Drake Mallard quotes from Darkwing Duck

Drake

[irritatedly humming 'Rock-a-Bye Baby' while fluffing Tuskernini's pillow]

Gosalyn

Dad, are you okay? What are you doing?

Drake

The judge wants to reform Tuskernini, so I'm going to reform him...[pulls lever]...into a pancake. [piano falls on bed]

Gosalyn

Oh, so we can adopt you after the judge throws you in prison! Unless of course he gives you the chair.

Drake

...maybe we should wait 'til he tries something. After all, I've got him right under my bill where I can keep my eye on him. He thinks I'm just some dimwitted fool-Ha!-but as Drake Mallard, I've got the perfect cover!

Drake

[slurring] By the way, I booby-trapped the door.

Drake

Quick, LP, create a diversion!

Launchpad

How about dying from exhaustion?

Drake

No, that's too subtle...

Drake

Gosalyn, I've told you before: it's a Christmas tradition to open your presents on Christmas morning.

Gosalyn

Oh no. Please, please don't make me wait that long! I'll never make it! It's no use! IT'S IMPOSSIBLE!

Drake

It's tomorrow morning.

My fruitcake! Help! Someone stole my fruitcake!

Drake

Hmm... Who would steal fruitcake?

Launchpad

I wish I knew. I can never get rid of the stuff!

Drake

Gosalyn, get me out of here!

Gosalyn

What's the magic word?

Drake

Grounded.

Binkie

Oh, but bikes are so boyish! Don't you think Gosalyn should have more, well, feminine things? Have I ever told you that, dear?

Drake

[muttering] Only every time you see me.

Honker

But I'm tired of being smart, Mr. DW! I wanna be like you!

Drake

Well, that's nice. [realises] Hey hey hey, wait a minute!

[on TV] I've been watching TV recently, and I'm sick of this second-rate jerk, Darkwing Duck.

Drake

[to TV] Hey, hey hey hey! I'm a first-rate jerk!

Gosalyn

Wait a minute, there's something strange about this 'Bugmaster'.

Drake

Yeah: she's in a bug costume, threatening a cockroach. I'd call that strange.

You missed Darkwing Duck, man!

Drake

'Darkwing Duckman'? What is this 'Darkwing Duckman'?

Drake

I can explain the bats.

Herb

Please don't.