[Benny and Angie are talking about George]
Oh, he's scared of death. Ever since he was a kid.
He never told me that. Did something happen?
Oh, just the kind of stuff that really is out of a parent's control.
Like, um, I lied to him and told him that his dad died when he was four. That probably didn't help.
And then, he was really scared, and he asked me if he was ever gonna die.
I said no. I said, "When you grow up, they will have cured all of the diseases and you're gonna live forever." Now, that one wasn't my fault. Science let me down.
I'm sorry, George. I didn't know Marisol was coming back. I tried to paint it myself, but halfway through, it started looking like a monkey with boobs.
I know one monkey with boobs that owes me some money!
Oh, yeah? Well, get it from Mariah Carey, 'cause that's who you painted!
[Adam is throwing pebbles at Carmen's window; George throws one at the back of Adam's head; Adam turns around, startled]
Please don't kill me, Mr. Lopez!
I'm not gonna kill you. Back in the zoo, the bears don't kill their prey. They play with them a little first, then kill them. So come on, lets play!
[scared] I don't want to play, sir.
[to Adam] You realize that if I ever catch you around here again, I'll have to bury you next to Justin.
[stares at garden and sighs] He's what makes my roses bloom...
[Adam stares at the garden for a moment, then runs away frantically]
So I walk in and there he is, Tommy "Rango" Durango, can you believe that? The conflict manager is my bully from grade school!
I would have loved to have met him George but SOMEBODY didn't wait for our E-ppointment.
I'm sorry Angie but I couldn't wait. You know this guy tells me that Carmen's problems are gonna blow over...but now I'm starting to think he's doing nothing on purpose to get back at me.
[flashback to when George, Ernie and Durango are in grade school.]
DDurango
If I get expelled for this, you're dead! You hear me? DEAD!
[laughing] Don't drop the soap!
[they both walk off, cut back to the present]
Come on George, you're being paranoid! I mean who holds a grudge for 30 years?
So you're not still mad that I forgot to wear my jacket in our wedding photo?
Doesn't bother you at all.
Of course not. I'm just glad that the happiest day of my life was just Casual Saturday to you. Every time I walk by that picture, I die a little.
Well I'm glad you're still over it.
[Carmen walks in the house all bloodied up]
I got into a fight with Piper. She kept called me a slut and then she pushed me.
Honey are you okay? You have blood on you!
Yeah, I punched her in the nose.
DAMN, my girl's a scrapper!
Angie let me have this, she drew blood!
I didn't start the fight, I didn't even WANT to fight her but, ugh, she made me. You believe me, right?
Good, cause Mr. Durango didn't. I'm suspended.
Wait, YOU'RE suspended? That's not right.
See Angie, I told you, he's paying me back by getting at my daughter, you still think I'm being paranoid?
[walks in] Hey what's going on?
Carmen got in a fight, Mom.
Look, you have blood on you!
DAMN, my granddaughter's a scrapper!
Mom, we don't encourage violence in this house. [they secretly highfive]
Benny, take Carmen upstairs and help her clean up.
Sure. Let's go champ. [takes her upstairs]
Okay, I agree this Rango guy has a history with you and maybe he even thinks he can still bully you, but he has NOT messed with me before. He is gonna fix this and fix it now.
Don't tell you're going back to the website?
To HELL with the e-ppointment! When my baby gets hurt, I go medieval, we're going over there.
Oh NOW you remember your jacket!
[at Carmen's school]:
Mr Durango, I'm Angie Lopez, you know "Spuds" [points to George]
DDurango
Glad you're here. We need to talk about your daughter.
Look man, no more talking. I told you i wanted those girls brought in and you didn't, and my daughter got hurt. NOW you're gonna do something starting with unsuspending Carmen.
DDurango
I can't do that.
Yes you can, Carmen is the victim here.
DDurango
She is not. I spoke to Piper and the other girls who were there, Carmen started the fight.
That doesn't make any sense.
DDurango
It does if you know that Adam broke up with Carmen to go out with Piper.
Piper and her friends are lying to you.
DDurango
Well you're not exactly an unbiased party. So unless you have a witness to back up Carmen's story, I have to take Piper's word.
[Later on, Adam's now in the room]:
I started the rumor about Carmen because she broke up with me, then I saw Piper and her friends making fun of Carmen.
Piper's lying. I saw her push Carmen and throw the first punch. She started the fight.
DDurango
And no one put you up to this?
DDurango
Okay. Mr and Mrs Lopez, I'll talk to the vice principal and I'll get Carmen's suspension reversed. I'm sorry.
You're not suspended. Piper is.
You can go back to school. Mr. Durango's gonna make sure none of the kids ever mess with you again.
Carmen, everything is gonna be better now. Adam's gonna tell everyone that he lied.
You don't understand. It's too late. I'm the school whore now.
Carmen, I think you're getting a little carried away. [Carmen walks over to the answering machine and turns it on]
TBTeenage Boy
[over the answering machine] Yeah. This is Jason. I'd like to leave a message for the school whore. [he and another boy start laughing]
Who are those boys? I'll get 'em suspended.
[starts to cry] Then suspend everybody! You know what else happened today? A boy followed me in the bathroom and asked me if I wanted to do it!
[as she tries to comfort Carmen] Honey...
Another boy pulled up my shirt when I was walking down the hall! [cries] Please don't make me go back. Please! [hugs George as she cries]
It's okay, baby. We'll figure something out. Go upstairs so your mom and I can talk. [Carmen goes upstairs]
She's not wrong. She can never get her reputation back.
I don't want to see her suffer like this for three more years.
Me either. What are you thinking?
That's what I was thinking. Can we afford it?
No. We'll have to sell the boy.
Is there a George Lopez here?
GIGeorge II
You got it, man.
GIGeorge II
If we're playing 20 questions, it should be 20 different questions.
[taking a look at a T-shirt] How does that work for you, man? You having fun being George Edward Lopez?
GIGeorge II
I didn't say my middle name.
[George II stands up, concerned]
GIGeorge II
Look, buddy, I got a button right here behind the counter.
Hey, press it. I want the cops to come. Because *I'm* the real George Lopez.
GIGeorge II
Dude, what are you talking about?
You went on the internet, got my information and stole my identity. You ruined my credit. What the hell is your real name?
[George II gets his wallet out]
GIGeorge II
[shows his license] It's George Lopez.
Anybody could get a fake license. Quick, what's your social security number?
GIGeorge II
Psst. [grabs a skateboard and walks out from behind the counter] I'm not giving out my social security number.
GIGeorge II
Somebody might steal my identity.
[puts it with the others]
Alright, I'll tell you mine. We'll say it at the same time. Ready? Go.
GGGeorge & George II
849-220-6460.
[George turns away, then back, looking serious. George II glares]
GIGeorge II
Look, I don't know how this is happening. I got some credit problems, but... I'm not a thief, man.
Okay, here's what you're gonna do. Be at my work tomorrow at 9:00 AM. I wanna see your birth certificate, or I'm calling the cops. And if the cops don't find you, I will, and I'll kick your ass.
GIGeorge II
Kick all you want, dude. I skateboard. I can't feel anything down there. [George glares at him] I'll be there.
[George walks out]
That's how people say goodbye, Max.
No, in the garage last night.
In her nightgown. The red one, not the black one! Dad said we should wait 'til she left to tell you.
Left the city, man. Not the porch!
