[comes in with the graded essays] Morning, class. I graded your essays. [satisfied] Josh, you wrote a wonderful story. I Cried When the Leprechaun Gave Birth. A+ [hands essay to Josh]
Thank you, Mrs. Hayfer. Glad you liked it.
Loved it, in fact you did so good, you can skip today's pop quiz.
Wow, A+, and no quiz. Today's my lucky day.
Yes, it is. There's your essay, Drake. [hands essay to Drake]
D-? What's wrong with it?
I don't know, just write another one.
Dude, she is so mean. Why does she have it in for me?
Mrs. Hayfer? She's the nicest teacher in the whole school. It's all in your head.
Alright class, let's begin. The Iliad and The Odyssey were originally written in what language? Drake!
[Drake looks at Josh after Mrs. Hayfer pranked him with the wrong answer]
[Drake is standing outside of Mrs. Hayfer and Kelly's house]
Kelly, you're a really nice girl, I just don't think this is going to work out. Oh no. Kelly, I'm joining the army. Navy. Circus?
[answers the door] Who's out here?
Hey, is Kelly- [he notices Mrs. Hayfer when she comes out revealing it's her house] HOLY SNOT!
What a charming sentiment.
Mrs. Hayfer, what are you doing here?
Watching OR, and I'm missing Madelyn's colonoscopy. What are you doing on my porch?
Isn't this Kelly's address?
Wait. You're the boy who's been dating my daughter?
Oh, right there with you.
KKelly
[comes out of the house] Drake, I wasn't expecting you tonight. [laughs]
Yeah, I wasn't expecting my English teacher to be your mom.
KKelly
Are you one of my mom's students?
If you use the term "student" loosely.
Well, I’d better get going. [he leaves but Kelly grabs him]
KKelly
Oh no, no, no, no. You came all the way out here. So, what do you want?
KKelly
Why don't you take me to play miniature golf?
KKelly
Oh, I'll get my putter. [leaves and goes inside the house]
FMFBI Man
[comes in] Hey, excuse us. We don't mean to interrupt your money fight, but a friend of ours told us you were selling Gary Coleman grills.
So, how many do you want?
FMFBI Man
Well, tell you what, we'll take them all.
Wait, you want all of them?
FMFBI Man
That's right. [shows them the badge]
Sorry, we only accept cash.
FMFBI Man
These are badges. [show them the badge]
FMFBI Man
I don't think you understand. Drake Parker and Josh Nichols?
FMFBI Man
You're under arrest for possession and sale of stolen property.
We're just selling them for these two guys.
Yeah, we didn't know they were stolen.
FMFBI Man
Right. Sure, come with us please. [handcuffs Drake and Josh]
[Drake and Josh are sent to jail by the FBI for selling the grills, which were stolen by the 2 men]
Wait, wait, wait, you can't lock me in here. I'M ON THE HONOR ROLL! [the police lock the bars] Drake, do something!
Yeah, what do you want me to do?
Tell them we didn't steal those grills!
I did, they don't believe us!
Well, I don't belong in prison! Prison is for scum! And lowlifes! [other prisoners glare at him] Except for you guys. I'm sure you're all wonderful people. Maybe later we can all get together and [grabs the bars] OH, LET ME OUT OF HERE! I HAVE A PIANO LESSON!!! [Drake grabs him]
Don't freak out, right? We'll figure a way out of this but until then just be cool. Okay? These guys are tough.
[Drake brought a trash dog to his and Josh's room to prank and wake up Josh]
Oprah? Oh, Oprah. [screams and wakes up after the trash dog licks his face] Who's dog is this?
I just found him rooting through the garbage outside.
So you let him lick my face?
Dude, it's Saturday morning. Cheerleader car wash at the Hexaco Station. Come on, it's already 10:00.
10:00? Oh, no, I'm late. I'm supposed to be at Drew's.
You're hanging out with Drew today?
He's got a virtual reality snowboarding game with a real snow machine and everything.
So, what, you're just gonna be gone all day?
But now, you can have more Drake time. Everybody wins. See you. [leaves]
Well, trash dog, it looks like it's just you and me. [the trash dog leaves] Hey, I have garbage! [picks up the trash can]
[Drake and Megan are at The Premiere]
Alright, Drake. What's bugging you?
Nothing. [Megan leans back] Josh blew me out to go virtual snowboarding with stupid Drew.
Look, Drake. Josh found a new friend. There's nothing wrong with that. If it bugs you so much, then go find your own friend to hang out with.
You know, yeah, yeah, you're right. I don't need Josh, I'll just go find another friend to hang out with.
I will. [silence] So, 9 1/2?
I'm outta here. [she leaves the table]
[as he arrives home] Sorry I'm late, guys.
I was just hanging out with a new friend of mine. Actually, I invited him over for dinner And to watch "Canadian Idol" with us. Is that cool?
Sure. Megan, will you go tell Josh and Drew that dinner's ready?
Sure. [talks using the speaker] Josh and Drew, please report for dinner. Josh and Drew, please report for dinner. Please report for dinner. Josh and Drew, please report for dinner.
Where does she get this stuff?
[to Drake] None of your business.
[Drew and Jerry are on TV]
JJerry
But I thought you said you were sorry.
JJerry
But I thought you meant you were sorry that you cheated on the test and that you weren't gonna do it anymore.
DDrew
No, I'm sorry I got caught, and I'm definitely gonna do it some more.
JJerry
Stomachaches, you give me stomachaches.
[Mrs. Hayfer is angry that her car is in her classroom and believes Drake did it when he is wrongfully accused of pulling a prank on her]
Alright, now we know that Romeo was not allowed to snuggle Juliet, not even on the weekends and... where'd that jacket come from?
BBud
It was in your trunk.
Hey, Drake, that's your jacket.
Yeah, it was stolen out of my locker a couple days ago.
Or did you leave it in the trunk last night when you were parking my car in this classroom?
I told you, Mrs. Hayfer, I didn't do this.
[angrily] You are suspended, Drake Parker.
[angrily] TO THE NURSE! [Drake gets out of Mrs. Hayfer's car]
[Drake is home from school after being suspended by Mrs. Hayfer]
I told you, I didn't do it! I swore on Mom's grave!
[Audrey and Walter come inside Drake and Josh's room]
Excuse me, still alive here.
Sorry, it's an expression.
Megan': Are you gonna yell at Drake?
Fine. If he cries, and I miss it, I'm just gonna have to make him cry again.
So, we just got off the phone with your principal.
Look, I promise you guys. I did not put her car in that classroom. You don't believe me.
Well, you have been known to 'act out'.
You drove the lawnmower into the living room.
You filled our swimming pool with lobsters.
Should I mention the stink bomb at my sister's wedding?
Oh, come on, even you hate your sister.
Look Drake, it doesn't matter what we believe. Your school has rules.
A suspension means that you can't go on your class ski trip, you can't compete in the talent show.
This is so unfair! I can't believe that Mrs. Hayfer can just decide I'm guilty.
[comes in the room] She can't!
According to my pocket-sized school handbook. Any accused student can appeal his case before the honor council.
It's like a trial and a jury of students decides whether you're innocent or guilty.
How were you going to make money with lobsters?
Focus Walter. Alright Josh, I want to do this how do I go before the honor closet?
Well first, it's called the honor council. And second I've already submitted your case.
Oh really. That's awesome.
We go to trial in 2 days.
And I'm gonna defend you.
[Drake and Josh expose Mindy as the culprit]
How could you give me a B?! I'm perfect, better than all of you!
TMr. Thompson
Mindy, you're suspended. Drake, you're not. I gotta get some soup.
[Drake and Josh hop up from behind the couch and sit on either side of Megan, smiling smugly.]
[singing] We're gonna be the boss of you
[singing] And you have to do-oo what we say
Okay, you, can't sing. You're a moron. And what are you talking about anyway?
We're talking about the fact that Mom and Dad are gonna be out of town all weekend.
Which means we are in charge of the house.
Oh, you guys think you're going to be in charge?
In fact, I've decided to change the channel. [changes the channel on TV]
I was watching something.
Yeah, good one. [he and Josh fist pump]
[stands up] GIVE ME THE REMOTE.
[stands up] I don't think so, Megan. In fact, why don't you just run up to your- [Megan flips him over]
[stands up] What the? Megan, you can't just flip someone- [Megan flips him and sits on the couch with the remote]
[Audrey and Walter are having a phone call with Drake and Josh about the party at home]
Josh? Is anything going on there?
Uh... no, nothing to speak of!
Well, we're watching TV and we could swear we're looking at a wild party going on in our living room.
[horrified, to Drake] It's for you! [gives him the phone]
[takes the phone from Audrey, angrily] Alright Drake, I don't know what's going on, but we're coming home.
No! No! Uh... [Walter hangs up] No you can't, it's just- !
[shocked] They're on their way home.
Man, if we don't get all these people out of here in less than 2 hours, our lives are over.
Well, what are we gonna do?
