[Chris is gardening his plant while Dan is calling him]
[on the phone waiting for Chris] Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone. Pick up the phone! Are you screening this call? No one screens me! I will not be screened.
Dan. I thought your court-ordered evaluation was today.
I'm not going. I have been wronged.
I can't believe it either. I demand vengeance.
The worst, most devious subhuman of them all.
The Wolf-Man? Like from the movies?
Like the movies, but a real one.
Yeah, I told Elise I wouldn't help you with revenge anymore, so-
GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! [Chris hangs up and Dan calls him again] I SAID NOW!
Stupid Wolf-Man, I'll get you!
There's no such thing as a Wolf-Man, Dan.
How could you be so naive? Look at the fur, look at the paw prints!
There's an animal shelter right there.
Those are sneaker prints.
What wears shoes but also has paws? The Wolf-Man!
So you're saying that the Wolf-Man's a jogger.
He's an evil beast with an unsavory bloodlust! Of course he jogs!
If he's wearing shoes, what's with the paw prints?
Obviously, he runs like this!
He doesn't run like that in the movies.
[angrily] THIS ISN'T THE MOVIES! THIS IS REAL LIFE! STOP LIVING IN A FANTASY WORLD! THE WOLF MAN SCRATCHED MY CAR AND HE MUST PAY! NEXT MONTH!
Next full moon. Don't you watch movies?
So what are we doing today?
NOTHING! GO HOME! [he leaves to his apartment]
[Chris arrives at Dan's apartment on Halloween night]
Never mind. I don't need your help. The situation is under control.
The Wolf-Man. I caught him.
[angrily arrives at Dan's apartment and finds a little boy hung upside down] Oh, Dan, this is not okay.
What isn't okay? I caught the Wolf-Man.
This isn't the Wolf-Man! Dan, you caught a trick-or-treater.
Of course he's the Wolf-Man. Look at him.
So how did he scratch your car?
Dan, there's no such thing as the Wolf-Man!
LBLittle Boy
I want to go home!
DCDan and Chris
[yelling] QUIET!
You can't go kidnapping children. And, you, don't you know not to go trick-or-treating without an adult?
Yeah, there's a lot of crazies out there. You could end up on a milk carton.
[frees the kid] Awfully sorry about this. [the boy kicks him] Ow!
Well, at least you're here to help me with the- Wolf-Man! There he is! Get him!
LBLittle Boy
Trick or- [screams as Dan begins to chase him]
Dan, stop! That's a yeti.
[Dan and Chris chase the little boy thinking he's the Wolf-Man]
He's reverting to human form.
PPolice Officer
[as he sees Dan and Chris chase the little boy] Oh, right. I'm a cop. Hey!
[Dan and Chris are in the lobby with the police officer]
PPolice Officer
Alright. Now, which one of you is Chris?
PPolice Officer
Okay. So we have a wallet, keys, a comb.
Why do you have a comb? Your hair is boring.
PPolice Officer
A locket with a picture in it.
[seeing the locket with Elise's picture] Hey, that's not me.
PPolice Officer
3 bouillon cubes, 2 beef, 1 chicken.
There might be a soup-related emergency.
PPolice Officer
Do you mind? I got a lot on my plate and I don't need to be spending all day with a couple of knuckleheads like you two.
Oh, yeah? What do you got going on that's so important?
PPolice Officer
I'm in the middle of a book I'd like to finish sometime this year.
Good book. Not all of it works, though.
PPolice Officer
Now what else? Okay, so are you Dan?
PPolice Officer
Okay. We got an enemies list and several expletive-laced letters to someone named Grandma. Also I feel I should warn you that you are way past the legal limit on pocket lint.
What I do in the privacy of my pockets is my business alone. You can't treat me like this. I know people who pay taxes. And where are my knucks?
PPolice Officer
Brass knuckles are illegal in California and the rest of the country. They've been confiscated.
[angrily] Confiscated? Confiscated?
[angrily] CONFISCATED?! [he throws a tantrum messing things around the police station like kicking a trash can and ripping paper off the bulletin board] I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! THOSE WERE A GIFT FROM MY MOTHER. HOW DARE YOU?! I'M GOING TO CONFISCATE THIS WATER! [drinks water] WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? HOW DARE YOU?! WELL, I'M CONFISCATING THIS AND THIS, [steals the envelope and pen] AND I'M CONFISCATING YOUR HAT!
PPolice Officer
Sir, do not reach for my hat.
[Dan takes the police officer's hat of him and wears it, but the police officer teases him with a stun gun]
[while driving home] I am so tired.
That is just like you. One minor run-in with the law, and you're set to give up. Not me, pal.
Give up? Now I'm going to drop you off and go to bed.
And let the Wolf-Man roam free?
Oh, for the last time, [the wolf howls] there’s no- [Dan covers Chris' mouth]
Drive north. North, you monkey! [Chris drives in the other direction towards the freeway as he and Dan are stuck in traffic] Ow! Oh, come on. How can there be a traffic jam at this hour?
Halloween. Normal people are coming back from costume parties, not police stations.
All that anger's not good for you, you know. It's eating you alive.
You know what you can eat?
I don't have to be out here driving you around, you know. I've got better things to do than looking for mythical creatures.
He's not mythical. He scrat-
I have put up with an awful lot.
My car! He scratched my car!
I have put up with an awful lot from you on this stupid quest of yours, but no more. I'm out!
Next time, you should have one of your other friends help you.
I don't know. How about your friend Ted?
He's not talking to me right now.
You know, people struggling with dangerous- [as the Wolf-Man is seen rushing past their car]
That's him! [he sees the Wolf-Man stops as he stares at him, he gives an evil smirk as the Wolf-Man glares, causing him to glare back, and the Wolf-Man glares some more, giving a growl before howling and jumping on 3 cars]
Come on, get after him! Pretend he's a sandwich.
What kind of sandwich? [Dan steps on the gas petal as he speeds up the car] Watch out! Stop it! Let go! [he drives off and goes on a wild chase with the Wolf-Man]
[the Wolf-Man jumps over more cars as Dan and Chris skid out of control]
[the car swerves some more causing a donut as the Wolf-Man is seen waiting at a stoplight waiting for the light to turn green as Dan and Chris accidentally run over him as Chris stops the car, he and Chris lean forward to see if they hit him, but the Wolf-Man's paw reaches on top of their car and they gasp, the Wolf-Man inches closer towards them and growls while breathing on Chris' windshield, roaring, Dan and Chris scream when Chris hits the reverse on the shift and they back up, as the Wolf-Man falls off the car, dazed as he runs off]
What are you doing? Get after him!
AAARGH! [he kicks Chris out of the car and drops him off the road]
You are coming back, right?
