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A character in Frasier

Niles Crane quotes from Frasier

Played by David Hyde Pierce · 235 quotes · page 3 of 16

Niles Crane

Played by David Hyde Pierce

Frasier · 546 quotes

2nd most-quoted character in Frasier: in 235 of its 546 quotes
Most scenes with: Frasier Crane (131), Martin Crane (35), Daphne Moon (25)

Lines by Niles Crane 39

Niles

[about his date] She was... a cat person. She brought her cat on our date. Well, she had good reason: it was Mr. Waggles's birthday. Actually, his birthday party. Actually, his surprise birthday party!

S7 E2 Father of the Bride
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Frasier has just realized that the "game show" Martin wants to watch is The Antiques Roadshow, which he and Niles planned to watch

Niles

I'll just check outside and see if the world has ended.

S7 E7 A Tsar is Born
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Mel has discovered from Frasier that Niles was with Maris the previous evening, and storms off

Niles

(to Frasier) Anything else in the box, Pandora?!

S7 E11 The Fight Before Christmas
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Frasier is embarrassed that Emily just kissed him and is now about to leave.

Niles

You're embarrassed?! They think the best I can do is an old man with a cane!

S7 E15 Out With Dad
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Frasier observes that Niles is in a good mood, so Niles explains that he plans to disregard Mel's instructions and take Daphne out

Niles

Mel be damned! Daphne and I are going to have a romantic evening together at my apartment. Not only that; she's going in my car, in my back seat, under a pile of my coats and blankets!

S8 E5 Taking Liberties
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Niles

It's like we wished it to happen, and then it did. Half of me feels guilty, the other half feels relieved... actually, it's about 30-70.

S8 E12 The Show Must Go Off
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Frasier has confided in Niles of how Bebe is trying to lure him back

Niles

I think I’ve figured it out. Bebe wants to have sex with a human male to bring about the Apocalypse.

S10 E21 The Devil and Dr. Phil
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[Frasier has just seen Frederick’s goth girlfriend, and is reeling from the shock]

Niles

Well, at least he’s not dating outside the faith.

S11 E11 High Holidays
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Scenes with Niles Crane 196

Niles

I thought you liked my Maris!

I do, I... I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun... except without the warmth.

Niles

So, how's Father?

Do you mean the man who's driving me crazy?

Or do you mean the man who drove me out of my own home?!

Niles

And how's work?

Niles

Sorry I'm late, Frasier. Just as we were leaving, Maris had a run-in with a rude directory assistance operator, and it shattered her calm.

You know, Niles, have you ever considered that maybe Maris is a bit high-strung, that maybe she should see someone?

Niles

She's seen everyone. Why do you think she was calling directory assistance?

[Frasier cannot fathom why Martin stopped speaking to Irene after one phone call]

Niles

Who knows why anybody does anything?

[looks incredulously at him] Remind me again what you do for a living.

S1 E5 Here's Looking At You
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How can anyone make a sound judgement about another person on the basis of one phone call?

Niles

[looks back] Remind me again what it is you do for a living.

S1 E5 Here's Looking At You
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.