No, Kip. You didn't create me. Mac, my favorite best friend, created me. For I am Blooregard Q. Kazoo, imaginary friend. Not some flashy marketing campaign designed to get people to buy a shoddy deodorant product that doesn't seem to work. [audience gasps] That's wright, audience. Deo Brand Deodorant doesn't really make people smell all things better.
[Family, dog, and cat gasp, Chris throws his Deo Brand Deodorant and another scene where an old woman faints]
KKip
You think I care that people know my product stinks? You think I care how PEOPLE stink? I DON'T care! [audience gasps] In fact, Deo Brand Deodorant makes people smell all things so WORSE!
AAudience
NOOO!
P1Police Officer #1
That's it, pal. We're taking you downtown.
P2Police Officer #2
You're spending the rest of your life rotting in prison.
Today's story was about how you should really accept your friends for who they are. Don't try to change them, just 'cause you think they should be different. Especially if it's going to end up blowing up in your face and get you adopted off to a bunch of little kids. Always ask yourself, "How's this gonna affect me?" Learn from my mistake and accept your nerdy friend for who he is.
Enough! If you're not an imaginary friend, I want you out! That means you, and you, and you… and you! [points to Goofball] That's right, Goofball. I'm not washing anymore of your high school football jerseys! I'm not helping you with any more of your math homework, and I'm not buying any more groceries to feed your "growing boy appetite"! Because you are not an imaginary friend!
Why, I am deeply hurt that you did suggest one thing. That is simply not true. Now, are you going to call Senior Smells-a-Lot to carry me to the bathroom, or do I need to do it myself?
[mouthwashes her mouth and spits it over Eduardo's face; to Wilt] You call this pre-gargled?! It's barely starting to foam! [to Eduardo] Oh, to clarify, I was spitting in anger, not spitting out the mouthwash like normal.
