Frisky Dingo Season 1 quotes

Oh, you're fuckin' dead.

Yes, that's the spirit, Barnaby. [Xander smashes Killface in the face] Oh you're really selling it.

Oh, what's that? I obviously can't hear you.

Okay, Barnaby?

Hey, I'm Killface, and I have a plan! Let me shoot your fuckin' eyes out! And then, let's wander around a fuckin' sewer our whole lives, looking for my fat ass, weirdo kid!

Hey-

Who just happens to be-

Barnaby-

The world's fattest fucking pussy! [Killface yells and bashes Xander to the ground]

You made me do that! [Steps on Xander's neck]

Well, your kid's still a pussy.

Barnaby-

'Cause you are a failure as a parent.

Hey Ronnie, isn't that your rape wig?

Yes, is one of them.

KILL HIM!

You Know the Law!

Taqu'il

This is Chinatown!

No, look at his face!

What?

He's got the mind of a child!

Aw.

No, I won't kill my best friend!

I like that. [laughs awkwardly]

Excuse me?

Your words have moved me, Killface. And I'm not a man easily moved. This man, Barnaby Jones, may live.

So, why'd you two sneak into my lair?

I-

Xander Crews

He kidnapped me! I have Patty Hearst Syndrome!

Son, what can I say? This was a phenomenally great idea you had here. And your cut is... forty, thirty grand. Yeah, you can count it, if you wanna be a douchebag all your life.

What?

AHAHAHAHAHA! Naw, I'm kiddin'...don't worry about it.

So hey. Thanks for not killing me. Things got a little crazy back there.

Barnaby, how could I kill my best friend?

Yeah...

Barnaby, we're BFF!

Yeah, I am actually [Takes off wig and glasses] Xander Crews!

What!

[runs off] Woo woo woo!

Cody's down!

You do not fuck with the department of labor!

I need an ambulance... [coughs]

I'll call you a Hearse. This is for Cody. [shoots a news crew member]

Dude, what are you doing?

Ummm.... here hold this.

Cody! What did you do! What did you do! You're going down for this Cody!

As God is my witness, I will have my revenge on Xander Crews!

Xander Crews

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on. I'm just gonna do one question. From, uh...

Ooh! Ooh! Me! [Xander sighs] Please pick-

Xander Crews

Darcel Jones! From Team Jaguar! How are you doing? You should call it Team Sexy!

Next Question - no that's it, we're done!

Coming Up, Friends, followed by -

[Sighs, switches channel]

Betrayal, Starring Jeremy Irons-

Mm. No. [switches channel]

Si Bueno i como Barnaby Jone-

No. [switches channel]

- Marathon, of this Old Barn-

-A Bee-

- Jones of Team Jaguar -

Barnaby Jones. Well, mark my words, as my newish HD TV goes, so goes-[cut to the Crews building]

Xander Crews

Xander frickin' Crews! Do you see the big ass sign out there? Does it say "Stan the big dumb fat jerk liar who tried to steal my company"? No! Building's not tall enough! Yuck, you know, I'm just glad my murdered parents aren't alive to see this, and frankly, we're not too stoked about seeing it either.

You son of a bitch.

Xander Crews

Are we, Old Spice?

Yes!

Xander Crews

He says no. Now do it until you get it right!

MASTER CYLINDER! MASTER CYLINDER!

Okay gang, we've have a pretty bad year this year. We've lost a lot of guys. So how about a big X-tacle welcome for our new recruits, huh? {To general greetings and acknowledgements] On the right over there we've got Ron, Peter, Dick, Woody, New Fat Mike and uh...

... and Hooper.

[Perkily] Hi!

Yeah, what is up with that?

[Adopting a deeper voice] I mean... what's up? ... Dudes?

Hey, uhm... is it weird that I kinda wanna fuck Hooper?

Not as weird as I kinda wanna fuck New Fat Mike.

Yeah, he gonna get it. Boosh.