Caroline Todd quotes from Green Wing

Caroline

Aarrgh! I want nicotine! Then I’d like to meet a nice man and have a sexually charged, no-speaking affair.

Caroline

Swiss mouth, shut!

Caroline

Sorry if I seem a bit stressed out, I didn't sleep very well last night. Although I did have a rather disturbing lesbian dream.

Bingo.

Mac

Would you like to talk about that, or...?

Caroline

I don't really remember it.

Mac

Make it up?

Positions, numbers?

Mac

Numbers, positions?

Were they shaved?

Mac

Yeah, were they shaved?

Caroline

[sarcastic] Perhaps I could try and have another one tonight, take a few notes, bring them in for you tomorrow.

Can you draw?

Your shoes are ringing.

Mac

[quietly] It might be a lesbian.

Or the mother ship.

Guy Secretan - it's Swiss.

Caroline

Ah, cuckoo clocks, no beaches. Theft of Jewish gold after the fall of Nazi Germany. Sorry, I expect everyone says that.

No.

Caroline

Stop right there. Come back here.

Mac

Stop right there, come back here - which? I'm confused.

Mac

Any final thoughts, Dr. Todd?

Caroline

Don't get ill. We make you all sleepy and do terrible things.

Mac

Wise words indeed.

Caroline

What are you wearing?

Angela

It's called a white coat. It's identical to the one you're wearing, only a tiny bit whiter.

Caroline

First you say you don't remember any kissing at all, and now you're saying there was kissing in the toilet. Which one is it?

[From the next room.] Kissing in the toilet?

Caroline

Yes, er, who sang "Kissing in the Toilet" in 1978?

Er, was it a young George Michael?

Caroline

Yes.

Fucking hell! That was a guess! [sings] "Kissing in the toilet. Don't flush, it's lush."

Caroline

How was the, erm, interview?

Mac

Not sure. I might have used the words "job", "stick", "up", and "arse" all in one sentence. Is that a bad thing?

Caroline

Well, I think tone of voice is very important.

Mac

Your reward will be in Devon.

Caroline

Devon?

Mac

Oh, no, sorry. It's heaven isn't it? Yeah, that's right. I used to get them confused as a kid. You know, when people die, they got to Devon.

Caroline

[Laughs] That's funny.

Mac

Well, not really, no. Ruined my summer holidays—I thought my whole family was dead.

Mac

That part of the day we’ve all been looking forward to. Nurse Richardson, perhaps you'd like to choose: movie genre, or regional accent?

Regional accent, please.

Mac

Excellent choice. Dr. Todd, perhaps you'd like to pick today's regional accent.

Surrey. Buckinghamshire. Er, Swiss.

Caroline

Northeast, Newcastle.

Mac

Tricky, but always very funny. Good choice. [Geordie] All reet, then, shall we get on and start the operation?

Martin

Can I ask your advice about something?

Caroline

Your shirt tucked into your pants doesn't really work for you, Martin.

Martin

No, look, it's not about clothes, it's about something more serious.

Caroline

More serious than clothes? I don't understand.

Caroline

Guy, did you take a cat and a gun into Mac’s ward?

It was a replica.

Caroline

[Gasps] You brought in a replica cat?

[slowly] A replica gun.

Caroline

You're trying to get fully reinstated, how stupid can you be?

Not stupid enough to ask whether or not someone has brought in a replica cat.

Angela

Just tell him what happened.

Caroline

He might not believe me. I’ve got no witnesses.

Angela

Well, if he knows his minds gone a bit…blurrg…so just tell him.

Caroline

Oh right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi Mac, I’m er, I’m Caroline. You know, the one you found a bit irritating at first, but then er…well, the thing is you really, really liked me and now we’re kind of a couple. So, there you go, I’ve filled in all the gaps, let’s go to bed.

Angela

Well, maybe in not so many words.

Caroline

Look, we’re all back!

Mac

Yeah, but I don’t really remember who you are?

Well, as long you remember in what order to put the organs back in in.

Mac

What an odd thing to say say. [Mac has a scalpel in his hand, and starts waving it around.] A one, a two, a one, two, three, four.

Caroline

Yeah, I’m actually a little bit worried now.

Mac

Wuss.

Oooh…no! Not like that! Don’t hold it like that. Oh my God, the man’s a butcher. Be careful with that bit, that’s the bit they need to…eat asparagus. They won’t be able to eat asparagus if you cut that bit out.