Mechanic Mike quotes from Dan Vs.

Whoa, that's bad.

Dan

[yelling] YOU DID THIS, YOU SWINDLER!!

I was trying to tell you something like this could happen. Now if we can calm down and discuss this like rational adults.

Dan

[yelling] I WILL DROWN YOU IN BARBECUE SAUCE AND HAVE CHRIS EAT YOUR BODY!!

Chris

You shouldn't just automatically assume I'd be up for that!

Dan

You are so selfish! There's no "I" in "friend," Chris.

Hey, you want me to fix your car or what?

Dan

Absolutely not! Since it appears my friend has developed a sudden aversion to cannibalism...

Chris

It's not "sudden"!

Dan

Then I will simply have to take my business elsewhere!

You know anyone else will charge you twice what I do.

Dan

[yells] BLOCKED AT EVERY TURN!

Chris

Maybe we can take it to the dealer?

Dan

The closest one's in Manila.

And it closed twelve years ago.

Chris

Oh. Can you even fix this?

Sure, but it's not going to be cheap. The thromdibulator's shot, and I can see from here it took the Oscillation Overthruster with it. You see?

Dan

Well, sure. Any child could see it's the thromdibulator.

[opens the garage] What are you guys doing in my shop?

Elise

When I said "hide," TWICE, how could I have made that more clear?

Hey, where's my dog?

Dan

Don't you play the victim with me! We can go back and forth all night about who set who's dog free!

You did what?!

Dan

But I know you've been replacing my engine with junk!

You got me. All right, Dan. After this weekend, I'll fix your car up the right way.

Dan

[furious] You fix it now!

I can't order the parts until some money comes in. Which happens this weekend. Now please leave me alone.

Dan

[picks up cake mixer out of the inside hood of the car] I'm taking this cake mixer.

Chris

If you find your dog, I would like my wallet back.

Dan

There you are! [to Chris] Chris, prepare your jaws of death!

Chris

For the last time, I'm not eating anyone, because it's gross!

[crying] Oh. Hey, guys.

Dan

All right! Wait, are you crying?

Yeah.

Dan

Uh... Okay look, I'm here to pummel you, and for some reason I feel weird about doing that while you're crying, so could you stop?

Oh, sure. I'm-I'm sorry about that.

Dan

Thank you.

Chris

Hey, uh, maybe if you could just put Dan's car back together, we could all forget this awkwardness.

Dan

I'd be willing to accept that.

I can't. I don't own my garage anymore. Or I won't as of Monday morning.

You know, Dan, you put up your car, you won the fight. Technically you could have owned this shop.

Dan

Keep it. What would I do with a mechanical shop? Besides, crushing Elise was reward enough.

Elise

You got lucky! You littl-!

Chris

Whoa, whoa! All's well that ends well, right?

And trust me, better to get out before you get hooked. Thank you, Dan. You saved my business.

Dan

You don't have to thank me, Mechanic Mike. But you DO have to fix my car whenever it breaks, and never charge me a penny.

Huh. Guess I forgot to- [Dan's car explodes] Yeah, that's the thromdibulator.

Dan

[yelling] MECHANIC!