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S2 E16

Dan Vs. · Season 2, Episode 16

Dan, Wally and others in “Gigundo-Mart”

Dan

I can't believe you had a nuclear briefcase the whole time I've known you.

Wally

We're not that close.

Dan

If what you said is true, this thing'll vaporize everything within a quarter mile. So we should probably set the timer for 30 seconds just to be safe.

Wally

[reading the sign] Oh, they're hiring.

Dan

So what?

Wally

Well, I do need a new job. I heard this place has great benefits.

Dan

What about the cookies? [angrily grabs Wally by the suit] Think of the cookies man!

Wally

I need to cut down on sugar anyway.

Dan

Fine! Run away! You are a disgrace to arms dealers everywhere! [sees Elise walking by] Elise, what are you doing here?

Elise

Taking this place down. I hate what Gigundo-Mart's done to my husband.

Dan

Pssh! What can you do that I can't? [Elise shrinks a car] Awesome! Gimme, gimme!

Elise

Mitts off, little man.

Dan

Gimme! [they engage in SR51 tug-of-war, Elise's phone rings]

Elise

Hello? Chris, calm down. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Can you do that?

Chris

[using his foot as a hand on his phone to talk to Elise, he is having withdrawal symptoms] NO! Must...go...shop... So cold...

Elise

Chris, these are withdrawal pains from going cold turkey.

Chris

Oh, they have such great deals on cold turkey. Pickle relish by the drum... Six pack of lawn mowers... Psychiatric help five cents, the doctor's in.

Dan

Let me talk to him. Maybe I can help. [Elise hands Dan her phone to talk to Chris] Hey, Chris, buddy, havin' a hard time?

Chris

Uh-huh!

Dan

Good! That's what you get for letting me down!

Elise

Dan! [Dan gives Elise her phone back, gives the SR51 to Dan] Chris, hand in there and- [Dan runs off] Hey!

[Dan hijacks the shopping cart, Elise chases him, the kid laughs, they enter inside Gigundo-Mart, the greeter looks at Dan while Wally is showing his membership card]

Gigundo-Mart Greeter

Membership Card? Halt!

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