[takes out and opens her diary] The Terra-firmians are an ancient race built of two warring tribes. The Terries and the Firmies. They were once united under a proud king. After the king's untimely death, an epic battle began over who would assume control. But one day, the rightful prince will reunite the two tribes and put an end to their bitter conflict.
HueyAnd what's that?
Oh, just a drawing of a candy I wish they made. Webbi-dings.
Me as a superhero. Look, can we just focus on all the exciting stuff I just said?
Huey
Please talk some sense into Webby. You don't really believe that rock monsters are playing earthquake games.
Huey's usually right about nerd stuff.
Not this time. Those "aftershocks" are actually a revolt led by the lost Terra-firmian prince. He's using the games as a distraction to storm the Califermy Citadel! It's all in this artist's rendering. [shows her drawings and notes]
Ooh, that sounds awesome. I want that to be true.
Huey
Earthquakes are a result of shifting tectonic plates.
But who's pushing the plates, Huey? Who's pushing the plates?!
Huey
Other plates are pushing the plates!
Now who sounds ridiculous?
Huey
Louie, whose side are you on?
Oh, neither. This is just way more entertaining than that movie. [takes out and eats a bucket of popcorn] What? I got a refill on the way out. It's encouraged.
I can't believe Uncle Gladstone is here!
Huey
He's so charming.
He's like the luckiest guy in the world. Uncle Donald, you must have had the best time growing up with him.
[Flashbacks show Donald's time with Gladstone while he gets $20, due to his luck; back to present]
[sulking with jealousy] He's the worst. Just the worst.
Gladstone Gander is a complete layabout. I don't know why we're responding to his call.
Huey
And like Uncle Donald says, "Family always helps family."
Plus, he's easily our coolest uncle.
Sorry, coolest non-trillionaire uncle.
Huey
Hey, come on, Uncle Donald is kinda cool.
Huey
[going through his checklist] Let's see. Can Do Attitude, check. Professional posture… check. Completed checklist, check. Wow, I can't believe we get to be interns at Waddle for Mark Beaks!
Yeah, I'm mostly doing it to show off this bad boy. [patting a briefcase]
Huey
What is that?
Oh, this? It's my super serious business briefcase. "What brilliant business secrets is he hiding in there?" Who knows?!
Huey
You can't open the lock, can you?
Huey
[after Beaks tells them he only has one opening for an intern] One internship? Well, heh, you didn't really want it anyway, so I'll just tell Mr. Beaks to give it to me.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Sliding my way to billions? Licking other people's stuff? It's everything I never knew I always wanted!
Whoa. Is that an ironically fancy briefcase in my super chill work environment?
What's going on in there? Like, brilliant business secrets?
Very chill. Oh, I like how you roll! You are my new vice president of fancy business. [to Huey] Intern, you report to him now. Boom. Beaks out! [leaves]
Huey
WHAT?!
Yes! Faked it, maked it! I didn't even know this was my life's dream until today!
We've gotta save Beaks, right? I mean, he's the worst, but it's the right thing to do.
Huey
Why? I'm sure you're biggest, favorite friend will just fake his way through it like everything else!
Okay, first off, that's not what BFF stands for. And secondly, guys like him, guys like me, we have to put on a show and fake it, because smart guys like you are so good at making it. We don't need this. What we need is a checklist. In fact, here's a checklist for how to get through this. One, get a plan. Two, ask Huey for a plan. Three, do you have a plan yet? 'Cause honestly, I don't know how checklists work.
[typing on his phone] What's up over here?
Huey
Uh, we saved your life.
Right. Hey, so obviously I have to fire you guys because you know the secret of Project Tahdah, and if you tell anybody I'll just say you're lying because you're mad I fired you. Cool? Cool-cool.
[snatches the phone out of his hands; typing] "My face looks like a butt." And… sent.
Seriously? That's your big plan? Who even cares about what--
Huey
It already has 1,000 likes.
What? No, no! I can't delete it now! Give it back, give it back!
AAmunet
[after Toth-Ra gives them a few seconds of sunlight] Great day everyone! If we skip meals, and start harvesting right now, maybe he'll give us a full hour of sun tomorrow!
Huey
You know a mummy doesn't actually bring you the sun, right? The Earth spins on its axis, creating-
AAmunet
Awww, not the sharpest sickle in the shed, are you, kid?
Huey
I got a Junior Woodchuck badge in sickle sharpening that says otherwise!
Isn't there some way you can help us?
AAmunet
[chuckles] I suppose we could just rise up against the all powerful Toth-Ra, bringer of the golden sun. [the followers laugh]
Huey
Yes, that! Do that!
AAmunet
Why? We've got food, water, fresh bandages in lieu of pay, a kind and merciful god-king. What's the outside got that we don't?
Toth-Ra has got you working night and day, while you barely got enough to scrape by.
Huey
He doesn't bring you the sun, he keeps it from you!
AAmunet
Sorry, it's just not our way.
Don't you want to feel the sun on your face?
AAmunet
[the followers shrug] Meh.
Don't you want freedom? Or glory? Or- [Launchpad bites into a burrito] Launchpad!
Oh, sorry. I didn't want my belly to grumble and interrupt your big speech. Like I am right now. [takes another bite]
It's bad enough you goof around during the greatest archeological find of our time, but... [realizes the Followers of Toth-Ra are mesmerized by the burrito]
AAmunet
Ohhh, what is that?
Oh, this burrito? Just rice, beans, cheese, your choice of meat, wrapped in a delicious tortilla. [the followers taste the burrito] Mmmm mmmm mmm, delicious!
AAmunet
Where do we get this bo-rrito?
Outside where freedom is!
F1Follower 1
Bo-rritos are outside?
F2Follower 2
We must have bo-rritos!
AAmunet
Rise up against the mighty Toth-Ra!
Seriously? That's what- oh, never mind. Let's break into the temple!
Mt. Neverrest, the highest peak in the world! Most prized of the seven summits, Neverrest has claimed the world's finest explorers. It is said to be completely unclimbable. But now, that smug stack of stalagmites has to deal with Scrooge McDuck!
Okay, so instead of spending Christmas in a billionaire's mansion, waiting for Santa Claus...
That man is not allowed in my home. He knows what he did.
... we're following an old man up Mt. Certain Doom, here?
Huey
Oh, Mt. Neverrest is three times deadlier than Mt. Certain Doom.
Huey
[looking at a tourist's map of Mt. Neverrest] This map isn't accurate at all! Mountain goats aren't native to this region, and why is the sun wearing sunglasses? Is he looking at another brighter sun?
Don't pay any attention to these tourists, my boy. Nothing not tchotchkes, and cheese puffs. We are real explorers!
Huey
Like George Mallardy!
Huey
Only the greatest mountaineer of the 20th century! Legend has it that Mallardy made it farther up the mountain than anyone, but was lost, trying to rescue an incompetent fellow climber, famously known as the Neverrest Ninny.
[reading a plaque] "George Mallardy. He died as he lived. Freezing."
Ah, stop your hatering. That's just a load of nonsense to sell T-shirts to tourists. We're gonna outdo that quitter Mallardy by making it to the top!
You realize there's a difference between quitting, and dying, right?
Huey
That's it! I'm putting my foot down! We can't go forward.
Oh, of course we can. The summit's right there.
Huey
We are violating every rule of my Junior Woodchuck training! We're out of supplies. It's starting to get cold, so even if we make it to the top, we'd freeze to death before we get down! Oh, and we keep trying to go up this way, the whole thing is going to come crashing down! This is all too risky!
Don't you go ninny on me, lad! You'll never get your cartography badge with that attitude!
Huey
I don't care! We have to turn around, now!
Huey
You already beat Mallardy. Isn't that enough?!
No! We'd be daft to give up with the peak in our grasp.
Huey
It's not giving up, it's just having common sense.
For the last time, nothing bad is going to happen.
DuckTales (2017) · 345 quotes
