Boy, they keep making that ketchup slower and slower, huh?
It's the Heinz family's little joke.
S2 E2Hammers and Veils
CContractor
What's that?
It's my hammer.
CContractor
That's a hammer?
Yeah. It's my mom - she takes things she thinks aren't pretty and makes them pretty.
[Contractor looks at her in a mystified way]
She's not insane, she just sounds it.
S2 E3Red Light on Wedding Night
If the house was burning down, what would you save first, the cake or me?
Not fair! The cake doesn't have legs!
Hm, that Chilton has taught you some big words.
That's kind of the point.
S2 E4The Road Trip to Harvard
Okay, I think we just found the first room in the history of the world that would've made Liberace say "Whoa, step back. No one's that gay".
They're taller.
Not this again.
There's more of them.
Mom, the flowers on the wallpaper are not growing or reproducing.
S2 E5Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy
[looking at windows] So do these open?
Oh yeah, you just have to unlatch them and then push.
Great. Shall we?
Shall we what?
Bail.
No.
Why?
Because it's Tuesday night in Stars Hollow. There's nowhere to bail to. The 24-hour mini-mart just closed twenty minutes ago.
[about Luke] What, are you sleeping with him or something?
Excuse me?
I don't know, the whole starry eyed "you're so much better off, just give it a chance" speech... You're either really naive, or you're getting some.
Ugh. There have been very few moments in my life where I have actually wished I had one of those enormous cream pies you can just smash in someone's face, but this is definitely one of them.
What are you doing talking to him about stuff like that?!
I'm trying to help you.
I don't need your help!
Uh, yeah you do.
Oh, here we go again with this "I'm not prepared for this" crap!
This is not crap, this is the truth! Luke, you should've heard him talking.
I don't need to hear him talking, he's my nephew and I know what I'm doing. And I'm getting a little tired of your condescending-
I am not being condescending!
Oh, you have a kid, so you know everything, right?
I have a kid, so yeah, I know a little more than you do.
You know, you ever think maybe you just got lucky with Rory? I mean, you did get pregnant at sixteen! That doesn't show the greatest decision making skills, now does it?
Wow... two pies.
What the hell you talking about?
I'll have two coffees and two cherry danishes to go please.
Two coffees and two cherry danishes...
And some napkins...
One of these is for her, isn't it?
Who? Oh, no no no they are for me. I am super hungry today. I had to debate ordering three but I'll tell you how I feel after two.
Tell you what, I give you one danish and one cup of coffee - you can sit over there and when you are finished, right over there, I'll bring the second one.
You're really gonna just stand there and watch me eat a danish?
Cable is out and I'm starved for some entertainment.
I don't even like kids. They're always sticky like they've got jam on their hands. Even if there's no jam in the house, somehow, they've always got jam on their hands! I'm not the right guy to deal with that. I have no patience for jam hands!
S2 E6Presenting Lorelai Gilmore
Before I knew it, Grandma was telling me how important it is for a person to be properly presented to society.
Ugh!
And how every young girl dreams of this day.
Argh!
And how there are flowers.
Oh, Lord!
And music.
Please!
And cake.
Oh yeah, the cake's actually good.
And when I got back from Grandpa's office, they all invited me out onto the patio.
No no no, please tell me you did not go out onto the patio.
I went out onto the patio.
Ugh, Rory, that's like accepting the position as the drummer in Spinal Tap.
I swear, there is nothing in the world my mother is better at than getting someone to agree to something that in any other universe, they would never ever consider.
Mom.
I am still convinced she had something to do with Lily Tomlin doing that movie with John Travolta
See; now only a lady can gracefully walk around a room with a book on her head while eating Kung pow chicken. I mean a great lady can even spit the peanuts back into the container without anyone noticing.
Wow!
Yeah, well don't be intimidated. You have to practice and practice to get to my level.
Anyone want the last egg roll?
Err...no!
Hey, where are you going?
To get the last egg roll.
Getting the egg roll yourself?
Yes!
No, ladies never get their own egg rolls, ladies never get their own anything they don't even get their own ideas.
Oh boy!
They just sit helplessly and wait for some young strong man to come by and assist them. They don't step in puddles, they don't step over puddles, and they can't even look at puddles. They actually need to be blindfolded and thrown in a sack and carried over puddles.
Isn't there a moratorium on how long ladies are supposed to talk?
Err…no! Now repeat after me "I am completely helpless".
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gilmore Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.