Scrooge McDuck quotes from DuckTales (2017)

Scrooge

The Three Caballeros. Donald's old college band. They practiced their polyphonic pandemonium in my garage for hours on end. Ah, the next time you complain about bagpipes, just imagine trying to sleep while your uncle saws away at an accordion.

Scrooge

What in Dismal Downs is going on in here? [The statue breaks the umbrella Della used to try and incapacitate it] I really need to start locking this door.

Scrooge

It's a Promethean candle, guaranteed never to go out!

Scrooge

Did you expect me to buy a new candle for *every* birthday? Do you have any idea what that would cost, at my age?

Beakley

Talk to your nephews.

Scrooge

[grumbles and reads the newspaper, then lowers it when he sees his nephews staring excitedly at him; startled] So, do children still like... marbles or uh...

Huey

Are you really our uncle?

Dewey

How old are you?

Louie

What's your net worth?

Huey

What's the deal with you and Uncle Donald?

Louie

Ooh, is this fork real silver? Can I have it?

Huey

How come you never visit?

Louie

Oh, cause you're so old and moving is so hard?

Dewey

You owe us, like, a lot of birthday presents!

Louie

You used to be a big deal! Whatever happened to you?

Scrooge

[slams the newspaper on the table, losing his temper; shouting] BEAKLEY! [later, then throws them into an empty room] You are going to watch 'em. Watch 'em! Huey, Louie, the third one.

Beakley

A little spring cleaning?

Scrooge

Maybe. Maybe not. Read this.

Beakley

Snow. On the Drake Barrier Reef.

Scrooge

First time in 50 years. That weather report aligns perfectly with the Papia Prophecy. A shift in currents may present a pathway to Atlantis! Lost city under the sea!

Beakley

This is because some children made fun of you, isn't it?

Scrooge

Nonsense. I'm no has-been, they're the has-beens. I am an am-now!

Dewey

I guess family is nothing but trouble, right, Scrooge?

Scrooge

[sharply] Everybody out!

Dewey

Any questions?

Scrooge

Since when is Launchpad a pilot?

Scrooge

In the short time I've known you, you've wrecked my home and my money bin, unleashed several ancient evils, and almost got me killed. Twice.

Huey

Four times if you count each monster as an individual time.

Glomgold

You're here because you're the best of the cheapest. With your help and my carefully crafted master plan, we'll find the fabled lost Jewel of Atlantis and finally make me the richest duck in the world! [laughs evilly] But first, here are your company IDs, also good for 40% off life vest rental in case of emergency. Gabby McStabberson. [Gabby comes up and takes her ID] Hack and Slash Smashnikov. [the Smashnikov brothers come up and take theirs] Donald Duck. Duck? Duck?!

Donald

Now remember, bedtime is at 9:00. And no sugar after 7:00. Oh, and…

Scrooge

I run a multi-trillion dollar business. I can handle a few juveniles for the weekend. You just focus on this new job of yours. Besides, I got a pretty low key day planned.

Scrooge

Launchpad, have you ever piloted a sub before?

Launchpad

I sunk a helicopter in a wave pool once. Same thing?

Scrooge

[sigh] I've done more with less. No matter, I'm back! Unchartered territory. Bold new discoveries!

Huey

Hello, bingo! I love road trips! I've got snacks, a playlist of traditional sea chanties, matching family road trip shirts!

Scrooge

I appreciate the enthusiasm, but there's no time.

Huey

But according to the travel itinerary--

Dewey

[pops up and rips up the itinerary] Boo! Adventure isn't about planning, it's about doing!

Scrooge

Mr. McQuack, chart the course. Next stop, the lost city of Atlantis! [everybody cheers] In about 16 hours!

Huey

[pressing play on a radio] Shanty time!

Scrooge

We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventures.

Dewey

That sounds like a challenge.

Scrooge

I have to stress, that is not a challenge.

Dewey

...is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!

Scrooge

There is no challenge!

Scrooge

Lad! I thought the traps would get you for sure!

Dewey

[annoyingly points up to the upside-down buzzsaws; grumpily] Stupid upside-down temple! Nothing cool about walking under buzzsaws!

Scrooge

From now on, don't touch anything!

Dewey

[after Glomgold claims the Jewel of Atlantis] Who's that?

Scrooge

Flintheart Glomgold, the poor man's version of me. Which, to be fair, still makes him insanely rich.

Donald

I knew it! I knew I couldn't trust you with the boys!

Scrooge

Not the time, Donald.

Donald

Crazy old man, all you care about is your next adventure! This is the Spear of Selene all over again!

Scrooge

I was not responsible for the Spear of Selene!