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S1 E12

Green Eggs and Ham · Season 1, Episode 12

Guy, Sam I Am and others in “There”

Guy

Stop talking.

Sam I Am

But, Guy--

Guy

No. Everything you ever told me is a lie. You're a wanted criminal!

Sam I Am

It's nice to be wanted?

Guy

[Grunts] But how could you sell Mr. Jenkins?

Sam I Am

When I stole him, he wasn’t Mr. Jenkins yet. I made the deal with Snerz, before I get to know the big fella.

Guy

[Horrified] Snerz is the collector? As in “SnerzCo”?

Sam I Am

Yes. But, the plan now is to reunite Jenkins with his family on Chickeraffe Island! Promise.

Guy

I want to believe you, but I can't.

Sam

You have to. I may not be able to find my mother, but Jenkins's mom is a balloon ride away! Please. You can trust me.

Guy

... ... No! Just get out of here! And leave Mr. Jenkins with me.

Sam

I can't do that. They'll put him back in a zoo.

Guy

You listen to me, Sam-

Sam I Am

[cheerfully] Ah-ah-ah. That's your hupset voice. You get upset when you're hungry. Good thing I brought these. [brings out Green Eggs and Ham, making Guy even more angry] Ta-da! They're really good right... [puts plate on desk in front of Guy] there, I'll bet.

Guy

... [fires burns in his eyes as he starts to lose it] I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!

Sam I Am

But you could.

Guy

[Slams his fist on the table] I could not, would not, on a boat! I will not, will not, with a goat! [Smashing Green Eggs and Ham] I will not eat them in the rain! I will not eat them on a train! [hurls the smashed green food at a wall] I do not like them here or there! I do not like them anywhere! I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM! I DO NOT LIKE THEM, SAM-I-AM!

[Sam and Mr Jenkins exchange glances]

Sam I Am

So... that's a no?

[Guy groans in frustration]

Sam I Am

Okay. I know you're not happy about the little setback in our relationship.

Guy

We have no relationship! It's not us I'm worried about!

[Guy presents the piece of paper with Michellee's phone number on it]

Sam I Am

I'll tell her you're innocent. She'll believe me.

Guy

Oh, really, Mr. Furry Foot Bandit? Who's she supposed to believe? Hector Jive? Bamboozle McHoaxypants?

Sam I Am

I only use Bamboozle McHoaxypants for hotels.

Guy

Why do you have so many aliases?

Sam I Am

Because nobody's... nobody's ever wanted me to stay the same person before.

[Guy glares suspiciously at Sam]

Sam I Am

Nobody's ever stuck around long enough.

Guy

... Well, there's a reason nobody's ever stuck around this long, Sam! Believe me, I know! Because I've tried! I've tried you as a friend, and you don't fit! You don't fit anybody! Not even your own mother.

[Sam gasps softly and Jenkins makes a sad noise]

Narrator

Oh, dear! Guy's just upset. I'm sure he didn't mean it.

Guy

[suddenly calms down, realizing he shouldn't have said that; remorsefully] Sam, that last bit...

Narrator

But those words crushed poor Sam like a peanut.

Guy

I'm sorry, Sam. I'm sorry.

Sam

No no no. You're right. Come along, Mr. Jenkins.

Guy

No! Wait! Sam, you can't sell him! [But they are already gone; McWinkle and Gluntz return] The collector... is Snerz. [the two BAD GUYS are surprised]

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