Well, she's smart, and beautiful, and, uh, [chuckling] she says the funniest things, like, "I will conquer the world", and "Evil must triumph over good", you know, that kinda thing.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Oh, I see. Just 'cause she has a diabolical laugh, and commands legions of horrible zombies, and has "Evil Princess" embroidered on all of her hankies, you assume she's evil. That's so shallow!
I knew love was blind, but I didn't know it was stupid, too!
NNarrator
Later, in Irmoplotz's evil castle.
ZZonthara
Who is there?
Irmoplotz.
ZZonthara
Irmoplotz who?
Mom, enough with the knock-knock jokes already!
ZZonthara
What news did you bring for... ZONTHARA! EMPRESS OF EVIL!
I had another relationship date with Dave.
ZZonthara
And have you told him that you are sworn to serve evil?!
Well... Not exactly.
ZZonthara
PRINCESS IRMOPLOTZ! You can't base your relationship on dishonesty. If he really loves you, he'll love you for who you are, honey.
I guess.
ZZonthara
And if he doesn't, you could always use your magic powers to make his head explode!
Mother, stop trying to disintegrate my boyfriend!
I do all the evil things: destroy civilizations, torment innocent people, return library books... late.
Dating rule number one: never break up with an evil princess!
Ugh... So many nutlogs... So little stomach.
And so Princess Irmoplotz does send an army of indestructible filthy pixies to destroy Udrogoth.
[Gasps] They're indestructible!
Yes, I... Just said that.
IIrmaplotz
So Dave, if we cannot be together, you...will...pay! Mwahahahaha!!!
[amused] You're mad at me, aren't you?
And lo, the filthy pixies do rampage wildly through Udrogoth, destroying everything in their path, and getting nasty sticky little fingerprints all over the place!
PWPeasant Woman
[looks at her apron] Darn it! That's gonna need dry cleaning!
Thinking quickly, Dave constructs a homemade megaphone using only some string, a squirrel, and a megaphone.
Sorry, I-I don't like to wear my glasses when I'm committing unspeakable acts of evil. They make me look bookish.
I'm sure many of you are wondering why I tied a squirrel to a megaphone. Well, goodbye!
Yes, Ned's depressing little life seems pointless, indeed. Until one fateful day, when a firey comet hits Ned's zipper! Seconds later, a secret experimental laser bombards the zipper with hyper-violet mercury rays! Then, it is doused with mysterious chemicals, stuck by the mystical powers of the Norse gods, bitten by a radioactive grasshopper, and taught the arcane apocolyptic of cloud men's mind by an inscrutable monk!
Wow! That hardly Ever happens!
The combination of these events transforms Ned's ordinary zipper into ... The Time Zipper!
There won't even be "history" any more. It'll be... "Frischtory!"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Dave the Barbarian pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.