Danny Tanner quotes from Full House

Danny

Joey, what is an elephant doing in my living room?

Surprise, Cleano!

The surprise is on JoJo. She got my underwear!

Danny

I got a great cake.

Joey

Did ya get the triple chocolate with pink frosting in the shape of a clown's face with a big cherry-red nose? Did ya, did ya, DID YA?

Danny

Yes, Joey. Look at this. [shows Joey the cake]

Joey

Yes!

Joey broke Stephanie's nose.

Danny

[to Joey] You broke Stephanie's nose?!

(Walks in) Hola, Tanneritos!

Jesse

Kimmy Gibbler! Oh, my God!

Eat your hearts out, boys. (Smirks) Too bad you weren't nicer to me when I was a kid.

Danny

And we all lived miserably ever after.

Jesse

That was so depressing.

Joey

Yeah. Can you imagine the girls still living here?

Jesse

No, not that - my hair.

Jesse

Have mercy! There's a... The-there's...

There's a car in the kitchen.

Jesse

Thank you. How'd a car get in the kitchen?

Through the window.

Jesse

Everybody okay?

DJ

Yeah, we're all fine.

Danny

(offscreen) Hello?

DJ

But I don't think Dad is gonna be fine.

Jesse

Well, alright. We have to break this to him very gently, okay?

Danny

(offscreen) Hey, where is everybody?

Kimmy

In your new garage.

DJ

We'll be right back. Stall Dad.

DJ

Good face, Dad.

Danny

Is everybody alright? Where's Stephanie?

DJ

We're all fine. Stephanie's at dance class.

Danny

Look at this house! Look at this kitchen! Look at this mess! I just waxed the floor! Where's my best friend Joey?

DJ

Dad, let me get one more picture of you.

Danny

This is a very serious matter!

DJ

That's okay, you don't have to smile.

You're in big trouble, mister!

Danny

Joey, are you okay? You had us worried sick!

Joey

Danny, I'm fine.

Danny

In that case, you're in big trouble, mister!

Joey

Are you upset because I took the last ice cube and didn't refill the tray?

Danny

Something like that.

Joey

MY CAR! Rosie! This is my punishment for not filling the ice cube tray?!

Danny

Are you saying you didn't know about this?

Joey

If I did, don't you think I would've bought a bigger jar of touch-up paint? Danny, when I left, Stephanie was watching my car. What the heck happened?

Jesse

(enters the kitchen with Stephanie) Well, here's somebody who knows what the heck happened.

Stephanie

I was taking a make-believe drive through the country, and I wanted to play the radio. So I turned the key, and the next thing I knew, I was in the kitchen.

Joey

I should've never left those keys in the ignition.

Stephanie

It's not your fault, Joey. I had no business being in your new car! It was perfect!

Joey

Well, almost. The radio didn't work.

Stephanie

Now he tells me.

Danny

I can't believe this is happening! She's only 13, and she's such a good kid.

Joey

(walking over from the counter to the table and sitting with Jesse) Danny, this could happen to any kid. There's - there's a lot of pressure on them to try drinking.

Jesse

(to Joey, possibly addressing Danny as well) I know, and not just from other kids. From, you know, sometimes, these celebrities, and rock stars, and people these kids look up to. I mean, they're - they're making drinking look cool. I mean, they're sending the wrong message to kids. (turns to Danny) Well, let me tell you something! DJ is gonna get the right message, okay? She's gotta know that there's no drinking, period. I say we go upstairs and lay down the law!

Danny

Jesse, wait a minute. Just sit down. (he does) I think it's not as simple as just punishing her. I think we have to find out why DJ did it, so we can decide the best way to help her. I just don't want her to be one of those kids who has to learn the hard way.

Danny

Kevin, have you seen DJ?

Kevin

(drunk) She's in there.

Danny

Thanks.

Kevin

(drunk) Uh, Mr. Tanner?

Danny

Yeah?

Kevin

(drunk) DJ wasn't drinking tonight. It was me and two other guys. She was trying to stop us.

Danny

She was telling us the truth.

Jesse

I'm sorry, man. I-I saw her with the beer--

Danny

Oh, no, Jess. Don't feel bad, it was an honest mistake. Thanks for telling us, Kevin.

Danny

I close my eyes for two seconds and it's a Kimmy Gibbler telethon.

Joey

Danny, you've been out for four hours.

Danny

(checks his watch) Four hours. Why didn't anyone wake me? Oh no, I'm ruined, I ruined the telethon, my career is over...

Rebecca

Danny, we're still on the air.

Danny

(to camera) That concludes the dramatic portion of our show.

[talks about a traditional wedding from his town] According to Pompadour's tradition, they are married. You give the girl flowers, you walk her around the table and... that's what it's all about.

Danny

That's not a wedding, that's the Hokey-Pokey.

Can we watch Arsenio?

Danny

What do you think?

I think it's time for bed.

Danny

That's right. It's time for bed. To bed, I said.

Daddy, am I still your little princess?

Danny

Oh, you got it, dude.

Danny

[after reading Dr. Seuss, Michelle refuses to go to sleep] Don't shake your head. Your story's read. It's time for bed. To bed, I said.

Jesse

Gotta lay off that Seuss, man.