(to Ashley, about kissing,) And some people kiss their friends, it's like a high-five on the lips!
S1Pretty Little Picture
Rex cries after he ejaculates.
S1Who's that Woman?
MMartha
I was just thinking of that expression, "I'll make mincemeat out of you." Mincemeat used to be made up of little bits of meat chopped up, so the expression was like saying, "I'll chop you up into little pieces!"
YLYao Lin
I hate lying.
Yeah, well, I hate your ironing, so there.
Edie (to Mrs. Huber): I hate Susan Mayer. Everytime I see those big doe eyes of hers, I swear to God I just want to go out and shoot a deer.
S1Come In, Stranger
I love to try out new recipes before the holidays. That way if the cookbook has it wrong, I can fix it.
He could've been a sexual predator.
And he ended up at Mrs. Frome's? That's a lose-lose situation.
You can tell them how beautifully behaved the twins are.
So you want me to lie?
I thought that was understood.
Oh come on, I'm staying at a motel, I haven't had a decent meal in weeks.
Honey, the marriage counseling may not work out, you need to get used to bad cooking.
Rex. The truth is, with the kids gone, I'll be all by myself in this house for the first time in seventeen years.
Honey, I know it's hard to hear, but the marriage counseling might not work out. You need to get used to being alone.
You're right. That was hard to hear.
MSMama Solis
Excuse my daughter-in-law. She's very fulfilled.
Did you bat your eyes? You know, it doesn't work if you don't bat your eyes.
Honey, I batted everything that wasn't nailed down.
I hate to bother you while you're um...working, but do you have change for a 5? Preferably in quarters.
PProstitute
If I got paid in quarters I must be doing something wrong!
Bree (after telling Zach the story of her mother's death.): I've never told anyone that story before.
Well, those are the most interesting ones. The stories that we never tell anyone.
S1Running to Stand Still
Yeah, I've seen who you’ve been busy with.
Danielle? Come on, I mean, she's just a friend.
Well, before you get any friendlier, let me remind you, I can do things to you she can't even pronounce.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Desperate Housewives pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.