It just didn't make sense. When we licked Ling-Ling last time we got all fucked up, but this time nothing happened. Well, we got a little aroused...but not fucked up!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Confessional] I found it a bit odd that Captain Hero wanted to take Bleh out on a date, and it was my responsibility to make sure his intentions were pure. [Confessional off] So, Captain Hero, is it?
Oh! [chuckles] Yeah.
Coming to take my little Bleh out for a night on the town, eh? You know, I don't know what'd I do if anything happened to my little Bleh.
Yes, ma'am. I mean, no, ma'am.
Son, do you know what it's like to kill a man with your bare hands? [cocks a shotgun] I do.
I...Oh! Here's Bleh now! Wow! You look...stunning!
BBleh
I am Sam's Dakota Fanning is worth the price of admission.
[getting shot with a dart by Clara] Ow! What the hell?
A little added protection. You'll get the antidote when I get my Bleh back.
[Cut to Xandir, Toot, a sickly-looking Wooldoor and Ling-Ling having fun]
[holding Ling-Ling] Hey, Ling-Ling, are you excited for Christmas?
[Ling-Ling perks up and nods]
Too bad there's no such thing as Santa Claus! I bet you're disappointed.
[Xandir licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to Toot]
TToot
Hey, look what I found in your ear! Is it a quarter?
[Ling-Ling perks up]
TToot
Oh, no, it's a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off and passes it to Wooldoor]
Hey, Ling-Ling, you, uh... excited for Christmas?
[Ling-Ling perks up]
Oh, no! It’s a tumor! [licks a sad Ling-Ling's secretion off]
[Lyrics to You're My Hero]
Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher and a hero.
Won't you come along and fly with me? Oh fly!
So high against the sky!
So high I almost touched the sky.
So high I'll fly with you.
You're my hero.
Captain Hero!
Clara, it's not what you think!
[Bleh gibbering]
Get up! Get up right now!
BBleh
I am Sam reduces Penn to a mugging embarrassment. Raves Milk Clark of USA today.
I don't care. Let's go!
BBleh
Yeeeh...
Go back to your cage right now!
Well, look who's doing the limp of shame!
Well, nice work, Captain Hero. Here's the $50 I bet you have sex with Bleh.
[shocked] Oh!
Yeeeeeh!
Oh, um, I mean, uh...here is the $50 Captain Hero won off me, because I bet him he would not have sex with your special cousin Bleh. But he did, in fact, have sex with her. Oh, yes, he did. For $50. Oh, man. Saved it.
[Captain Hero facepalm]
Captain Hero, I forbid you to see my cousin ever again!
KKing
I'm doing this for your own good. You need to stay away from a.) this house...
Well then, I guess this is goodbye. [the doorbell rings] Well then, I guess that's the doorbell. [the pizza man shows up at the door] Well then, I guess that's the pizza man.
KKing
What the hell do you want?!
PMPizza Man
Someone ordered the pizza.
That would be me. No one puts baby in the corner.
OK, here's how it's gonna go down. I'm going to finish my hair. Spanky, you order the pizza. And Clara, you go into the confessional and tell the camera how you never felt so alive.
[In confessional] My first naughty prank! I have never felt so alive!
Lately I feel like there's something missing.
KKing
Did you check the colored girl's room?
No, I mean there's something missing in my life
KKing
You are a princess, uh-duuuuh!
I know that, father, but I long for so much more.
KKing
Of course you do, that's because you're a princess, and that's what princesses do, they long for more. Or die in a car crash in France.
TToot
Ugh! You were just gonna leave that there? Bitch, pick it up!
Fuck you, fatty foopah!
TToot
Pick it up or I'm sending you back to hell! [pulls a gun at Captain Hero]
All right, Toot, drop your weapon! [pulls a gun at Toot]
No, you drop it! [pulls a gun on Clara]
Nobody holds a gun to my girl but me! [also pulls a gun on Clara]
All right, let's fucking do this! [has a lot of mulitiple arms with guns, knife, etc. pointed at everyone but himself] I'm not afraid to DIE!! [sprouts yet another arm with a gun pointed at himself]
BBBucky Bucks
Xandir, I can't help but think this is all your fault.
What?! But I'm a certified air traffic controller with ten years of experience!
I heard Gay Traffic Controller, with Gay Years of experience! [high-fives Captain Hero]
BBBucky Bucks
Spanky brings up a good point.
[Lyrics to Shit Sandwich]
You now found the treasure firmly in your hand, but then you woke up.
And it had turned to sand and now you have to face the facts.
It's a huge shit sandwich.
And you have to take a bite.
It's a huge shit sandwich.
And you got to take a big old steamin' bite.
Of the shit sandwich.
You dreamed of A-list parties.
A talk show on late night.
But those dreams burned up like a concert with Great White.
And you're like a club owner without insurance.
It's a huge shit sandwich.
And you have to take a bite.
ECEntire Cast
It's a huge shit sandwich.
And you have to take a
Big old steamin' bite
ECEntire Cast
Of the shit sandwich.
[Scorpion appears]
You're from Mortal Kombat? I'm from a video game too! Tell me, what's your special move?
SScorpion
[performs his Spear move on Xandir] GET OVER HERE! [performs a Head Rip Fatality]
AAnnouncer
Fatality!
[comes back] Impressive! My special move is the reach-around!
SScorpion
Oy vey.
Can we talk about how great our new roommate is? She's, like, so great!
To Sweetcake, for making us prove that we're all replacable.
And to the teeniest ass you can tap without setting off an AMBER Alert.
Hey Xandir, do you know what job you'd be perfect for?
Basket weaver?
No, Director of Homo-land security. [laughs as Captain Hero walks in] Hey Cap, guess what I told Xandir?
That he should be Director of Homo-land security?
How'd you know?
You told me like five times now, plus I've always said he's the right man for the job. [In confessional] If you fat cats up in Washington had the guts to appoint someone who thinks outside the box!
AAnnouncer
Paid for by the committee to elect homos.
[screams] What is this unholy abomination?!
Hi, Clara. You're just in time to witness a fake gay marriage for the health insurance.
What? If gays get married, the institution of marriage will be destroyed! Societies will crumble! Rivers will run with blood! Nazis will once again ride on dinosaurs!
I'll take care of this. [to Clara] Hey Clara, there's a Jew outside trying to poison a well!
[screams] Oh my God! [runs to well] Get away from that well, Hebrew!
JMJewish Man
What? I'm putting in water purification tablets!
Spanky tricked me. As God as my witness, I'll put an end to this gay marriage, I swear!
[Thunder crashes; raining]
JMJewish Man
Nice tits.
[Clara gasps]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Drawn Together pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.