Listen, don't mention the war! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right. [returns to the Germans] So! It's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it. So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goering, and four Colditz salads.
S1The Germans
Is there something wrong?
Will you stop talking about the war?
Me! You started it!
We did not start it!
Yes you did -- you invaded Poland.
SSister
Yes, yes. We must have our little jokes, mustn't we?
Yes, we must, mustn't we? My god, you're ugly aren't you? Mind boggling!
SSister
I'll get the Doctor.
You need a plastic surgeon dear, not a doctor.
Oh, Fawlty. How's, erm...
My wife?
Er, that's it.
Fine. Absolutely fine. They're taking it out tomorrow morning.
Is she? Good.
No, not her, the nail. They're taking it out tomorrow.
What?
The nail! They're taking it out tomorrow.
H-How did she get a nail in her?
No, I thought I told you, Major. She's having her toenail taken out.
What, just the one of them?
It's an ingrowing one, Major.
Oh, well if it's causing you pain, you have it out!
Germans, coming here?
Oh just for a couple of days.
I don't care much for Germans.
I suppose I see what you mean-
Bunch of Krauts, that's what they are! All of them! Bad eggs!
Well forgive and forget, Major. God knows how, the bastards. Still...
Ah, well, you've got to love 'em, I suppose.
[startled] Germans?
No! Women! I hate Germans... Love women.
What about German women?
Good card players! But mind you, I wouldn't give 'em the time of day.
[calling up the stairs, with Manuel holding onto him] Right, ladies and gentlemen, sorry to disturb you. Could I have everyone down here, in the lobby. There is something I think I ought to mention.
[The guests all gather in the lobby]
GMiss Gatsby
What is it?
The point is, can I put it this way... [high voice] Fire.
GMiss Gatsby
Fire?
Fire. Fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fire!
Fire?
Fire! Out there. FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
[All the guests leave the hotel]
Listen, don't mention the war! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it alright. [returns to the Germans] So! It's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it. So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goering, and four Colditz salads. Wait a moment, I got a bit confused here, sorry. Sorry, I got a bit confused because everyone keeps mentioning the war, so could you... what's the matter?
It's alright.
Is there something wrong?
Will you stop talking about the war?
Me? You started it!
We did not start it!
Yes you did, you invaded Poland!
[Basil is in hospital and a nurse is tending to his injuries]
Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!
SSister
Yes, yes. We must have our little jokes, mustn't we?
Yes, we must, mustn't we? My God, you're ugly, aren't you? Mind boggling!
[The nurse is shocked by Basil's comments]
Basil?!
SSister
I-I'll get the doctor.
You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.
How dare you talk to Sister like that. Get back into bed!
You do not seem to realise that I am needed at the hotel!
No they don't. They're managing beautifully without you.
Polly cannot cope!
Well she can't fall over waiters or get her head stuck under desks or start burglar alarms or lock people in burning rooms or fire fire extinguishers straight in her own face. But I think the hotel can do without that sort of coping for a couple of days. What do you think, Basil, hmm?
TMs Tibbs
We don't think you're well, Mr Fawlty.
Well perhaps not but I'll live longer than you.
GMs Gatsby
You must have hurt yourself!
My dear woman, a blow on the head like that... is worth two in the bush.
[hidden behind front desk, with moose head in plain sight] How are YOU, sir? I can speak English. I learn it from a book.
[LAST LINES: the moose-head has landed on Manuel, after falling and knocking out Basil]
He hit me on the head!
No; you hit him on the head, you NAUGHTY MOOSE!!
[All four Germans look on]
How ever did they win?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Fawlty Towers pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.