Ally Barone quotes from Everybody Loves Raymond

Debra

I love you

Ray

...And I you

Ray

Debra! DEBRA!

Ally

STELLA!

Ally

My teacher says they had fish at the first Thanksgiving.

Ray

Yeah, well, people were stupid then, sweetie!

You want some yams?

No, I hate yams.

Ally

[dressed up as a yam] You hate yams?

Debra

Aw, honey, he doesn't hate ALL yams.

Yes, I do, I hate them, they're very binding!

Ally

Mommy, that man over there is smoking!

Narc!

Ally

Good morning, Mommy.

Debra

Hi, honey. Where's Daddy?

Ally

In the shower singing. He's terrible!

Robert

Merry Christmas! Is Ally here? I understand there are doubts about me in this house! [to Ray] Ho, Ho, Ma told me what you did... nice.

Ray

There are now. Come on, Robert--

Robert

No, you have me mistaken for some other party for I am jolly old Saint Nick.

Debra

Look, Ally, it's Santa Claus.

Ally

Santa?

Robert

Yes, it is really I, and I came to see you Ally because I heard you were a very good girl this year and you're going to get everything you want. [to Ray] Unlike some other people. [in disgust] Ho ho ho ho ho.

Ray

Hold the ho's, I want to talk to you for a minute.

Robert

I'm sorry, I'm with a client. And you may call me Mr. Claus.

Frank

Where's Ally?

Frank

Ho-ho-holy crap. What are you doing here?

Robert

I'm Santa Claus.

Frank

You're Santa?

Ray

Okay, will you guys cut it out already. She's confused enough as it is.

Frank

What's there to be confused about? I'm the real Santa! Who is this impostor?

Debra

Well, you couldn't both be Santa. You must be Santa's helpers.

Frank

Right! He's my helper. Helper, why don't you warm up the reindeer and bring the sled around?

Robert

I bet you can't even name the reindeer.

Frank

Rudolph! Donner, Blitzen... those are the main ones. We rotate them so they wear evenly. Cupid! Ajax! And... Lefty!

Robert

Now we know the truth.

Ally

It's Uncle Robert!

Robert

[in Santa voice] No, no. I have merely assumed the body of a life form suitable to you.

Ray

Robert, you're Santa, not a Klingon.