[narrating] While havin' a sidekick was gettin' old, my mom was feelin' young.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
What are you, a Good Samaritan?
[narrating] In Brooklyn, bein' nice only aroused suspicion.
[to Peaches, about her leopard-skin jacket] So, what do you think?
[narrating] I think a leopard cub is missin' his mommy.
[narrating] Back at school, Greg was doin' more wardrobe changes than Beyoncé in concert.
[narrating] The only thing scarier than a man almost dyin' was the man who had almost killed him.
Next time you wanna do me a favor, do me a favor... don't.
I thought I didn't have a personality of my own, but you don't.
[narrating] Yay! We both suck!
Used to be an ice cream stand there.
Oh, that's where they sell crack now.
That's where Jerry and Becky Rosenthal got married.
Yeah. Now that's where Petey Pete got Tisha-T pregnant.
That's where Jacob Cohen got shot 30 years ago.
Oh. That's where this guy is about to get shot right now.
WWWoman with Gun
Eat lead! [shoots a guy]
Mr. Levine, it's me, Chris! Let me in! LET ME IN!!
Hey, hey, hey! Last time I let you in, I went to the hospital, almost got shipped to the farm... but you did me a favor, I saw my daughter, and me and Doc patched it up. You happy? Now, beat it!
[narrating] And with that, Mr. Levine taught me everything I needed to know about white people.
In professional sports, the best athletes get a sneaker contract.
While Tonya tried to get into Drew's group, my mom tried to get into a pair of jeans. [Rochelle tries hard to put on a pair of jeans] She sweated less during childbirth.
I was hopin' to get a varsity letter, but I was afraid I would get three of them: D.O.A.
RReferee
The Tessio Tigers do not have a wrestler to compete in this weight class, and therefore, the Tattaglia Sleeping Fish win by default!
Look at you with your win by forfeit, huh? You're just one step away from getting that varsity letter.
I'm glad my neck still works.
I made extra if anybody wants seconds.
Nobody wanted firsts.
The only one who was eatin' instead of drinkin' was my father.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.