George Lopez · Season 1
Just write the check and we can go to the PTA meeting tonight.
Alright. I don't want anyone making fun of Max. But this has gotten way out of hand. Not to mention, 500 bucks down the drain. That's a month of groceries. Couple months of gas, a new set of tires. 500 items from the 99 Cents store.
Sign it.
...25 anniversary gifts.
Man, you're still frozen on this website. What's... "Find a Family"?
Oh, I'm trying to find my father. It turns out he's alive, man, my mom's lied to me my whole life.
Your mom's behind you, G.
George [yelling]: TURNS OUT HE'S ALIVE. MY MOM'S LIED TO ME MY WHOLE LIFE.
[When George and Angie are showing Carmen pictures of sexually transmitted diseases]
This is gonorrhea! [Carmen squeezes her eyes shut and moans] Bet you're not glad now you talked me into getting that color printer. [to Angie] The red really pops.
Benny [to Carmen] Your father didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life. Look, when you're young, you meet a guy who seems great and you forget about what's right or wrong and go to bed with him, and it's pretty good!
Mom!
I'm not going to lie. But then, he doesn't turn out to be as great as you thought and the next thing you know, you're alone with a baby. And while all the rest of your friends are out having a great time, you're up to your stretch marks in dirty diapers. I gave up all my pretty years for him. [points to George]
George [about Adam]: Angie, does that moron have a hickey?
Yep.
Run, Adam!
You better run, moron!
I gotta tell the kids I found their grandpa. Carmen, Max, get down here!
You know you have to explain about his partner, Charles, too?
Oh. Take your time, kids.
What's up?
I got some great news and some interesting news. I think I found your grandpa.
Really?
I might have even found you two grandpas!
[on the phone] Hey Junior. Nah, that was that fool I was telling you about. It's okay, I can talk.
....I know huh? I know huh? I know huh!
[George hangs up the phone]
Hey! That wasn't cool!
I KNOW HUH! Sorry, no personal calls at work!
[referring to Marisol] How's it going with Miss Home Invasion over here?
I never should've let Angie talk me into bringing this girl here! She's sarcastic, she's rude... she's like you but with estrogen!
I told you it was a bad idea to take her into your home, and it's a bad idea to bring her to work!
[phone rings, Marisol answers]
Powers Brothers Aviation....[to George] It's Mrs. Lopez.
Oh, that's for me.
Sorry, no personal calls at work. [hangs up phone]
I like her.
What's with all the seniors? I can handle dog smell but old people smell?
They're part of "Operation Christmas Rescue", they're wrapping gifts for disadvantaged children.
This is your third new charity, I thought you were only going to do a couple hours a week?
Well the gang people introduced me to the clothesdry people and it's really hard to say no when you're needed so much!
Alright, but just don't bring any of your charity cases in my office.
Why? What happened with Marisol?
She's horrible! You know that guy who got fired and then came back to try and shoot up the plant? HE had a better attitude!
You're just overreacting!
Oh yeah? Well her and Ernie were playing chicken with forklifts, except Ernie wasn't even in a forklift, he was just running.
[to Angie] I thought we were gonna watch movies tonight, I already rented some.
Well I can't right now, George.
Oh, this changes everything, I coulda gotten a movie I like. Instead of one that"ll..."Touch your heart and celebrate the triumph of the human- [snores]"
Alright, alright, that is IT. A week ago, you guys didn't need me for anything but as soon as I find something I wanna do, you're helpless! Carmen, there's a sewing book by the machine, FIGURE IT OUT. And Max, I bet if you cleaned your room, you would find your bookbag, and George, make your own dinner and watch your CHICK FLICK. Everybody stop asking me to do things you could be doing on your own! I swear I've never met a more selfish bunch of people. [storms off]
[the seniors stare]
What are you looking at, mind your own buisness.
[the seniors continue staring]
I said mind your own buisness!
[comes back] THEY'RE DEAF, GEORGE.
Were there any calls?
Yeah.
Well, who called?
[Marisol hands over a note with the messages she wrote down]
George [reading from the note]: "The towers are moving and blowing the heating." That doesn't make any sense.
I know, huh?
"The towers are moving and blowing the heating"... "The Powers are moving the Boeing meeting"!
Hey! Now this other message makes sense!
George [reading from Marisol's other note]: "You missed your heating."
Max, you wanna see the veins on grandpa's forehead pop out?
Yeah!
Tell him how great Castro looks for his age.
Max [running to Vic]: Grandpaaaa!
Oh, hey, Mr. Peepers. Next show starts tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. sharp.
I hope there's a 20 drink minimum.
[George and Angie talk about re-modelling Benny's bathroom]
This is a big job. Shouldn't you hire professionals?
Professionals?! Angie, please! I got this!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's George Lopez pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
