call me Blah, blah.
Okay. Blah Blah.
No. Just Blah... blah.
Just... Blah Blah.
Blah! My boy, it is simple. Just Blah... blah.
Just Blah... Blah.
Look, don't turn this into a frickin' Abbott and Costello routine, okay? Just call me Blah, and leave it at that.
[singing] Snowball, snowball, what do you do with snowfall? You ball it up, and make it stick, and then you hurl it like a brick. Snowball, you are my best friend. Snowball, your love never ends. Whether you are white or yellow, you are sure my favorite fellow. Snowball, I'm in love with you. Snowball, you complete me. Snowball, you make me rock my world.
You're right. He's cute. He's quick. He does improv. He's like Robin Williams.
Yeah. Only not as furry.
Yes, Warren. Uh, we're having a little casting session in here. We're, uh, thinking of making a small cast change.
You spotty bastard! I give you the best years of my life, and this is how you repay me? Well, the joke's on you, you godless bloodsucker! I am an actor. Hmm-mm. Yes, I have range. And I don't need your insipid, little morbid show!
I just want you to read with the other actors, Warren. We're replacing Rochester.
Oh. Well, apparently, you do read the suggestion box.
I know that. I know that. I'm as sentimental as the next person, Gil. Trust me, I'm so sentimental. But his--his fur is thinning, and his ears are drooping, and it's gross. We--we need to find the next Elmo if we're gonna reach a younger audience.
A younger audience? We already reach 4-year-olds. How young do you wanna go? Fetal?
Guys, guys, can we just try and get this right, because the new boss from the network is here.
Where'd she come from?
PBS.
Looks more like PMS, blah.
The, uh, the line, Rochester, is, "Can static electricity be used to light up a Christmas tree?"
Yeah, well, the only thing that's lit up is Warren.
Alright. Alright. Send your friend in, I'll see what I can do. But, Jimmy, I'm really worried about you, son. You know, I just read this article about children of highly successful fathers. And these kids, they sabotage their own futures, 'cause they can't compete with their father's, you know, brilliant accomplishments.
You babysit actors on some lame kiddie show.
Fact: There are 3.2 million puppets -- or as we prefer to be called, Fabricated Americans -- currently residing in the United States. And, despite all of our many accomplishments, most people would still rather chamois their car with us than have us date their daughters. But, you know, I don't let it get me down. Hey, after all, you know, some of my best friends are humans.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Greg the Bunny pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
