Jayne Cobb quotes from Firefly

But he did try to make a deal with you, right?

Jayne

[guilty look on his face, looking at Mal]

How come you didn't turn on me, Jayne?

Jayne

[smiling] Money wasn't good enough.

What happens when it is?

Jayne

Well, that'll be an interesting day.

I imagine it will.

Serenity (pilot)

View quote →

[Jayne is demanding that Wash take off for the delivery without Mal and Zoe.]

Jayne

You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til you understand who's in ruttin' command here! Now we're finishing this deal, and then maybe, maybe we'll come back for those morons... got themselves caught... and you can't change that by getting all... bendy.

All what?

Jayne

You got the light... from the console to keep you... lifting you up... they shine like... [Starts grabbing at the air] little angels...

[Jayne falls flat on the floor.]

Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?

Simon

I told him to sit down.

The Train Job

View quote →

[Jayne, still sprawled on the staircase, shoots Crow in the lower leg before he can stab Mal]

Nice shot.

Jayne

[Slurred] I was aimin' for his head.

The Train Job

View quote →

[Jayne's attacker, a malnourished settler, has been apprehended]

Simon

Oh yes, he's a real beast. [looks at Jayne] It's a wonder you're still alive.

Jayne

Looked bigger when I couldn't see him.

View quote →

Jayne

You save his gorram life, he still takes the cargo. Hwoon dahn.

He had to. Couldn't let us profit. Wouldn't be civilized.

View quote →

(The crew is playing a game similar to basket ball when an alarm goes off)

Proximity alert. We must be comin' up on something.

Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing?! (pause) Oh, right, that would be me. Back to work. (hands ball to Mal and leaves)

Kaylee

So I guess it makes us one man short.

Jayne

Yeah, little Kaylee's always one man short. (Kaylee punches him) Ow! Hey!

View quote →

(the crew is in the cockpit, speculating on an apparently abandoned passenger ship after they ran down a body ejected from said craft)

Jayne

Tell you what I think. I figure that fellow we run into did everyone on board. Killed 'em all. Then he decided to take a swim, see how fast his blood would boil out his ears.

You're a very up person.

...

We'll check it out, see if there are any survivors. And if not, well, then, no one's gonna mind if we take a look around, see if there's not something of value they might've left behind.

Jayne

Yeah, no, uh, someone could be hurt!

View quote →

Kaylee

Look at the fluffy one!

Too much foofaraw. If I'm gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink.

You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?

[Zoe laughs.]

Jayne

I'll chip in.

[Zoe turns to Jayne, still laughing.]

I can hurt you.

Shindig

View quote →

[Simon steps in a cowpie as Jayne drives the cargo of cattle out of the ship.]

Jayne

About time you broke in them fancy shoes. Hyah! Get along!

You know, they walk just as easy if you lead 'em.

Jayne

I like smackin' 'em.

. . .

Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.

Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles.

Safe

View quote →

[Horse-mounted bandits accost a Conestoga wagon-like raft, driven by Jayne and a hunched-over woman.]

BBandit

You gonna give us what's due us. And every damn thing else on that boat. And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.

Jayne

Oh, I think you might wanna reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.

[The "woman" looks up — it's Mal in a dress.]

How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?

Jayne

If I could make you prettier I would!

You are not the man I met a year ago!

[Mal and Jayne get the draw on the bandits.]

Now think real hard. You been bird-doggin' this township awhile now. They wouldn't mind a corpse of you. Now, you can luxuriate in a nice jail cell, but if your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

View quote →

[aside, to Jayne, upon hearing he is married] How drunk was I last night?

Jayne

I 'unno, I passed out.

Right.

View quote →

Zoe, would you get Wash?

ZZoë

[on the intercom] This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay.

"All"? I said Wash!

Captain, everyone should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.

There's no bliss. I don't know this girl!

Jayne

Then can I know her?

Jayne! Don't sully this.

You are going to be cleaning out latrines with your face if you don't cut that out.

View quote →

[Jayne menacingly approaches Mal with a huge weapon.]

Jayne

Six men came to kill me one time. The best of 'em carried this. It's a Callahan full-bore auto-lock. Customized trigger. Double cartridge thorough gauge. It is my very favorite gun.

[He hands it to Mal.]

Da-shiong bao-jah-shr duh la doo-tze... Are you offering me a trade?

Jayne

A trade? Hell, that's theft! This is the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy'n what you got.

What I got? She has a name!

Jayne

So does this! [caresses the gun lovingly] I call it Vera.

Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin' to a middle.