A character in Frasier
Played by Kelsey Grammer
Frasier · 546 quotes
Most-quoted character in Frasier: in 372 of its 546 quotes
Most scenes with: Niles Crane (131), Martin Crane (61), Roz Doyle (50)
Frasier is still complaining about the caricature on the way home from the restaurant
FrasierOh, so nothing about it jumped out at you as, oh, I don't know, encephalitic?!
So they gave you a big forehead. Who cares? It makes you look smart.
FrasierIt makes me look like I discovered fire!
Frasier is very cross at the State of his kitchen after Simon used it
Yes, I guess they got some take-out.
FrasierIt looked like a Kung Pao bomb went off!
He then erupts when he discovers a nude Simon in his bed
Oh, that poor guy probably just needed a nap. It's the jet lag. Couple of days and he'll be on our time.
FrasierA couple more days, he'll be on our sidewalk!
Roz is not keen on Frasier's suggestion that he accompany her to Daphne's wedding
Frasier, I can't go with you. I mean, going to a wedding with your boss is like going to the prom with your brother.
FrasierNiles and I did not go to the prom together! *pause* Our dates got sick, and we went stag!
In retrospect- yes, we should've canceled the carriage, but hindsight is 20/20!
[Daphne has told Frasier that she found out about Niles' long-time attraction to her.]
Frasier[furious] Somebody blabbed, didn't they? Why can't people just keep their mouths shut! Who was it? Dad? Roz?
You.
FrasierWhat?
Frasier is watching his brother at the wedding reception
FrasierLook at him, over-acting. Trying to convince everybody he's happily married. Have you ever seen anything so pathetic in your life?
How about you and Lilith?
FrasierIt was a rhetorical question!
Frasier is just leaving Café Nervosa when Mel arrives to see Niles
FrasierAh, Mel.
(icily) Frasier. You're looking...
Frasier(hastily) And you. We must do this again. (exits)
Daphne arrives to find the apartment devoid of any furniture
Well, I'm glad I went to three different stores to find your organic furniture polish.
FrasierWell, Daphne, chin up. You can always use it to polish the floors.
Oh yes. When God closes a door he opens a window(!)
Hey, Abby, have you heard this one? How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
I don't know. How many cops planted it there?
FrasierThrust and parry, Dad.
Abby announces that dinner is on her, or rather, the firm
FrasierI couldn't let you do that, Abby. I wanted to pay for dinner.
Don't worry; you are.
I can't believe I was going to sleep with you!
[Throws him out of her office.]
FrasierYou still can!
Frasier gives Roz his little "guilt offering". Each is unaware that the other has been spending time with Luke
Oh, Frasier, I don't deserve your friendship.
FrasierNo, I do not deserve your friendship.
I deserve my own table. Excuse me. (exit)
Niles has overheard Roz and Frasier surreptitiously phoning Luke to arrange or cancel plans for the evening. He is now leaving
FrasierOh, Niles. Listen: as it turns out I am available for that concert…
No, you're not.
Kelly Kirkland no longer co-hosts the Christmas parade with her husband
FrasierShe's discovered that Cal's been having an affair with a cue card girl.
How did she catch him? Did she find a giant love letter in his pocket?
Dr. Tewkesbury ascertains that Frasier's ex-wife is a psychiatrist
Well, that's a handy choice for someone who'd rather share ideas than emotions.
FrasierHave you ever met Lilith?
No.
Frasier(stuttering) Well, she happens to be a very warm and loving woman!
Niles CraneDavid Hyde Pierce · 235 quotes
Martin CraneJohn Mahoney · 109 quotes
Daphne MoonJane Leeves · 77 quotes
Roz DoylePeri Gilpin · 75 quotes
Lilith SterninBebe Neuwirth · 12 quotes
BulldogDan Butler · 8 quotes
BebeHarriet Sansom Harris · 5 quotes
GilEdward Hibbert · 4 quotes
HarryBrian Cox · 4 quotes
KirbyBrian Klugman · 4 quotes
CharlotteLaura Linney · 3 quotes
CChelsea3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.