If nothing's wrong, then why are you bringin' me flowers?
I'm just tryin' to treat you the way I would wanna be treated if I was married to me.
Now legal in California.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Doc was the only person I knew who celebrated Old New Year's Eve.
She's a bale of cotton away from sendin' us back 300 years.
You better watch your mouth unless you wanna get smacked into the new year.
I can't believe your dad saved a guy. That's so cool. You know, if that guy had been a girl, he'd be so in there.
Another one of Greg's pick-up techniques. If you stop a girl from killin' herself, she might go out with you.
Too bad I didn't make a New Year's resolution to be depressed!
Just because I ain't goin' to Times Square tonight, am I gonna jump off a bridge?
Ma! Can I go to Times Square with Tasha, Peaches and Malvo?
Hell, no!
My dad had the key to the city, but it couldn't open gridlock.
I never really believed in things like New Year's resolutions, but for the first time in my life, all my dreams were comin' true.
Kissin' Tasha on New Year's Eve was amazing, but my only fear was that I was gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight.
New Year's Eve was big in Bed-Stuy because it gave everybody a chance to make new resolutions. Unfortunately, most people didn't follow through on them. Not my mother.
This year, I'm gonna stop yellin' at my children.
No you're not!
Who put a glass on my table without a coaster?!
Not my sister.
This year, I'm not going to get Chris in trouble anymore.
Yes you will!
[off-screen] Who's been in my make-up bag?!
Chris did it!
Not my father.
I'm gonna stop worryin' about my money.
Stop lyin'!
Chris, close that door! You just left out 86 cents' worth of refrigeration!
Not my brother.
This year, I'm not gonna take any more girls from Chris.
We'll see about that!
GGirl
That's so sweet, Drew. Who's Chris?
I'm Chris. You came in with me.
[Brooklyn, 1986; Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne plays in background]
[narrating] In every city, people have disasters they need to survive. In Miami, they have hurricanes, in San Francisco, they have earthquakes, and in New York, we had blackouts. You never knew when one was gonna happen, and you didn't want to be on the street when it did.
[New York lights buzz, then a blackout happens, and chaos ensues; indistinct shouting, gunfire, and glass shattering]
WWoman
Look out!
[tires screech and a car crashes]
Hey, Chris. I can't believe this. There's rioting, looting, people are getting killed.
I know, it's tragic.
"Tragic"? It's great. Stay up.
[runs and sees an explosion and yells in shock] Oh! [knocks on door] Help! Let me in! There's a blackout!
WWoman
Go away, get out of here!
[narrating] Next to "We're the Jehovah's Witnesses. Can we have a minute of your time?", "Let me in! There's a blackout!" is the only guarantee somebody will not open a door.
[knocks on door] Help! [grunts, but easily opens the apartment door, enters, and closes the door]
[cocks rifle] Hey! [Chris raises his arms] Don't you move a muscle.
[narrating] I survived the blackout outside. Now I needed to survive the next worst thing: A white man inside.
Do you think I stole something?
No, I'm just a freaky old man who likes to see the inside of pockets.
Where were you, Chris?
[narrating] With the Grand Wizard of Bed-Stuy.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.