Wally quotes from Dan Vs.

You sing it, sister! Pickles are gross! Hey guys! Over here!

[Chris and Elise arrive at Burgerphile crowded with protestors and find Dan tied up with Hortence]

Wow, Dan. You've really started something.

Yup. I think they're about to cave. They're so busy fielding complaints, they're not even serving food.

Oh. We were going to grab dinner.

Oh, don't worry. We can just go across the street. I see you've made a new friend, Dan.

HHortense

I'm Hortense. Dan's girlfriend.

Wow, Dan. Way to go.

Why are you so surprised? The ladies love me. What? They do.

Jeff

[goes in] Ladies and gentlemen. While admitting no wrong-doing on the parts of Burgerphile, wholly owned subsidiary of Jeremiah Burger Foods Limited International Incorporated, a division of Drax Chemical and Munitions Corporation, we realize some of our customers are not completely satisfied. So please, enjoy the table of complimentary cheeseburgers outside. [protestors excitedly leave, but gets tricked]

WWally

Hey, there's no table!

Jeff

[locks all the door] Checkmate!

Please, every revolution has a few weak links. But these won't break, nor will I.

Jeff

Well, we'll just see about that.

S1 E20 Burgerphile

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[at Ninja Dave's Cookies] Out of the way! I need a chewey chipster stat! Hey, where is everybody? [finds Wally sitting down]

WWally

At Gigundo-Mart, they sell a cookie the size of a manhole cover for 50 cents.

What?!!

WWally

Yeah, Ninja Dave is in back crying. He gonna have to close too.

GIGUNDO-MAR- Oh wait! I already did that. It was one thing when they took away my explosives. But if they want my cookies, they'll have to pry them from my cold dead fingers. I can't believe you don't have any explosives left.

WWally

Well.

Well what?! You holding out on me?

WWally

There is my private reserve. But I was saving it for the in-laws.

Fine. I guess you're prepared to live in a world without chocolate chip ninja-doodles. [walks away]

S2 E16 Gigundo-Mart

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I can't believe you had a nuclear briefcase the whole time I've known you.

WWally

We're not that close.

If what you said is true, this thing'll vaporize everything within a quarter mile. So we should probably set the timer for 30 seconds just to be safe.

WWally

[reading the sign] Oh, they're hiring.

So what?

WWally

Well, I do need a new job. I heard this place has great benefits.

What about the cookies? [angrily grabs Wally by the suit] Think of the cookies man!

WWally

I need to cut down on sugar anyway.

Fine! Run away! You are a disgrace to arms dealers everywhere! [sees Elise walking by] Elise, what are you doing here?

Taking this place down. I hate what Gigundo-Mart's done to my husband.

Pssh! What can you do that I can't? [Elise shrinks a car] Awesome! Gimme, gimme!

Mitts off, little man.

Gimme! [they engage in SR51 tug-of-war, Elise's phone rings]

Hello? Chris, calm down. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Can you do that?

[using his foot as a hand on his phone to talk to Elise, he is having withdrawal symptoms] NO! Must...go...shop... So cold...

Chris, these are withdrawal pains from going cold turkey.

Oh, they have such great deals on cold turkey. Pickle relish by the drum... Six pack of lawn mowers... Psychiatric help five cents, the doctor's in.

Let me talk to him. Maybe I can help. [Elise hands Dan her phone to talk to Chris] Hey, Chris, buddy, havin' a hard time?

Uh-huh!

Good! That's what you get for letting me down!