KKathleen
And who are you?
Oh, I'm Chris.
KKathleen
Welcome to my home, Chris.
Looks like a department store.
KKathleen
Well, this is my favorite time of year.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Hey, slick, if you wasn't a psychotic, homeless bum, I'd go out with you.
Get in line, sister. Get in line.
What's Kwanzaa?
AEAfrican Expert
Kwanzaa is celebrated for seven days after Christmas and emphasizes principles of family, community and culture. This peaceful African holiday was the great idea of Dr. Maulana Karenga. Later, one of his bad ideas led him to prison for four years for felonious assault and false imprisonment. Although Kwanzaa has enjoyed limited success, felonious assault swept the nation and continues to thrive throughout the African-American community today.
After 15 bottles of shampoo and a Silkwood shower, our job was complete.
You're done.
Ooh-ee! I look like a young Cleavon Little.
More like an old Clifton Davis.
While Tonya wouldn't speak about Kwanzaa, Drew was ready to start speakin' Swahili.
The first principle of Kwanzaa is umoja; unity. That means us black people gotta stick together.
Well, that's it for Kwanzaa.
All I wanted was some Southern hospitality, but all I got was Northern hostility.
I don't like down South. People act too country.
They're not acting.
[looking at a family photo] Hey Ma, who's that?
Oh, that's your Cousin Beanie! You know what? She's 12, just like you.
Except Cousin Beanie's not evil.
I tried to bring Greg up to speed on the new direction of the South.
Down South? You mean, like, across the Mason-Dixon Line?
Yeah. You know, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, South Carolina.
Mississippi? Are you trying to get yourself killed? You going to Mississippi is like me going to... hmm, I don't know, Mississippi.
Ma, I'm hungry. Can we get a snack?
Are you nuts?! Have you seen the rats in this place?
Let's just go home and eat there.
Same rats, different borough.
After my mother convinced Uncle Louis to fly, we headed to Port Authority, the only place in New York scarier than our neighborhood.
OK, I want y'all to be real careful in here. This place is full of pickpockets, pimps, and... and, and murderers and child molesters and thieves.
That's the Port Authority slogan.
I was a bad boy long before Will Smith and Martin Lawrence.
Maybe we can bring somebody.
Wait a minute. This sounds like a nice place. We can't just bring somebody.
We thought about bringin' Vanessa.
I dated a French guy once. I can't stand French food. I mean, hors d'oeuvres. Who wants a piece of liver on a toothpick? [to a waiter] You got any chimichangas?
We thought about Jerome.
Excuse me, garçon, can we get some more silverware?
WWaitress
I just put some out.
I don't know what happened to it. [it is then revealed that he stole some silverware]
We even thought about Mr. Omar.
[a woman is trying to save her choking husband]
Oh, my God! He's chokin'! Help him!
Hold on! There's nothing we can do.
WWoman
But he's still choking! [her husband dies]
Not anymore. Tragic!
Friends don't let friends die lonely.
Dude, once a friend, always a friend. It's the Westermarck effect.
West what?
Edward Westermarck. He was a scientist. He concluded that when two people live together in close proximity during the early years of life, they will never become boyfriend and girlfriend.
That means I still have a chance with Shakira.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.