Mac quotes from Green Wing

Mac

What can I tell you? A few ground rules - no bombing, no running, no petting, no diving and no inflatables. In fact, probably best to leave all swimming related activities until later - this is, after all, an operating theatre.

Mac

Join me again next week on Let’s Make No Fucking Sense when I will be waxing an owl.

Caroline

Sorry if I seem a bit stressed out, I didn't sleep very well last night. Although I did have a rather disturbing lesbian dream.

Bingo.

Mac

Would you like to talk about that, or...?

Caroline

I don't really remember it.

Mac

Make it up?

Positions, numbers?

Mac

Numbers, positions?

Were they shaved?

Mac

Yeah, were they shaved?

Caroline

[sarcastic] Perhaps I could try and have another one tonight, take a few notes, bring them in for you tomorrow.

Can you draw?

Your shoes are ringing.

Mac

[quietly] It might be a lesbian.

Or the mother ship.

Mac

Martin, Martin, see this? Is that your - is this your signature?

Martin

Yeah, it is, yeah.

Mac

Yeah - can't really do smiley faces on death certificates, it does look a little bit insensitive, okay?

You... are a gingre.

Mac

I am a fraise-blonde.

I can do a surface dive in my pyjamas.

Mac

That's probably very handy for a bedwetter.

Caroline

Stop right there. Come back here.

Mac

Stop right there, come back here - which? I'm confused.

I thought she was having a nightmare.

Mac

She is with you as her bloody anaesthetist.

Martin

I'm thinking about getting an Adamantium helmet.

Mac

Yeah? That’s the stuff the Wolverine skeleton’s made out of, isn’t it?

Martin

Yep. Hardest metal in the world.

Mac

Indeed, indeed yeah. Sadly of course, a fictional metal. So that would probably reduce its effectiveness in a crash-style scenario.

Martin

Good point. Good point. Still the hardest metal in the world though. [Martin leaves.]

Mac

Fictional.

Buggering wank!

Mac

The Swiss water-polo team lost again?

Mac

Any final thoughts, Dr. Todd?

Caroline

Don't get ill. We make you all sleepy and do terrible things.

Mac

Wise words indeed.

Martin, what do you think of when I say the word "Switzerland" to you?

Martin

I don't know, you've never said it to me before.

I'm saying it now. And don't say Phil Collins lives there.

Martin

Does he?

Shut your eyes, think of Switzerland—what do you see?

Martin

[Eyes shut] Nothing.

You must see something!

Martin

I don't have a visual memory, sorry.

Mac

I see something. I see a chocolate Phil Collins coming out of a clock every hour, to tidy up his Nazi gold.

Caroline

How was the, erm, interview?

Mac

Not sure. I might have used the words "job", "stick", "up", and "arse" all in one sentence. Is that a bad thing?

Caroline

Well, I think tone of voice is very important.

Mac

Your reward will be in Devon.

Caroline

Devon?

Mac

Oh, no, sorry. It's heaven isn't it? Yeah, that's right. I used to get them confused as a kid. You know, when people die, they got to Devon.

Caroline

[Laughs] That's funny.

Mac

Well, not really, no. Ruined my summer holidays—I thought my whole family was dead.

Mac

That part of the day we’ve all been looking forward to. Nurse Richardson, perhaps you'd like to choose: movie genre, or regional accent?

Regional accent, please.

Mac

Excellent choice. Dr. Todd, perhaps you'd like to pick today's regional accent.

Surrey. Buckinghamshire. Er, Swiss.

Caroline

Northeast, Newcastle.

Mac

Tricky, but always very funny. Good choice. [Geordie] All reet, then, shall we get on and start the operation?